With the 2017 summer movie season in full swing, let us take a look back on our preview from two years ago to see if our ‘shroom-induced predictions were on the money for no real reason!!

(MAY 1) The Avengers: Age of Ultron

Really excited about this one since it seems like they decided to shake things up immensely by having the team of heroes battle hordes of enemies with a witty villain controlling them. We’ll see if it pays off.

2017 THOUGHTS: My sarcasm was pretty dead on with this one. We reviewed it pretty favorably, but it was really the same old, and I think I’ve watched it once since. 

(MAY 8) Hot Pursuit

What?

2017 THOUGHTS: Yeah, never saw this one, and nobody else did either. I don’t even think it ran on any premium channels.

(MAY 15) Mad Max: Fury Road

This movie took 47 years to make (4 years short of Boyhood’s record), and expectations were low, but it actually looks pretty wicked. I love The Road Warrior, and really want this to be as awesome as I hope.

2017 THOUGHTS: It WAS wicked!! Totally!!! This was seriously the best movie of the year, and one of the best action pictures in decades. I’ve rewatched it approximately 47 times since then.

(MAY 15) Pitch Perfect 2

Fuck this noise.

2017 THOUGHTS: Fuck it, indeed. Never saw this and never plan to, but it did inspire my personal favorite “Home Video Alert” post.

(MAY 22) Tomorrowland

This seems like it will either be really great or kind of dumb. I have faith in Brad Bird, though, so I hope it’s the former. I just wish he’d directed one of the Star Wars movies instead.

2017 THOUGHTS: I never saw it but Brad did, and he didn’t much care for it. 

(MAY 22) Poltergeist

The remake that everyone demanded! The original Poltergeist is so unwatchable that I spit every time someone says the word “poultry” around me.

2017 THOUGHTS: I think most people have forgotten this happened.

(MAY 29) Aloha

Goodbye.

2017 THOUGHTS: This was universally considered one of the worst movies of the year and further cemented Cameron Crowe’s shame spiral.

(MAY 29) San Andreas

As a disaster movie mark, this looks fantastic, and incredibly stupid. But The Rock is always good, and Carla Gugino and Alexandra Daddario together may get me kicked out of the theater.

2017 THOUGHTS: I was right! It looked fantastic and was incredibly stupid! But stupid fun! And I was also right on the mark about Carla Gugino and Alexandra Daddario, as always.

(JUNE 3) Entourage

It’s kind of astonishing that this is actually being released in theaters instead of being an HBO special that nobody would watch. Can’t wait to see these grown men whine about their relationships for two hours. (see why I gave up on this crappy show here)

2017 THOUGHTS: This made less money than the above-mentioned Hot Pursuit.

(JUNE 5) Insidious: Chapter 3

These movies and their ilk aren’t getting stale whatsoever!

2017 THOUGHTS: Never saw it, but this movie made $112 million worldwide on a $10 million budget, so of course they’ll keep coming, although the fourth installment is coming out in “Fuck You, It’s January” season.

(JUNE 5) Spy

I’d rather have Joseph McCarthy try me for communist treason than watch this.

2017 THOUGHTS: I did watch this because a lot of people were saying it was good and my wife usually likes this kind of shit, but even she didn’t like it and I’ve officially stopped listening to other people.

(JUNE 12) Jurassic World

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! I love all three Jurassic Park movies passionately and have seen the original more than 94.7 times. I can honestly say I’d rather see this than Star Wars. On the other hand, director Colin Trevorrow’s Safety Not Guaranteed was total garbage. But so was Monsters, and I liked Godzilla.

2017 THOUGHTS: I was one million percent correct. It totally ruled and I’ve seen it 94.8 times since! And again I’m more looking forward to Jurassic World, Too than The Last Jedi.

(JUNE 19) Inside Out

This looks pretty good, if not the most original idea in the world, but hopefully Pixar can get back on the horse with this one (although I loved Monsters University).

2017 THOUGHTS: It was good! Not my personally preferred Pixar picture but it’s still an excellent movie. But you all knew that.

(JUNE 26) Ted 2

The first one had its funny moments, and I loved the Flash Gordon scenes, but everyone seems to be shitting on this sequel already, mainly because A Million Ways to Die in the West was so mediocre.

2017 THOUGHTS: This was reviled across the board so I never bothered to see it.

(JULY 1) Terminator Genisys

This seems worse than Terminator 3. And everyone is hung up on the spelling of the title, but why would anyone really care about that? Just care that it looks like a rental.

2017 THOUGHTS: This was actually worse than anyone thought it would be. Brad hated it, so it was honored as our worst movie of the year.

(JULY 1) Magic Mike XXL

I wouldn’t know.

2017 THOUGHTS: I still don’t know. Not even my wife wanted to see this, because she gets all the washboard abs she needs from me so it would be overkill.

(JULY 10) Minions

Kids go ape for these bananas. This shouldn’t be so bad since Gru’s not in it and his voice is very, very, very, very irritating.

2017 THOUGHTS: My kid loved this, but overall it’s pretty annoying and not as entertaining as the Despicable Me movies.

(JULY 17) Ant-Man

I honestly don’t know what to think. It seems ok, but I’d be much more stoked about it if Edgar Wright had made it. Hopefully the director of Yes Man didn’t fudge it up too much.

2017 THOUGHTS: I was right, it was ok. It just didn’t really do much for me. Paul Rudd is great, but everything is brought down 5,000 notches by Michael Pena.

(JULY 24) Pixels

Cool concept, great visuals, but Adam Sandler immediately ruins it. Poor Peter Dinklage.

2017 THOUGHTS: Adam Sandler continues to immediately ruin everything. Also considered one of the worst movies of the year and neither of us felt like being bored so we skipped it.

(JULY 31) Mission: Impossible Rogue Nation

I like all of these movies (although the second one is pretty eh) and the last one was really good (thanks to the aforementioned Brad Bird), and judging by this trailer they seem to have kept that momentum going. And as much as Tom Cruise’s personal life puzzles me, he really is a good action star, and I respect him doing his own stunts.

2017 THOUGHTS: I still like all these movies! Rogue Nationwas very good, although not as good as Ghost Protocol, and the villain was weak. But definitely worth your time.

(JULY 31) Vacation

Why did you do this to us?

2017 THOUGHTS: I ended up watching this on cable, and while there was a chortle or two, it was pretty much a waste of time.

(AUGUST 7) Fantastic 4

I guess this looks better than the last two Turdtastic 4s, but it seems like it’s going to take itself way too seriously. I don’t know, hopefully it will surprise us, but overall, who cares?

2017 THOUGHTS: Apparently it was even worse than the previously awful Fantastic Four movies. I refuse to watch it, but Brad did and decreed it to be the worst super hero movie ever made, and most people agree. 

(AUGUST 14) Straight Outta Compton

I would love to see this in the safety of my own home.

2017 THOUGHTS: I did see it in the safety of my own home and it was great! Pair this up with Hip Hop Evolution on Netflix and have yourself a Hip Hop Holiday!

(AUGUST 14) The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

This will make $37.

2017 THOUGHTS: It made $45 million, so I was slightly off. I haven’t seen it, but I hear it’s kind of ok. I’ll probably never get around to it.

 

Thank you for joining me on this trip down mediocre movie lane. As you can see, I’m right all the time. See you in 2027 for the 2025 Summer Movie Preview Review!