Another year is almost gone, and it’s amazing that Lemmy Kilmister surviv… oh, shit. Anyway, here are the 10 best and 5 worst movies that we saw that came out in calendar year two-thousand-and-fifth-teen that also paid us for our unbiased opinions.
10) Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation – 7.75
Rogue, upset at being cut out of X-Men: Days of Future Past, decides to form her own nation, even though some declare it impossible.
“A solid spy thriller that thankfully continues the excellence of Ghost Protocol, but unfortunately doesn’t necessarily improve on it.”
9) Avengers: Age of Ultron – 7.86 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)
A remake of 2012’s Marvel’s The Avengers with a slight villain replacement and an added witch.
” Well I’d have to say I really liked the flick but in certain times it felt just like a middle point for another film. The action was great, Ultron was fantastic and I think it was funnier than the first Avengers flick.”
8) Kung Fury – 8
Martial arts master stops to ask Mad Max for directions to Fury Road.
“Kung Fury don’t give a rats ass about anything. It’s a complete spoof and is all played for laughs.”
7) What We Do in the Shadows – 8
An eye-opening documentary about the fascinating yet tragic life of Hollywood Squares announcer Shadoe Stevens.
“I really enjoyed this picture, and you will too goofy-but-smart (goofart? needs work.) comedy that is actually made for adults. Even if you’re not a fan of vampires or New Zealanders, there’s no reason you shouldn’t like this.”
6) Ex Machina – 8
After a lightning bolt gives it human emotions and intelligence, a military robot escapes and finds refuge at the home of an animal-loving pacifist.
“This film proves that there are still great modern takes on old stories especially in science-fiction. Unlike, say Snowpiercer that takes themes and makes a shitty movie, Ex Machina is a way better example of taking an old idea and updating it to the current times.”
5) Inside Out – 8.25
Tween girl has psychotic episode so she tries to literally turn herself inside out to quiet the voices in her head.
“This is an excellently made movie with a surprisingly deep concept that is executed very well, but I didn’t really love it. It’s all pretty predictable, and Joy and Sadness, being the main characters, are kind of irritating. And look at Riley from the outside: she turns into a jerk and runs away after 3 days of moving to a new city?”
4) DEATHGASM – 8.5
The madcap adventures of a young Grim Reaper desperately trying to get laid.
“But that also means I highly recommend it for fans and lovers of gore, metal, and the horror films of the ’80s that actually had fun and didn’t take themselves so goddamn seriously. You know, enjoyable to watch, instead of failing miserably to be edgy.”
3) Star Wars: The Force Awakens – 8.86 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)
Ball robot must force cylinder robot awake to complete their treasure map.
“I really enjoyed this picture. It’s basically a remake at heart, but it’s all pulled off really well. And to have a modern blockbuster movie franchise with such likable characters (especially after zero likable characters in the prequels) is no mean feat. After not really clamoring to see this one, now I’m genuinely looking forward to the next one to see the wacky hijinx of Rey, Finn, Poe, BB-8, Ren, Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy.”
2) Jurassic World – 9.125 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)
A documentary in which Pat Robertson poses the question, ‘What if dinosaurs actually existed?”
“I read a few reviews and I’m shocked people are bored with either the concept or with the actual picture itself. If there were similarities to the original I didn’t mind them because A. the original is one of the best films ever and B. It’s been over 20 years and younger audiences will benefit from what made the original great.”
1) Mad Max: Fury Road – 11
Mad Max is angry, so he decides to take a relaxing drive. But maybe choosing to travel down Fury Road was a mistake…
“It’s balls-to-the-wall action and I forgot how a great action film used to be made. It’s lean on cheap talk and unnecessary exposition and gets the job done.”
Honorable Mention: The Martian, which was a Haiku Review but would probably get an 8.23
5) Home – 5.5
A man picks up Chinese food but traffic is a bitch! Will he make it home in time to watch the beginning of the “Sanford & Son” marathon??
“I wish I would have written down my thoughts on this movie right after I saw it because it’s about two weeks later and I barely remember anything about it. It’s like cotton candy in the shape of a bunny: cute and fluffy but as soon as you’re finished with it it’s gone and you’re not going to tell your grandchildren about it.”
4) The Good Dinosaur – 5
Young dino refuses to murder a human so his dad takes him to the forest to kill him for disobedience.
“I really didn’t like this Pixar feature. I didn’t much care for whiny Arlo and any other character. It was mostly a paint by the numbers return home odyssey and it really lacked the typical Disney/Pixar humor.”
3) Tomorrowland – 5
A live-action adaptation of the thrill of living to see another day, whether you want to or not.
“I’m sorry but this movie left me cold. I like Brad Bird but everyone thinks he’s this genius storyteller but he really only has 3 movies to his name previously to Tomorrowland and I must say while he has great vision he still has a lot to prove behind the camera.”
2) Trainwreck – 4
Amy Schumer can have any man she wants, but the man she really wants is Jack Daniels.
“This film was awkward at best and the jokes were terrible.”
1) Terminator Genisys – 4
Phil Collins is assassinated.
“I’m sick and tired of The Terminator films not only thinking in the same old box but also shitting in the box at the same time. They seem to think that Arnold IS the story and essential to the overall story. I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I was disappointed in seeing that a 66-year-old Arnold was somehow shoehorned into this new story.”