Friday the 13th – Never Hike Alone 2

Full Movie: 

 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Continuing where Never Hike Alone and Never Hike in the Snow left off, Tommy Jarvis joins up with Hiker Kyle to rid the world of  the plague that is Jason Voorhees for good!

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• I’m assuming from that vintage looking kids Mickey Mouse fishing pole that this is a flashback.
• I truly loved that half-circle-turn transition when Tommy jumps into the water and then it changes to him in his bed waking up from his nightmare. Never has a F13 movie done something stylish like that.
• So was that supposed to be his kid or himself when he was younger?
• The cast list on imdb only has two Jarvises and they are both Tommy so that was young Tommy. Looked and acted nothing like Corey Feldman!
• Tommy’s wall is littered with Jason facts, clues, conspiracies, news clippings and forensic info. Some recognizable names like Ginny Field and Alice Hardy. One news clipping describes a cabin explosion which might allude to A New Blood. There’s also a map of Manhattan and a news clipping about the cruise disaster from Part VIII! Even photos of Corey Feldman’s young Tommy and Trish. Sartre’s No Exit book that some little girl was reading in Part VI!

• We see all these paraphernalia while Tommy’s having an intense mental episode after his nightmare while we heard sound clips from Parts IV–VI. 
• Is this a Nightmare on Elm Street or a Friday the 13th? Make up your minds!
• So I’m assuming this movie picks up after the events of the previous 2 Never Hike movies and Tommy has been released from jail and is now investigating Camp Crystal Lake to find Jason. Otherwise him randomly picking this day to go there and take a looksee with a shotgun is kinda odd.
• C’mon Tommy, did you have to waste your bullets shooting the hallucination of Jason on the water.
• Good ol’ Rick Cologne. Who somehow looks older than Never Hike in the Snow.
• Sheriff Cologne has 4 stars on his shoulders. Does that mean he’s a 4-star Sheriff? Is that a thing?

• Nice mingling of the Never Hike Alones showing Kyle McLeod in the middle of his hike from the first one, hiding from Cologne behind a tree because Kyle’s trespassing. Nice detail.
• AND it’s like they read my review (just kidding) about showing Jason in the background unnoticed by Kyle filming his video blog. Nice touch.
• Would Crystal Lake really sell license plate covers that read: I’d rather be in Crystal Lake? And would Tommy actually buy one? It’s amazing Tommy still lives in New Jersey, let alone Crystal Lake, after everything’s he’s been through.
• Dr. Hill? Any relation to Dr. Hill from Re-Animator? That might explain Jason always coming back from the dead.
• Well this exchange is getting awkward.
• Aw man, they had to recast Axel and Deni. The original Axel was hilarious.
• So this flick is half prequel/half sequel. I can dig it. If they didn’t recast Axel and Deni they can make a cut of all three flicks as one movie.
• So Dr. Hill, in case you forgot, was in Never Hike in the Snow and her son went “missing.” I don’t know if the filmmakers planned on making 2 or 3 movies that tied together like this but kudos to them for making it work so far.
• I’m wondering if I had the money, would I be able to make a F13 fan-made movie and be able to hire Thom Mathews. Seems plausible.
• I’m still amazed that people are brave or stupid enough to go hiking in Crystal Lake forest after the history it has had. This is easily the biggest suspension of disbelief in this movie.
• Kyle collapses unconscious outside these camper’s tent. The campers seem more annoyed than concerned.
• Kyle gives them very short and cryptic warning to leave and then lumbers along. You would think he would be more adamant that they come with him or something.
• Jason does what he does best and takes out the campers, Gino and his girlfriend Jamie. Kill Count: 2
• When Jason’s ax swings down upon Jamie (or whatever her name is), it hard cuts to a dollop of Jelly falling on a security guard’s shirt as he takes a bite of a jelly donut. That’s twice this month that I watched a F13 fan-made flick edit a hard cut of a donut as someone is slaughtered.

• “Lesson about the Jelly?” How many times has this dude spilled jelly from a jelly donut on himself?
• It’s kinda odd to have this much human drama, decently done anyway in a Friday the 13th flick. And not the dumb drama like Kristy-doesn’t-like-me-kinda-of-bullshit. Dr. Hill and to a lesser extent, Tommy, have real trauma and emotional distress given to them by Jason Voorhees. It’s almost like this movie is treating Jason like a real villain that causes real life damage to people.
• It gives the film pathos and stakes to overcome. It’s the difference between a horror/thriller like Silence of the Lambs or The Exorcist and every other single F13 ever made.
• Somewhat shocking death of this park ranger that just tried to explain to Tommy that finding an exhausted and badly injured Kyle in the woods was due to him playing “survivor man” without proper planning. Jason took her out when she entered her car. Kill Count: 3
• But Jason’s not done and decides to terrorize Tommy and his EMT crew while they help Kyle in the ambulance. As Tommy is on the CB calling in to dispatch to have them check out the area for more lost hikers, Jason swings over to the driver side door where Tommy is talking. Tommy immediately notices the hockey mask goon and instead of freaking out, he goes straight into fight mode and attacks Jason.
• Now we’re more or less in the end scene of the first Never Hike Alone when they picked up Kyle but this time we see Axel get a nice juicy ax to the chest when he goes out to help Tommy. Kill Count: 4
• Deni’s next, Jason breaks her neck as Tommy tries to gain the strength to get back in the ambulance. Kill Count: 5
• If I was Kyle I’d be more panicking about Tommy driving at break-neck speed while the ambulance’s back doors are wide open and Kyle’s on a gurney with wheels.
• Cunningham Road!? I found out long ago. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. It’s a long way down Cunningham Road. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Cunningham Ro-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ad. Jason kill nimble. Jason kill quick. Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Take a ride on a Wessex County kick…
• I like the line that Tommy says “What have you done kid?!” to Kyle. It’s like yeah Jason’s back and what did Kyle do to “resurrect” him. Almost every F13 movie has that key scene of someone or something foolishly bringing Jason back. Herein this movie, Kyle just trespassed into the camp where Jason was, I assume, living comfortably by himself undisturbed. He was still alive but contained. Kinda weird. But I still like the fact that Tommy kinda blames Kyle for bringing Jason out of the camp.
• Also doubly funny since Tommy is constantly going to the camp to look for Jason all these years and never found him. Was it just bad timing that Jason wasn’t there and Tommy keeps missing him?
• I like how gray Jason’s dead skin is. Gives him an almost Karloff Frankenstein’s Monster kinda look.

• Nice touch with Dr. Hill listening to her missing son’s old voice messages to give her comfort. Until Tommy drives past her in the ambulance like a bat out of hell scaring the crap out of her.
• “Make sure he lives!” Is a very dumb line to tell a medical doctor going into the ER. Yeah, no shit Tommy, they won’t save him just because you need him alive for your own vengeful purposes.
• Even Rick Cologne is having traumatic nightmares. This film doesn’t let anyone off the hook.
• Does this one young deputy not know who Jason is or the history of all the murders?! That’s worse than Rey, Finn and Poe not really knowing what Jedi are.
• I like the little flourish of a passing car near the forest road and the silhouette of only Jason’s lower half briskly walking into frame with an ax. Remember when the older F13s used to do stuff like that?
• Of course the bodies that Sheriff Cologne find in the woods of the park ranger, Axel and Deni he assumes Tommy killed and wants Tommy arrested.
• Tommy tells Dr. Hill that Axel and Deni are dead because they were attacked by Jason and she says that Jason’s not real. Which is kinda odd considering all the murders and disappearances in the area the past 40+ years.
• Thom Mathews is a doing a real bang-up job expressing his regret and disappointment on his history with Jason and how he has tried multiple times to kill him and failed. He blames himself for the various deaths of the townspeople since he brought Jason back to life accidentally.
• I realize lives are at stake but it’s highly illegal and unethical to snoop on Kyle’s GoPro camera without his consent.
• Some Boomer/Millennial humor about people watching YouTube videos of people doing stuff and boomers not understanding that concept.

• Not exactly sure what information Kyle can give to Tommy that would be beneficial. Like, Tommy knows it’s Jason because he too was attacked by him. Tommy knows that Camp Crystal Lake is still in the middle of the woods and he could go there anytime he wants to find Jason or clues that Jason’s still alive.
• Jason’s “spidey sense” leads him to the hospital where Kyle and Tommy are. He needs to complete his mission before he can move on to the next level.
• Of course this leads us to believe that the images of Jason that Kyle are seeing outside his hospital room window are real and that Jason is now attacking Kyle. But nope just a hallucination. Hallucination Count: 4
• Kyle reminds me of a car salesman I bought my latest Jeep from.
• Yeah, Tommy, you know where the camp is, you don’t need Kyle. Especially when Kyle is recovering from a concussion with multiple broken ribs, he’s only dead weight to your cause right now. And that’s not mentioning the fact that he probably is in mental state ready to fight Jason again.
• I think this film is making Pamela Voorhee’s head the MacGuffin that Tommy needs to destroy Jason for good. Other fan made films have given the Pamela head more weight to the stories like Vengeance 2: Bloodlines and Jason Rising but none made the head his most vital weakness or his means of existence.
• Now this is more like it. Tommy and Kyle have to go back to Camp Crystal Lake to get Pamela’s head. They need Dr. Hill’s help to get out of the hospital because Sheriff Cologne and his department think Tommy is the real killer. Like Part VI, the focus on the narrative isn’t just Jason stalks teens in the woods one by one but in how Tommy has a mission and has more than Jason as an obstacle to overcome. Makes for a much more engrossing and entertaining movie.
• Hahahaha. As soon as Tommy says “We just have to make sure we don’t get caught” and the elevator doors open, half a dozen guns are drawn on them. I knew that was going to happen but it’s still done well for a fan made movie.
• I can somewhat buy that Dr. Hill doesn’t believe that Jason exists and that he could be a boogeyman myth. (I think they said she’s new to the area but I’m not sure) but Sheriff Cologne was in Part VI and his own sheriff was killed by Jason. Does he have selective amnesia?
• Nice. A Jason siege at the hospital. Now we’re talking.
• And Jason causally walks into the hospital to confront Tommy, Kyle and various hospital staff and cops already there. He’s carrying an ax in one hand and in the other, the head of a deputy from outside. Kill Count: 6
• Interesting. We are seeing the slaughter of the cops by way of their own body cam footage. It’s even more interesting when he rams his fist into one camera and punch right through to the cops backside. Kill Count: 8
• Tommy yells RUN and mostly everyone is able to flee Jason except for the rather rotund nurse. Seems extra cruel to make the chubby girl die so soon and because she’s not as swift as the other folk. Jason grabs her and uses a scythe to rip out her guts and spill them to the floor in slow motion! Kill Count: 9
• Was that just an action-pose done by Jason? Sweet shot!

• This film this made more like an action movie rather than a horror movie. After all Jason is sci-fi like a super hero/villain. It makes perfect sense for them to have comic book panel-like action poses.
• He then throws the scythe at a running orderly and tags him in the back while Sheriff Cologne watches. Kill Count: 10
• A bewildered Cologne watches (we see it through his body cam) Jason slowly approach him before Tommy grabs Cologne to flee while saying “C’mon you fucking idiot!”
• “He’s real! He’s fucking real!” Says Cologne. Tommy grabs his shirt and yells back: “I tried to tell you you dick!” I love how they still hate each other despite the peril they’re in.
• This music reminds me of Godzilla movie music. Which is a great homage to conjure up for this type of movie monster. Especially one where Jason has a worthy adversary to fight.
• Enough with the lame “You Bang” line. It was funny once back in ’86. This flick already used it twice.
• I don’t mind the idea of trying to shoot Jason but it’s been done to death with a nary of success especially with pistols. Tommy took Jason down for a minute with a shotgun at close range. So unless you have the firepower to take out a small condominium complex single-handedly don’t even bother filming it because it’s a time waster and boring.
• Jason has also had enough of the dumb bullets and throws an ax a few yards to tag Cologne in the shoulder.
• Another You Bang?! Sheesh.
• That also amounted to nothing but minor inconvenience to Jason.
• Jason simply punches Cologne’s head into tapioca pudding in one swing. No more you banging now. Kill Count: 11

• Tommy, Hill and Kyle managed to start the ambulance in time before Jason approaches them but stupid Kyle doesn’t close the back doors and Jason nearly kills him with a thrown ax.
• This film gives us the only time we ever see Jason go back to Crystal Lake and jump in. I’m assuming he did this to rest and rejuvenate himself. Possibly a time for him to reflect on the day’s events as well. Again, this little detail of him going back “home” is a nice touch to giving even the villain of the series some human traits and needs. Like the series never shows this side of the monster. He is, after all, supposedly human. I realize we’ll never see Jason eat or sleep in any F13 movie but he kinda has to right? Even a hurt wolf goes back to the den and licks its wounds. Even Dracula needs his coffin with his own Transylvanian dirt to rest. Remember how you felt about Darth Vader when you caught a small glimpse of his human head in his chambers in Empire Strikes Back? It’s important to the character arc to view their humanity and weaknesses.
• Well that rest was a quick one, as just after a few short moments, Jason rises from the lake to continue his killing spree. Maybe it wasn’t so much a long rest but more as a quick piss or quick bump of that magic Crystal Lake H2O.
• I mentioned Godzilla before and the obvious homages and influence that monster franchise has on this Jason. And now him coming out of the water with that bombastic fanfare, it’s more than obvious the filmmakers saw Godzilla as a good influence. Also the old Universal monsters as well.

• So Jason moved his mom’s head and Tommy and Kyle are searching for it in one of the cabins. Kyle looks in a duffle bag and finds it. He then just picks it up with his bare hands. A severed head that’s been rotting for over 40 years. With his bare hands. He could’ve easily just took the whole duffle bag with the head inside.
• I got to be honest though, the Pamela head looks bad. Wish it looked closer to how they had it in Part II. Hell, it just looks so fake, I would’ve at least liked one that didn’t look like it was in display at Spirit of Halloween.
• I’ve said in an earlier review for the Fan-Made F13s that it’s weird seeing Jason use a bow and arrow as a weapon. It just seems off for a lumbering killer zombie to have the skill to use such a weapon. However, growing up in a camp I suppose he could learn how to be decent at it, right? But this also implies that Jason can make leather wallets and bead jewelry as well too?
• Anyway, Tommy isn’t fast enough to dodge arrows and Jason drives two in Tommy’s chest.
• All seems lost for Tommy as Jason approaches him with his machete but out of nowhere Dr. Hill charges in and whacks Jason’s face with an ax.
• Nope. Wasn’t good enough and Jason’s back up. Kyle distracts Jason by yelling “Hey Maggot Dick! Looking for this?” And runs away with Mom’s head.

• At the lake side Tommy tells Kyle to destroy the head. Kyle looks around and sees a police evidence marker off to the side. I’m assuming that this was the exact same spot that Alice killed Pamela in the finale of Part I. Nice. But before Kyle can move, Jason pops out of the water (kinda odd since the water at that point is only 2-feet high) and goes to strike Kyle with the machete. But Kyle quickly defends himself with Pamela’s head and Jason strikes the skull, severing it in twain!
• Jason actually, for the first time ever, looks sad and devastated at what he’s done. You kinda feel bad for the big lug.
• Jason then sees the vision of his late mother as a young lady who beckons him to come home. As he’s distracted by the apparition, Tommy easily decapitates Jason with the machete.
• Besides Tommy whacking the side of Jason’s face at the end of Part IV, has Jason ever had massive head trauma that would actually affect his brain? I’d have to say no. Even when he was blown up in Part IX the head was completely intact. I mean he’s essentially a zombie and the only way to traditionally kill a zombie is damaging the brain. Wonder why no one’s emphasized this. But a good decapitation should do the trick as well.

• “Tommy can you hear me?”  Yeah you might want to rush Tommy over to the hospital. Too bad everyone working there is dead though.
• OK here are some cameos, Newscaster is Tracie Savage whom played Debbie in Part III. And the mayor is Larry Zerner who played Shelly also in Part III (the one who gave Jason his Hockey mask) And according to imdb cast list, the voiceovers of other news clips are done by Tom McLoughlin (director of Part VI), Ron Sloan (Junior in Part V), Lauren-Marie Taylor (Vickie in Part II) and Deborah Voorhees (Tina in Part V).
• Not since Part III have we seen the aftermath of the Jason carnage with authorities present. We saw a little in the beginning of Part IV continuing that same aftermath but for an epilogue to what we saw, this is important to the story as it gives us better closure and gives the tragedy more weight. This may be a slasher horror movie but put names and faces to these dead characters and have people grieve and contemplate the loss really adds to the emotional weight to the story.

• Never have we seen a F13 with a parent finally come to terms with finding their dead child by the hands of Jason and really grieve that loss. This seals the deal for me that this is a very important fan-made F13 movie. Possibly one of the best F13 movies I’ve ever seen.
• Tommy assumes the horror and terror of Jason is over and refuses the GoPro footage that Kyle is offering him. Kyle throws it into the lake. This gives us not only closure to the saga but also good deflection from the inevitable sequel tease.
• Our heroes actually have a decent epilogue and wrap up the movie with inspirational dialogue, reflecting on their shared experience and saying good-bye with well wishes. It’s heartwarming to see the heroes not just survive but have some hope for the future. Unlike Ginny who never even found out what happened to Paul! 
• Holy crap, did I even have anything to nitpick with this? 
• YES! The camera pans over the lake to where the GoPro sank and not a foot away from the camera is Jason’s head with the hockey mask still on. As the music swells up a few bubbles gurgle up from the mask. That’s how you do a sequel tease!

• This movie did more to revitalize my love for the franchise in one hour than any of the later sequels (since Part VII) combined. If these guys decide to make another one I’m surely donating some of my money for their crowdfunding.
• A mid-credits gag with another hiker YouTuber video regarding the lack of updates of Kyle’s hike video blog. He then says he got a copy of the Wessex County hiking map that Kyle used and will go hike those trails. The filmmakers even have some time for fun in this horror flick. Kudos!

Kill Count: 11

T&A Count: None. 

Best Kill: Nothing too extraordinary but that’s OK since everything else was golden. His best kill was probably when he smashed Sheriff Cologne’s head in with his fist.

Final Thoughts: I set out to watch 13 Fan-Made F13 flicks and I apparently saved the best for last. I watched Never Hike Alone 2 when it premiered 2 weeks ago on Friday the 13th and immediately feel in love with it. I rewatched it again this past weekend to take notes for this review and all I can say is Fucking Wow. For a short fan-made flick this feels like such a complete movie. Especially put together with the other Never Hike movies. It has a story and it has stakes and it has likable, sympathetic characters that are challenged and have to make a plan and fight for their lives. It feels more like a real movie than some of the older F13 movies. Is it a perfect? Very close. As you can see I had very little to nitpick much less complain about after 2 viewings and after 12 other Fan-made (as well as 2 of the worst F13 studio produced clunkers) I can honestly say, that Vincente DiSanti and crew know what they are doing.

This is the most human F13 movie ever. Those older F13 movies feel pornograhic in comparison in that it’s scene after scene of gratuitous violence—We watch a teen get killed graphically and then we move on to the next (Hey, don’t get me wrong, I’m still a fan!). Like a porn where we don’t care for the story we just want to watch a scene of someone screwing and then move on to the next. We never care for the humans/teens, sometimes we never know or remember their names. We actually root for Jason to kill them! Whereas Tommy has an arc. Kyle’s like a side kick but he still has something to do. Dr. Hill has an arc of courage and overcoming grief. Never has a F13 film has an aftermath scene regarding the victims and how their parents would react. Again that’s what a great movie should be. Good storytelling with emotion. Not just teens-go-to-camp. They-have-fun. Then-they-die.

Even Jason has more humanity in him when he accidentally destroys his mom’s head. We never got a chance to see him care for something in any of the other movies! He’s not the Great White from Jaws, he’s a human being and giving him some humanity makes for a much better story viewing experience. I had a blast watching this little movie that did so much in very little time. David Gordon Green and Blumhouse could very much learn a thing or two about how to make a legacy sequel work. This movie is far more entertaining, intelligent and gory and still had fan-service, easter eggs and has-been actors/characters and did more in its 73 minutes than the whole 2018 Halloween sequel trilogy’s 322 minutes. Vincente DiSanti and crew managed to elevate a tired old dumb slasher franchise to MCU-level entertainment. 

And they didn’t even have to resort to any gimmicks or alter the mythos or give us cockamamie new hokey rules to make a fresh take on this tired old franchise. It didn’t have a person with telekinesis powers or take Jason away to an exotic new locale or try to introduce new Voorhees family members and magical daggers to the story. The only new(ish) aspect they introduced was destroying his mom’s head and even that really wasn’t needed. They kept the essence of a traditional F13 movie but made it way more cinematic and relied more on the humans’ cause to destroy Jason than just have Jason stalk around for ⅔​ of the runtime. I HIGHLY recommend all three Never Hike Alone shorts. (maybe soon they’ll combine all three seamlessly as one feature length) I had a real good time watching this one in particular because it was better paced, had more compelling characters with decent stakes involved and had more emotion as well. I hope these filmmakers go on to do bigger and better things. Hell, A24 should give them the new Michael Myers movies to do.

Score: 10 Lessons About the Jelly (out of 10)

Crazy Ralph’s Opinion: