Minions (2015)

Synopsis: Banana-men terrorize London.

Would you be able to sit through it?: It really depends on if you can tolerate “minion speak.” I’m just fine with it and think it’s cute, but I can absolutely understand if it makes you want to rip your molars out and stick them in your ears. Plus, adults who think about these things may be puzzled by questions like are the Minions immortal? How? If they’re not immortal, how do they reproduce? Good soundtrack, though.

Any scary/violent parts?: The film is chock full of slapstick violence, with a lot of explosions and various creatures being killed in accidents. 

Anything that will screw up your kid’s head?: There’s a torture chamber scene, where one of the bad guys tries to hang the Minions. It’s very odd and unnecessary for a movie made for children.

Any lessons to be learned?: Not a ton of lessons in this one, but overall it could be to associate yourself with the right people.

Recommended age: 5. Despite the medieval torture devices, for the most part the movie is the cutest thing this side of a baby dressed like Mike Ditka.

3D?: Eh, I’m on the fence about it. We did see it in 3D because traditionally in the Despicable Me movies the Minions do some cool 3D tricks during the end credits, but that wasn’t really the case this time. Some parts did look good in 3D, but I wouldn’t really say you were missing anything in 2D.

Rent it, buy it or avoid it?: Burent. This is a movie that’s solely powered on the cuteness of its protagonists. From that perspective, it hits the mark well. If your kids can’t get enough of these yellow bastards, then they’ll be more than satisfied. But as a movie in general, it doesn’t really work all that well. There’s not much of a plot outside of the Minions looking for a master to serve and Scarlet Overkill being a huge b-wad.The Despicable Me movies had much tighter stories and much better humor by comparison, so you’re better off watching those, but if you’re watching those you’re inevitably going to end up watching this anyway, so it doesn’t matter in the slightest. They could have shown the Minions washing windows for 90 minutes and it would still make $300 million.

There’s also one thing that kinda stuck in my crack. The movie is set in 1968, and the the Despicable Me movies they show Gru as a young boy in 1969, building a macaroni rocket and awkwardly trying to talk to girls, but in Minions he’s already a suave supervillain kid with sophisticated technology. Not a huge deal, but kind of a cheap retcon.

Fun Fact: The three main Minions are essentially Minion representations of Gru’s daughters from the previous pictures, with Kevin as the tall, smart one, Margo; Stuart as the troublemaker Edith; and Bob as the adorable little one, Agnes.

Also, Brad pointed out that the climax rips off the Muppet Movie:

Score: 6.75 dungeon hangings (out of 10)

My Daughter’s Review: “I liked at the end when they all piled on Gru.”

Preceding Short: There wasn’t one, but I’d just like to take this opportunity to express my profound relief that I no longer have to sit through that god-awful (pun intended) trailer for Little Boy.