Pitch Perfect 2 (2015)

New on home video today is Pitch Perfect 2 which tells the story of New York Yankee David Wells’ perfect game in 1998 and the group of young women who try to sabotage his pitching by singing at the top of their lungs every time he throws the ball and he’s not even sure why they’re doing it or why they hate him so much until the 4th inning when they all rip off their shirts and reveal that they all have the Minnesota Twins logo painted on their boobs and this is even more distracting to David Wells as now he has to contend with not only the batters and not only the singing but now also the boobs of varying size and niceness but somehow he manages to work his way through it and every time he retires a batter the girls sing “Fuuuuuuuuuuck!” in the highest pitched voice possible and by the 7th inning everyone else in the stadium has left because they can’t take the noise anymore and security is powerless to stop them because every time they get close the soundwaves from their singing stop the security guards in their tracks and it feels like their brains are going to explode and they try shooting them but the bullets just drop to the ground due to the soundwaves and since they’re right behind home plate the umpire is frozen in place with a constant stream of piss running down his leg but you can almost imperceptibly see his fingers call balls and strikes and the catcher is dead by the 8th and David Wells’s pitches just keep blasting the umpire in the nuts because the catcher’s corpse is on the ground but like I said the umpire can’t move and just has to take it and the batters are vibrating so badly that there’s no way they could ever make contact with the ball so the girls are really not helping at all and David Wells is so fucking drunk he barely even feels it and eventually he strikes out the last batter and completes his perfect game and the girls sing “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” so loud and for so long that Yankee Stadium completely disintegrates and David Wells is like “Ho-lee-shit” and takes the flask out from underneath his cap and toasts his historic victory and no trace of the girls was ever found and some say that their damned souls returned to the hellish dimension from whence they came just like in the original Pitch Perfect but that was about the girls trying to fuck over Pelé at the 1970 World Cup.

Own it today!