2019: After the Fall of New York (1983)

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: In the far future of 2019, mankind has become infertile and it’s a race to find the last fertile woman in New York City to save the human race.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• More Eye-talian post-nuke schlock. Let’s check it out!
• Ah yes 2019. Wasn’t that like 15 years ago? Fucking feels like it.
• I thought the trumpet theme here was going to be The Godfather theme. And now it’s sounding more like Chuck Mangione.
• Hahaha. As soon as I wrote that previous note, we see the trumpet player on screen for the first time and he lowers the trumpet in sadness and the score gets more ominous. Jeez, can’t this flick take a joke?
• Special Guest Star George Eastman as “Big Ape!” The role he was born to play!
• Original music by Oliver Onions. His music always brings a tear to my eye.
• So far the city backdrop during the credits looks great. Ominous and dark, it’s sure to couple nicely with all the nitpicking I’m going to do.
• 20 years since the nuclear holocaust. The leader of the Eurac monarchy the powerful Euro-Afro-Asian Union, was the one who “pressed the button.” Euro-Afro-Asian Union? That’s quite the union. That’ll make colonizing and exploitation way easier.
• “Earth has been reduced to a garbage-strewn radioactive desert, inhabited by humans devoid of all hope for a future.” I was referring to real life in 2026, not the film.
• For 15 years, not one human child has been born! No one can afford anything!
• The score here sounds like Harold Faltermeyer who’s had a few too many mai-tais at lunch.
• The captain of the Eurac guards (who look like knights with helmets that look like Venetian blinds) tell a rag-tag group of humans that the deadline for voluntary presentation at the experimental center is 6:00. Then he says in 30 seconds the hunters and exterminators (hunters AND exterminators?!) will commence with the dis-infectation. Then he looks at his watch and it’s 6:20. Way past deadline.
• I see baseball bats with nails through them, guns and flame-throwers just shooting randomly in an empty city block. There’s people hiding in the buildings that all have some injury on their faces. I’m assuming they are mutants like the prologue stated. Or just Broadway fans trying to get tickets.
• So now in Nevada is Parsifal (played by Michael Sopkiw) in a race (a death race?) against another car with 4 people inside. Why are there 4 people in a race car? Just out for a pleasure cruise?
• The announcers and judges remind me of the Hunger Games in terms of the steam-punkesque attire. Also in terms of how little I like the franchise.
• I’m sorry, it’s not a race but a duel! That’s even better! But the sign over the announcers clearly says: Nevada Race.
• The souped up Mad Max cars have battering rams, guns, and assorted cutting weapons sticking out of them. But do they have heated seats and cup holders?
• Parsifal lost! Sort of. His car flipped upside down and the opponent rammed the car over a cliff (indeed it exploded!) but Parsifal wasn’t inside but is now feeding these goons knuckle sandwiches!
• He killed the last guy by kicking him onto their car’s spikes, impaling him in the belly. The crowd goes bananas!
• This crowd is all over the place. I see goths, punks as well as Native Americans and hipsters.
• Parsifal goes over to this tent with an animatronic clown (supposed to be but it’s really an actor) that just keeps saying: “You’re the victor of life and happiness” in a very annoying robotic voice.
• Right on Parsifal, you win 20 ounces of gold and a hooker/sex slave named Flower who looks like a young Brad Garrett in drag.

• Well this is awkward. The announcer tells Parsifal that he’s the greatest and that the person who will beat him has yet to be born but then he remembers that mankind is sterile. Way to kill the vibe dude.
• I guess he can de-flower Flower all he wants without worrying about the baby batter.
• Parsifal rides a tricycle. And is trying his darnedest to look tough while doing so.
• Cyborgs exist and Flower just told Parsifal that she knew a cyborg once and didn’t realize he was a cyborg until she fucked him. It’s a great story.
• Overhead as Parsifal and Flower are riding in the Nevada desert is a flying ship who communicates to Parsifal that they want to talk with him. Parsifal tells them: “…I don’t have time to jaw with anyone whom won’t identify himself.” And then they just fly away.
• Further up the road, they find a horse trailer with two horses standing around and 2 humans near death with green ooze coming out of their mouths. Parsifal mercy kills them and tells Flower that they must’ve drank radioactive water.
• He then gives Flower the money he won and tells her she can have a horse. She then thanks him and rides away. Even Parsifal has standards.
• Someone on top of a cliff just shot laser rings at Parsifal which looked like old 50s flying saucer tractor beams.
• Or the stun setting in Star Wars (keeping the Star Wars mentions alive!) when they captured Princess Leia.
• It was the same dudes asking to jaw with Parsifal but he wasn’t jawing with the likes of them.
• They fly him to Alaska which looks like the filmmakers are repurposing the models and sets of Krypton from Superman the Movie.
• They drag Parsifal into the office of some tough-as-nails, no-nonsense captain [Editor: The President actually] that Parsifal thought was dead. Let me guess, they want to task Parsifal into infiltrating New York to find something or someone. What a fresh and original take on the genre!
• The Pan-American Confederacy?

• According to this general or whoever he is (these flicks never do proper introductions), the memory banks in their genetic robots tells them that there’s a fertile woman hidden in New York. Children of Men totally ripped this movie off!
• “One fertile woman is not enough to recreate the entire human race!” But it’s a challenge that Parsifal will be up to the task for!
• She’ll have 500 eggs in her ovaries! That’s 500 uncontaminated human beings! Do they really expect her to shit out 500 babies? Is she a Queen bee now?
• Can’t wait to see how they blackmail or threaten Parsifal into doing this mission that he obviously doesn’t want to do.
• Apparently he’s the only man who can carry out this mission successfully. Snake Plissken is retired.
• The prize for bringing back the fertile woman is a ticket on the next inter-planetary flight off this rock! That’s a honey of a deal.
• So let me get this straight. In 2004 there was a nuclear war that pretty much destroyed the entire planet. Sometime in the 15 years since this time of the movie, these guys built a base in Alaska and somehow built a spaceship that can take people to planets in the Alpha Centauri solar system? I wonder if it was Elon or Bezos that made this happen.
• And to sweeten the deal, the general says that if Plissken, err I mean, Parsifal refuses that he won’t leave the base alive.

• He can’t bring his laser pistol but he will be accompanied by two other bad actors. One is even wearing an eyepatch! His name is Ratchet. Nurse Ratchet.
• The other has a claw hand and is named Bronx. He’s from Yonkers.
• Tex Colorado from Detroit would join them but he had other plans.
• “Getting in will be easy. It’s getting out that’s impossible.” Why does that line sound familiar?
• It’s hard to tell since this is supposed to be a barren wasteland but we see Parsifal, Bronx, and Ratchet riding cycles in the desert juxtaposed with the trumpeter playing in New York. After a little back and forth editing, the three riders are now in New York. I assumed the desert scenes were still in Nevada but it could’ve been Pennsylvania for all we know unless the film just sped up their journey by 125x speed.
• “You want to get into Manhattan? You’re crazy.” Why? Is it rush hour during Fleet Week or something?
• The three guys are sneaking in through sewer tunnels which still have running water but isn’t all water contaminated?
• Also that general fella said getting in would be easy but so far that’s further from the truth.
• Hahahaha. As soon as I finished writing that Parsifal says “Who said that getting in would be easy?”
• I hope that those aren’t cancer-infested rats.
• Parsifal’s crew has only been in Manhattan for 5 minutes and they already run afoul of some nasty gang members! The more things change the more they stay the same amiright?
• Where are Swan and The Warriors when you need them?
• There’s a few concealed weapons in this melee. One thug has one blade that telescopes out of his wrist kinda like Wolverine but just one blade. Actually I really should say spike since it’s not really a blade. Ratchet has three metal balls attached to wire from his wrist that he uses to attack with. All mildly interesting stuff.
• Seems the only weapon that is doing them any real good is Parsifal’s bolo knife. Who would’ve guessed?
• Parsifal’s crew hides in the sewer (back down again?) to evade getting caught by the Euracs on horseback but when they try to emerge some hobos attack them and pour what looks like boiling shit water on them. So the crew has to further navigate around the sewers. Again.
• 20% of this flick is already spent in NYC sewers. Guess the subways were taken over by C.H.U.D.s.

• Another group of ne’er-do-wells in the sewer are killing and collecting rats. I’m assuming for food, fuel and clothing. One fool falls down and gets killed by 10s of rats while the others watch him slowly die an agonizing death. Only in New York.
• One other sewer dweller spots a little person in the sewers and thinks he’s a little boy. So naturally these freaks want to chase him and try to kill him. But then they do realize he’s a little person and they really want to kill him!
• Parsifal saves the little person and now has to fight the sewer freak’s leader that uses a whip as his main weapon. Doesn’t anyone talk anymore? It’s always just violence and fighting with these apocalyptic flicks. Use your words gentlemen!
• Yay! Drag is the winner! Not sure of what but I think it’s most rats collected. Way to go Drag!
• What does Drag win? Access to rape one of the women in the group? Can we go one fucking flick without a fucking rape?!
• Before Parsifal and crew can escape these rat-eaters, the Euracs storm in, bowcasters, err…I mean, laser crossbows a-blazing!
• West 122 street? That’s Harlem. Why did Parsifal start north to go down to Manhattan instead of crossing the Hudson at like Hoboken or something?

• Don’t look at the camera. Don’t look directly at the camera. Don’t!
• So somehow Ratchet evaded capture but Parsifal and Bronx are in some office of the Eurac leader. And what’s that painting behind the desk? Why that’s Picasso’s Guernica, which is also prominently displayed in Children of Men. Guess Cuarón was a fan of this flick.
• This Eurac dickhead leader who is trying to look like Richard Moll explains that they fused Europe, Asia and Africa into one single race. It’s only been 20 years buddy according to what this flick told us earlier since the nuclear holocaust. That’s hardly one generation much less dozens that would theoretically mix THREE continents of vastly different races together.
• “From what I’ve seen in the past 20 years, mankind should be banished from the universe.” Bill Hicks couldn’t have agreed more.
• The Eurac Leader asks Bronx what brought them to New York. Bronx attacks him with his claw hand and gouges out his eyes. But I was hoping Bronx said something like, Rockefeller Center, Saks 5th Ave., grab a dog at Grey’s Papaya, maybe see a show.

• Guess he’s not a very good Eurac Leader questioning a suspect of rebellion while that suspect isn’t handcuffed or tied AND has a metal claw hand!
• Of course Parsifal gets interrogated by a woman. And of course she wants to talk with him alone. And of course she’s gorgeous. And of course it’s Anna Kanakis who played Alma in The New Barbarians.
• And of course she immediately starts getting horny for him, kisses him and frees him of his restraints.
• Parsifal without hesitation tells this lady that his mission is to find the last fertile woman. Do you know what confidential means asshole?
• Wait a tic, he also says that the rat-eater girl that almost got raped was that woman! How the fuck does he know that?! Is this some sort of bluff?
• And of course Giara, the fertile lady, is young, blonde and pretty. I wouldn’t kick her out of bed for eating crackers.
• Parsifal is now forced to watch Bronx get tortured on a rack-type table. There are two armed guards also in the room. A computer voice tells Bronx that he will be safe if he tells them about their mission. But Parsifal already told them their mission a scene ago and he doesn’t say anything to help Bronx.
• Instead he fights the guards to free Bronx. A much easier solution.
• While Parsifal is dicking around with the guards, Bronx is still strapped to this table and the robot voice is saying that he will be terminated in 10 seconds and then starts to countdown. Why the hesitation?
• Anyway, it’s stuck on four because Parsifal made the table malfunction. Easy-peasy.

• Geneticists tell Anya (Kanakis) that the test and data they got on Giara indicate that she is in fact sterile but Anya believes someone from a rebellious enemy’s word more so she orders more tests!
• Now it becomes a rescue mission for Parsifal who has to help Giara before her tests. He’s her only hope!
• Head of the Eurac guards is asking an underling if he localized them [Parsifal et al] and the kid says not yet. Anya storms in right then and says: “We have to catch them!” No duh.
• Hahaha. The voice-over telling the Euracs that the prisoners are on sector four sounds like he’s bored out of his gourd.
• Look, I get that this is a dystopian future and all clothing is going to be weird, especially for the lower classes but why are the Eurac troopers in those weird Venetian blind helmets and wearing capes? Capes?
• Yet another Schlocktoberfest feature that has some of the worst marksmanship I’ve ever seen. Troopers miss Parsifal, Bronx and Giara running away in front of them at only 40 yards away. It would be harder to miss on purpose at that range.
• For no reason whatsoever, Bronx stays back to shoot as many troopers as he can (3) while Parsifal and Giara flee.
• Only for them moments later getting surrounded outside.
• It’s OK though, Parsifal is fighting 6 armed troopers single-handedly.
• Oh there’s Ratchet. So good of you to show up!
• Careful Oliver Onions, your score is getting too much into Carpenter territory.
• The little person from earlier is now assisting them out of the Eurac base and where does he lead them? The sewers of course!
• Oh no Parsifal was stunned by the stun guns! But not to worry, Ratchet helps him down the sewer ladder.
• Down in the sewer they are helped by more little people.

• The Eurac Leader is getting his eyes fixed while he chats with Anya. He suspects that Parsifal is a part of the Pan-Am Confederacy. Really? What made him think that?
• So, how do the Pan Am Confederacy know of Giara? And how do they know that she is fertile? Does she have a Rat-Eater OB/GYN in the sewers?
• Of course, the little person’s name is Shorty. But I thought they’d go with the ironic name, like stretch or a clever name like Minute Bol.
• Ratchet explained that he found Parsifal with his body scent receiver that found him and Bronx in Eurac headquarters. Word to the wise, don’t ever use that body scent receiver in Staten Island.
• Giara to Parsifal: “I’m really rooting for you to bring this mission off.” I think something got lost in translation there.
• Now I’m confused (hey, it took a lot longer this time!). Shorty tells Parsifal that he knows what he’s looking for and Parsifal asks Shorty if he knows where she is. Did I miss a scene where Giara really isn’t the fertile one or is Shorty confused? Is Parsifal confused? Was Parsifal lying earlier? Is Ratchet ever going to get rid of that rash?
• Shorty says he’ll tell Parsifal where “she” is if he promises to smuggle Shorty out of New York when they leave…in a suitcase. That’s not me making a joke—Shorty actually suggested that.

• The Troopers are attacking the little people camp with high-pitched frequency sounds. I haven’t seen such sonic cruelty and barbarism since that last Kid Rock concert.
• Quick! Get to the sewers! No? Not this time?
• Why is Shorty foaming at the mouth? Does he have a little case of rabies?
• At certain angles, Shorty looks like John Belushi.
• The crew enter this one building and find what looks like a nursery with a woman rocking a bassinet. On closer inspection it was a mannequin and a baby doll instead. But the idiots don’t recognize that this is a trap and a giant net falls on them while some acrobatic madman jumps down and attacks them.
• Not for long because the Eurac troopers come in and shoot the acrobat guy in the head.
• I always laugh at the use of nets as a capture device. I can see how it might slow a running person down a little but always in movies when someone gets a net thrown on them they always lose control and can’t get out. In this case, the crew struggle to remove the net and when the head trooper approaches them he helps cut the net. He could simply lift the ends over their heads again. It’s like having a giant blanket with holes placed on them; it shouldn’t be hard to remove. Did the Mythbusters ever test this out?
• Ratchet uses his 3 metal ball weapon thingy on one of the guards bringing over Shorty and a big fight breaks out. Ratchet takes a trooper hostage as the head trooper brandishes a gun.
• Ratchet: “Drop it or he’s dead!” The head trooper smiles and simply shoots the trooper a few times in the chest.
• Just then a rather Cro-Magnon George Eastman appears out of nowhere and slices the trooper’s guts out with a sword! Other Cro-Magnon men appear and kill the rest of the troopers.
• Oh yeah, I forgot George Eastman is Big Ape. So they are apes? They don’t look anything like apes though.
• Big Ape asks why the troopers were “combing the city for you guys. Like you were bunches of bananas.” Please tell me that the Ape theme will be this ham-fisted.
• Seriously, is he supposed to some sort of ape-human hybrid because all I see is a normal head of hair with a mustache and beard but with extra large and thick eyebrows and some extra hair glued to his cheeks.

• Jumpin’ Jesus on a pogo stick, now Parsifal is telling Big Ape about his mission about bringing back a fertile woman. He just fucking met them and how do you know Big Ape wouldn’t kill them all to use the woman once he uses them to find her? Parsifal is an imbecile.
• Oh I guess he’s not a complete dummy since he’s been lying after all about Giara being the fertile one. Giara just tells Big Ape that she’s one of the Needle People. Needle People? Like junkies?
• But in my defense, there was no scene or indication that Parsifal was going to conceal Giara’s identification as a closely guarded secret and tell Ratchet and Giara the plan.
• Some of Big Ape’s people have better ape costumes or make-up than Big Ape. Oh well, whatever.
• Do I want to know how Big Ape and his Ape-men tribe became ape-men? Were they apes that became more human or vice versa? Probably for the best that we don’t know.
• Of course, now Big Ape and a friend of his are discussing raping Giara. I give up.
• When Big Ape’s friend actually grabs Giara and Parsifal tries to intervene, of course a fight breaks out between Parsifal and this sexual sadistic ape-man.
• The film takes a page from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid when Parsifal stops the fight to ask what the rules are. When the ape-man opponent says there are no rules; this is a fight to the death, Parsifal takes the opportunity to kick the Ape-Man in the balls.
• But that’s Omega Cop’s signature move!
• This act of bravery, chivalry and strategy makes Giara all loosey-goosey in the loins and kisses Parsifal.
• The defeated ape-man with the ruptured testicle gets laughed at by his own ape-man tribe and skitters off. I’m going to assume to find ice for his nads or he’s so butt-hurt he’s going to tell the troopers on them!
• Of course Giara and Parsifal are going to bone. Right there in front of everyone? And she asks: “Do you mind?” But I’m not 100% sure what she means by that. Is she asking Parsifal if he minds she’s a girl?
• “Giara, If love had any meaning in this world, you’d be the one I love.” I saw that sentiment on a Hallmark card once.
• She answers with: “Love me now.” Guess his charms worked!
• Again, this romance just fucking appears out of thin air. At no point did Parsifal even look at her with any intent of being remotely impressed with her or anything. Since he’s been with her all they’ve been doing is running and fighting for their lives. I don’t think they said more than 5 words between the both of them.
• Somehow Big Ape found out that Parsifal was lying about Giara and wants to kill him with a scimitar. Maybe he googled it or something.
• Shorty pleads with Big Ape that Giara is not the fertile one and that he knows where the fertile one is. Big Ape then demands that he’s taken to her to: “…live on through my children.” Is that considered bestiality?
• Regarding the large steel door that possibly has the fertile woman inside, Big Ape just pulls out a few sticks of TNT willy-nilly out of his pants to blow the door open.
• Inside is a laboratory and a recently deceased professor. He died of boredom like I will soon.
• Big Ape upon seeing a beautiful blonde unconscious on a table: “She can make a baby?” I don’t know about baby-making but it looks like it’s worth a try or three.
• Shorty explains that she’s not dead but in hibernation like Han Solo in carbonite.

• Shorty goes on that she’s the professor’s daughter and he put her into hibernation to save the human race later on but there was no place to take her. I don’t even know what that means. 
• Now Shorty is showing them how they planned to escape with the girl when the time was right. How the hell does Shorty know all this? Was he part of the plan?
• The professor has a blue station wagon that has a full tank of gas. Not sure if 20-year-old gasoline is any good still but whatever.

• Big Ape is most likely trying to figure out if he can rape this girl in a coma and get away with it.
• They plan on using the Wagonqueen family roadster to escape through the Lincoln tunnel which is heavily fortified. They should consider the 69th street bridge!
• While the humans plan on going to a guarded junkyard for a piece of steel to shield the roadster from laser cannons, Big Ape volunteers to guard the coma girl. What could possibly go wrong with that?
• Oh yeah, have Giara also stay with Big Ape and the coma girl. What could possibly go wrong with that?
• Immediately, Big Ape knocks out Giara. I really assumed he’d sexually assault both women so this is a pleasant surprise.
• When the troopers enter the junkyard, Shorty draws their fire and makes them chase him as a distraction from Parsifal and Ratchet. When he’s caught and made to give up his friends’ whereabouts, he kills himself by thrusting his chest on two sharp spikes on an engine of an old sedan. A little dramatic doncha think?
• When Parsifal returns with the steel plate, Giara tells him that everything is alright. Even Big Ape is confused and taken aback at her lie.
• I’m shocked that Big Ape didn’t make Parsifal or Ratchet smell his fingers.
• Parsifal rams the roadster through a brick wall while Big Ape was looking for an alternate route. At first it seemed like they wanted to abandon him but Parsifal says they need all the friends they can get. Which makes me wonder why the rest of Big Ape’s Ape-men aren’t helping.
• I haven’t mentioned it yet but the laser gun sound effect is really annoying.
• Well that was easy. Parsifal simply rams through the Eurac Trooper check point and speeds off down the Lincoln Tunnel. He’ll probably still hit traffic a quarter of a mile in.
• Hey! It’s illegal to change lanes while inside the tunnel Parsifal!
• He has to maneuver around spikes in the ground but these spikes are illuminated and easy to spot. The tunnel’s skill level must have defaulted to ‘easy-mode’.
• As the troopers are firing at the roadster from openings in the walls, Big Ape opens the back gate and throws his scimitar which acts like a boomerang and cuts off like 4 trooper heads. Simply amazing!
• With a new blocked route with elevated spikes and more shooting troopers, Parsifal basically drives half-way up the tunnel wall to evade the danger. It would’ve been way cooler if the car drove on 2 wheels on the same side but I know I’m asking for too much.
• Shit! The laser cannon’s animated blue bolts are damaging the roadster! It’s firing practically every 2 seconds but the steel plates are doing their job.
• How do the Eurac’s power this laser cannon anyway? Where is the electricity coming from?

• The exit of the tunnel has some sort of laser forcefield that somehow only kills Big Ape in the back. But why wasn’t this force field at the other end of the tunnel also?
• Meanwhile the Richard Moll dude’s new eyes are ready and before he can devise a plan on how to get the Giara back, Anya turns against him and kills him and the nurse. Guess she has plans of her own. I wouldn’t know since it’s been 35 minutes since we last saw her.
• According to Ratchet, the Pan-Am confederacy air units wiped out Eurac headquarters! How did they know Parsifal made it out in time?!
• Oh so part of the plan was to actually have Big Ape impregnate Melissa the coma girl? But but, why?! You’re better off having Shorty repopulate the earth. Also, who knew about the ape-men prior to this mission?
• Man, North Jersey looks like Nevada in 2019. Probably still stinks like rotten eggs.
• Parsifal stops the roadster to tell Ratchet that he figured out he’s a cyborg. Why is this important now? And why does this need to be fought to the death for? He’s clearly an ally despite his cybernetic handicap.
• In the melee’s confusion Ratchet accidentally stabs Giara. Then Parsifal takes Ratchet down with a large rock to the noggin’.
• Hahahahaha. As Giara is dying she comforts Parsifal by telling him that her sacrifice was worth it and then quotes Neil Armstrong’s Leap for Mankind speech.
• Back at the Pan-Am Confederacy’s Alaska headquarters, the President lays out the final plan: “You [Parsifal] and the others [who?] will remove the eggs as she ovulates. You will fertilize them on the glass, and the human race ought to be saved.” Does he mean they just shoot their loads onto a Petri dish directly over the eggs? Is that what he means by “on the glass”?
• Oh they were already on the ship that will take them to another solar system and the president says he’s too old to join them and leaves.
• The close-ups of the model of the spaceship look exactly like the Satellite of Love.
• I guess Anya was never included in the finale? Another pointless character.
• The film ends with the ship lifting off and the girl Melissa opening her eyes and smiles at Parsifal. And I die a little inside.
• It’s a little funny that they struggled hard to find and get the last fertile woman on the planet—and then immediately take her to another planet anyway. Fuck Earth; it was a good run.

 

What year?!: Sometime in-between 2000 or 2020; maybe 2112, I can’t figure it out.

Who are the Enemies: Euracs, Needle People, random NYC gangs, Ape-men 

What Happened to the Earth?: Nuclear Holocaust!

Final Thoughts: While not the worst flick this month; it’s not that too exciting either. Lots of “borrowed” elements from other popular post-nuke, dystopian source material like Mad Max, Escape From New York especially, as well as Star Wars but actually beating the novel The Children of Men’s infertility dilemma by a good 9 years. At times it could be fun but mostly weird and corny with yet another hero with no rizz as the kids say today. I liked it more than The New Barbarians mostly because the plot is a little more interesting and Michael Sopkiw is a better hero, but only ever so slightly. If you’re a huge fan of dystopian flicks, then I would recommend it, however, nothing much going on for a casual viewer.

Score: 4 Visits in the New York Sewers (out of 10)