Omega Cop (1990)

Trailer: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: John Travis isn’t just a good cop in a post-nuke world. He’s the only cop.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• This VO is obviously Adam West.
• He sounds more annoyed at the destruction of the earth more than anything.
• Oh man, the slave traders are at it again?!
• The Goon Squad!? Not sure if that nickname is insulting or ironically endearing.
• The Japanese own Acapulco? Man, the future really does turn to shit doesn’t it?
• I’m assuming this Travis dude is the Omega Cop. That’s what the titles and the freeze frame seemed to imply.
• The female dispatcher at the police station apparently has the hots for Travis since she gifted him an “oldies” cassette tape in an envelope with a lipstick kiss mark on it. Adam West is the opposite and hates Travis. Why? Because every police movie inn the 80s always has a renegade cop vs. the strict no-nonsense police chief. That’s why!
• This Beach Boys-style surf rock sure does fit with an authoritarian post-nuke world. Mike Love approves anyway.
• Run-do-run, run-do-run, run-do-run, Draggin’ USA! They’re talking about drag racing right?
• I’m not sure if these are slave traders or sex traffickers. Or both. I’m not sure what is the difference is. But let’s move on…
• Man auctions a lady for 145. Not sure if that’s dollars, rupees, or Magic the Gathering cards.
• “She’s guaranteed for 5 years or 50,000 miles of leg spreadin’ boogie!”
• The auctioneer reminds me of Artie Lange.
• Mr. Wraith?!
• The auctioneer is having trouble selling this woman and he lists her “qualifications” and even the crowd of perverts are looking uncomfortable.
• Now he’s throwing in a free 5 gallon tank of gas! Throw in some turkey jerky and you’ve got yourself a deal!
• Hey, if gas is over $4 a gallon in 2026 I can only imagine how much it’ll be in…let me check the year this is set in…ah, 1999!
• He’s still struggling to sell this lady so he’s saying that the 5 gallon gas will be mostly useless as no one has any cars nor anywhere to go. But it’ll barter for fresh drinking water. So, I’m lost now why men are bidding for sex slaves when they are starving and have limited water supply. Priorities people!
• Travis and the Goon Squad barge in and Travis hits the auctioneer in the gut with his shotgun. For like 30 seconds no one says a word. Finally Travis says “That’s the butt of my gun. Anyone want the front?!” Besides the line being ridiculous and sexually suggestive, it was way too long a pause for a quip like that.
• The Goon Squad are dressed like SWAT team members. There’s one “cop” in the crowd but he’s more Village People kinda cop.
• There’s also two perps that are wearing black face paint like Ax and Smash of Demolition but one of them is sporting a perm.

• Travis watches the two Demolition/King Diamond guys shoot one of his Goons like 4 times and just stares at it unraveling and doing nothing in the process to help his teammate.
• He lost another Goon! I’m guessing this raid of the sex traffickers is where he becomes the Omega Cop. You would think the movie would have them have one successful raid to show how good or how unconventional they are and get the job done first before wiping out his whole squad. Especially over a sex trade auction.
• However, on the other hand, I commend the picture for not wasting more time.
• Now I think that the Goon Squad is shooting at anything that moves because random people as well as the girls getting auctioned are getting gunned down. It’s pandemonium Gene!
• This is probably the most boring shoot-out I’ve ever seen. (Editor: Just you wait!)
• Grenades now?
• One Goon throws a grande under the car one perp was getting into to flee and it explodes the car and the Goon pumps his fist and says “All right!”
• It’s looking likely that the auctioneer and Ax and Smash and Village Person cop are going to be the main baddies since they are the only ones alive and killed the last Goon and making Travis flee the scene. The bad guys should be called the Goon Squad if you ask me.

• As Travis is running away the whole screen brightens up by a white light and a loud buzzing sound. Travis runs faster and takes shelter in a garage. The 4 bad guys also run in a panic with the Village Person Cop waling in pain.
• Adam West is told that it’s a solar flare. A big one!
• This hero Travis, the Omega Cop, reminds me if Tim Allen was mixed with Timothy Busfield. Must be a Tim thing.
• Prescott (Adam West) dislikes Travis even though they are on the same side and West makes his distaste known. When Travis radios for backup Prescott tells him in the most monotone voice ever that the solar flare fouled everything up and refuses Travis to return to base because he could be infected.
• “Wraith! It’s not over yet!” I hope he’s not regarding this movie. Because that bums me out.
• Some time has passed…not sure how much but Travis is in plain clothes and using binoculars to spy on the sex traffickers. So I can’t tell if it’s the next day, weeks from now or years.
• These sex traffickers are the worst. They are simply dragging a woman (I think she’s the one who was too expensive even with a free tank of gasoline) in the streets in broad daylight.
• Travis then drives a few yards towards them, stops, gets out and taunts the bad guys with a quick-draw pistol duel. Omega Cop thinks he’s fucking John Wayne.
• He shoots like 5 of the bad guys and leaves one, who was unarmed, alive. That guy runs away but Travis shoots him anyway. The girl he saved then complains that Travis shot him in the back. Not a thank you for saving me, or glad you showed up when you did. What an ungrateful bitch.
• So now the girl joins him and he asks her if she likes “oldies” and she says “how old are you?” He rolls his eyes and puts on a knock-off Johnny Be Goode and drives his Jeep away. Well, it’s an oldie from where I come from.
• Prescott saying “Come in Travis” reminds me of that Clash song Red Angel Dragnet but that was Travis Bickle in that song.
• Adam West is hilariously phoning in this performance. It’s one of the best Schlocktoberfest acting I’ve ever seen. Most of his scenes are him sitting and talking on the phone. Sadly, not a red phone.
• He tells Travis that there’s been another Solar Flare. But how would that happen without Travis knowing. How isolated are these solar flares? They are coming from the sun right? Our sun?
• Travis has about as much charisma as Chuck Norris, Bill Pullman and Mark Harmon combined!
• He tells the girl (that he just met and doesn’t even know her name yet) to watch the Jeep as he goes to visit someone. He even gives her a weapon to defend herself. Look, I know she was a victim of sex trafficking and most likely a decent person but in this post-nuke future, she could be anyone.
• I fucking hope she steals the Jeep.
• Seems Travis is visiting hobos.
• Canned beans are half-price! Score!
• I don’t think these hobos are actors. I think they’re actually hobos because they can’t act at all. AT ALL!
• “You got a big mouth for having a pea brain!” OoOh Travis your tough talk is wicked man!
• Travis is friendly with this shopkeeper or merchant, Slim (played to perfection by Troy Donahue), who asks Travis if he has a car. Travis says I have a Jeep (that’s a car!) and the merchant asks Travis if he’s willing to haul his goods up into the mountains. He just said he has a Jeep, and hate to break it to you but there ain’t a lot of cargo room in a Jeep Wrangler!
• Travis basically turns him down and then Slim says he should get out of town and to also take his daughter and find a family that could raise her (mind you she’s like 17 years old). So Slim goes from take my stuff to the mountains to find a foster family to take care of my kid. What the fuck?
• The guy who Travis kicked out of the shop earlier (the pea-brained one) comes back with like 8 other men dressed like the Taliban and taunts Travis. Travis nonchalantly says “You’re dumber than I thought you were.” One of the Taliban dudes says “Yeah?” And shoots Slim in the chest! 
• Travis has a weapon that I could only describe as The Spreader from the Contra video game.
• I don’t know this actor who plays Travis—Ron Marchini—but apparently he’s a martial artist but you wouldn’t guess that by watching this.
• He lost to Chuck Norris in a martial arts tournament in 1964! Norris beat Marchini by HALF A POINT!

• Good gravy, these fight scenes are so dull.
• Is Travis listening to Toni Basil as he’s driving?
• I guess I should mention that the movie obviously could not afford real pop music, even oldies, because every song that Travis listens to is like homage music for oldies. In other words, it’s obviously produced in the late 80s but made to sound like it’s 50s/60s. It’s bizarre and hilarious.
• So now Travis is protecting two women that he doesn’t know the names to.
• Does Travis live under a football stadium which is where the locker room is? He said “Home Sweet Home”
• Is that a prop skeleton that Travis is sitting next to or an actual dead football player? No one’s reacting to it.
• Adam West is still not allowing Travis back and finds a new lame excuse why not. He looks so hilariously bored has well.
• Prescott then tasks Travis with finding and killing Wraith and Travis says how high. Travis is a simpleton.
• I can’t wait to see what Wraith looks like. It’s too bad he’s not played by Cameron Mitchell or Rip Taylor.
• Wait. So Wraith is the Village Person Cop?! Did I miss something. I doubt it because this flick still hasn’t given us the name of the two girls Travis is with.
• Wraith tells his minions that he wants Travis taken care of yada yada yada and he also condemns this woman who’s tied up for not cooperating and constantly running away. He says he’s going to make an example of her. He takes the auctioneer’s switchblade, goes over to the woman and cuts off one of the buttons on her blouse (not revealing anything by the way because it’s still tied at the bottom). He then gives the blade back to the minion and tells him to take care of her and walks away. Wraith, you are diabolical!
• The auctioneer cuts her (not sure where because it was off screen) but Wraith collects her blood that’s running down her leg in a small goblet. He then drinks it and says “Next time I want this glass to be filled with Travis’ blood!” Then his minions start chanting “Travis’ blood!” Guys, I think this movie was made for kids.
• I gotta say, this is one horribly acted flick. Even Adam West is god-awful. It’s hilariously bad.
• It’s still better than Jesses Eisenberg’s Sasquatch role.
• Christ, how is there still 55 minutes left?!
• Travis stops the Jeep because he thinks some dude walking on the street is wearing his old Special Police ballcap. He really loved that hat.
• Thinking too much about the plot here but how is he the Omega Cop? Like he’s literally the last cop in this city? Not a single other police officer, security guard, dog catcher, truant officer or crossing guard!
• Hahahaha. This scene of Travis trying to get his hat back is straight out of 4th grade recess. Hey! That’s MY hat! So what, I don’t see your name on it!
• Hahaha. Travis then says “That’s my hat or one just like it.” Eat your heart out John Milius!
• Of course if Travis wanted his hat so bad he could’ve just killed the guy and his friends no questions asked. What? Travis already showed he doesn’t care about chivalry when he shot that dude in the back.
• Squeal like a pig? That’s the thugs taunting?
• “If you’re done talking I guess it’s time to get it on.” Typical Travis date night line.
• Again, lame ass fight with thugs coming at Travis one by one and letting him punch or kick them first.
• Hat and owner reunited at last! Thank the maker!
• Along the way back to the Jeep Travis stops a rape and saves yet another girl. He tells the other girls that she has a fever. How would he know that?!
• Nikolas van Helsing?!

• “All they [Wraith’s crew] look for is women, fuel and food.” And in exactly that order!
• Look I get that Ron Marchini is a martial arts master but that doesn’t mean he should be a star of action flicks. There was even a sequel to this called Karate Cop and he made about a dozen flicks in total but seriously, the guy can’t act his way out of a phone booth and he’s not action hero looking material. I’m sure he came cheaper than the bigger boys of the era but he should’ve just been a consultant, trainer or stunt man.

• I thought I recognized this older doctor. It’s Stuart Whitman from Night of the Lepus!
• “All they can protect now is Washington and New York. My guess is life is somewhat normal there now.” Oh yeah, it’s a perpetual paradise.
• Some kid stole stuff from the Jeep! I’m going to bet that Travis catches him and then has two take care of him now.
• Is the kid wearing leg warmers or pantaloons? Or are his legs just paler than Brian’s?
• OK, this leg chase between Travis and the kid is going on way too long for me to continue caring.
• I sure hope this flick has the cahjones to have Travis kick the shit out of a 12-year-old.
• IT’S A TRAP!

• Travis is surrounded by about a dozen of Wraith’s goons. This won’t be difficult I’m sure since they all attack one by one.
• I’m starting to notice a pattern that Travis likes to kick opponent’s crotches. He’s pummeled about 3 family jewels so far this flick. He probably should’ve tried that when he fought Norris back in ’64.
• Make that 4.
• And now make that 5.
• Someone shut these broads up please. They’re super annoying.
• Mr. Wraith? MISTER Wraith?! It’s Doctor Wraith thank you very much. He didn’t go to Wraith medical school for 5 years ago be called Mister.
• The auctioneer informs MR. Wraith that they captured Travis alive and that he had 2 women with him which gets Mr. Wraith excited. But he has 3 girls and why did they return to Mr. Wraith without nabbing the girls for him anyway while they were there?
• “Are they healthy looking?” “Yes, they will make fresh young whores.” Can’t run a good sex trafficking ring with spoiled & rotten old whores!
• Hilariously, Travis can take down dozens of dudes all by himself but when 2 goons bring in Travis to chain up for Mr. Wraith, Travis doesn’t put up any fight whatsoever. He’s not restrained or manacled or anything so what’s stopping him from going berserk on these guys?
• “You’re a dead man, you know that?” So the main villain had the hero brought in alive so he can tell him personally that he’s going to kill him?
• But now he’s willing to spare his life if Travis leads them to the girls. Like they said: women, fuel, and food. Priorities.
• The girls back at the doctor’s office are getting bored and restless and decide to leave. But the the doctor barges out of his office complaining that he’s in pain from a reaction from a recent solar flare. Stuart Whitman is trying to be convincing but he can only work with so much. It isn’t helping the scene that the girls are not reacting to his plight at all. AT ALL!
• The doctor is in such agony that he says “don’t let me become one of them!” Before shooting himself. Does he mean a bad guy like Wraith’s men or is there some sort of post-nuke mutant tribe we haven’t met yet?
• I think he shot himself although we don’t hear a gunshot off screen.
• That was misleading. An unfamiliar goon of Mr. Wraith’s starts taunting Travis like he knows Travis from the past. I could’ve sworn Travis was going to be shocked that an old friend or family member turned heel but nope, just one overzealous goon who Travis easily kicks and kills with his feet.
• Just one guard huh? Couldn’t spare another goon?

• Strangely enough, Travis’ feet are chained together but his hands are bound by a rope suspended from the ceiling. I guess because he has to escape somehow.
• What was the fucking point of that whole Travis is captured scene?!
• Another crotch kick. And that one had to hurt extra since the guy was about to whip it out to take a leak. Travis isn’t just ruthless; he’s sadistic!
• I’m starting to desire that Slim’s daughter, Zoe, should die. She’s a total cunt.
• I’ve only heard the girls names a few times now (Lena and Zoe) but they always say ZO and I’m not sure if they are mispronouncing Zoe or shortening it to Zo.
• Oh the doctor chickened out with his suicide. And now he’s wearing Black face! That’s why you stay away from solar flares kids!
• The doctor pleads and begs Travis to kill him but Travis refuses. The doctor then threatens to shoot Travis if he doesn’t shoot him and Travis still refuses but then the doc raises his pistol and Travis shoots the doc TWO times! Like, Christ dude, take it down a notch, he was your friend after all. Fucking psychopath!
• Well that was random. The girls are in Travis’ underground locker room secret hideout caring for that new girl. Travis returns and tells them to rest up, he’ll go on watch. He goes outside (which is the football field) and we hear an old baseball play by play recording. Different sport; not sure where the sound was coming from; was it all in Travis’ mind/memory? I don’t quite understand the significance other than the homerun described is a metaphor for the end of civil society.
• His “keeping watch” is Travis reminiscing about the first 10 minutes of the movie when they went to stop the sex trafficking auction and they failed.
• Travis also reminds me of Peter Riegert from Animal House.

• Travis and Lena are having a heart to heart conversation about water. Lena is too young to remember swimming pools and is shocked that once upon a time Travis used to swim. He says he used to swim at 10 years old. He must’ve grew out of the habit.
• Travis then tells her that his family had a swimming pool in the yard with a diving board 30 feet high! Bullshit! Did the Travis’ own an olympic sized pool in their yard?
• Mr. Wraith’s goons show up after Travis leaves with the sickly girl to see if Prescott will take her to help, and the two other girls manage to evade capture and run into the one place the goons will never suspect—the Men’s bathroom.
• The goons run past the restroom and the girls immediately leave the restroom and somehow get cornered by the goons again. It’s a rather small football stadium.
• Travis is outside the police headquarters and a bunch of “crazies” are storming the doors.
• The crazy scavengers outside found an acetylene torch. Speak English poindexter! [he could’ve just said a welding torch!]
• Travis says: “Prescott, I have some good news and some bad news. The scavengers found an acetylene torch.” Prescott: “You said you have some good news?” Travis: “That was the good news!” Prescott: “OK, what’s the bad news?” Travis: “They found a match!” Some of the dumbest writing ever!
• More gunning down unarmed folks in he back Travis?! Surprised he’s not going around kicking unsuspecting dick like usual.
• So after taking down 2–3 scavengers, Travis high tails it out of there in the Jeep while the scavengers make chase on foot. Tell me why this makes sense?
• Even after Travis escaping the rope earlier, Mr. Wraith still likes it enough to tie up Lena with it.
• I failed to mention that every time a scene takes place in Mr. Wraith’s hideout or torture chamber it’s like 85% dark. No lights and you can’t see squat. I’m sure it’s the same set as Travis’ locker room and this is a way to hide that fact.
• I’ve been calling Mr. Wraith Village Person Cop but he’s really M. Bison from Street Fighter.
• So earlier when Travis was prisoner, Mr. Wraith demanded Travis tell him where the girls are. Now the girls are prisoner and he demands to know where Travis is. This move is something else.
• Are the minions chanting “Bury Travis” or “Marry Travis”?
• Back at the football field and Travis suspects something’s amiss. Was there supposed to be a game today or something? How would be suspect something’s wrong by just looking at it?
• It’s an ambush! I don’t know why some of Mr. Wraith’s goons are wearing ski masks. Is there a reason they should be anonymous? Are they members of ICE?
• For some reason, Mr. Wraith and crew are walking to the Police headquarters.
• I haven’t seen Travis kick a crotch in a while. Is he losing his touch?

• Travis rescued Lena and Zoe and now has to face Ax and Smash. Ax is wearing a T-shirt with two large holes (one exposing his man-boob) that says Sugar Bare (Bare is not a typo) on it!
• Again, these two fight Travis one at a time. After Travis breaks Ax’s neck, it’s Smash’s turn and he too gets a snapping.
• Travis then again yells: Wraith! It’s not over yet! But it’s close though right? We only have 12 minutes left.
• OK, I missed the scene when Mr. Wraith and his goons storm the headquarters and breach it.
• Everytime Adam West says Wraith it sounds like rape. So I’m chuckling at him asking Travis if he wants to get raped.
• Adam West has not left that room by the way. In fact 95% of his screen time is sitting in a chair. Cameron Mitchell would be proud.
• Oh so now Lena is an expert marksman? Outstanding.
• Yeah, they have not said Zoe yet so I’m going with that the filmmakers/actors didn’t know how to pronounce Zoe. In fact, Lena yelled her name but it sounds red more like Zoo.
• Man, Zoe is such a grade-A prime Cuntburger.
• “Where’s Travis?” “He’s coming. I think.” Eat your heart out William Goldman.
• At the final minutes left before Mr. Wraith gets to Prescott, Prescott pulls out a grenade pin and then scoots over to his female assistant and ask her if she wants to get married and presents the grenade pin ring as the wedding band. How sweet.
• Although didn’t that lady dispatcher have the hots for Travis in the beginning of the flick? Two-timin’ floosey!
• So the whole plan here is that Travis was told by Prescott to blow up the entire building to stop Mr. Wraith and by gum, that’s what he did! Take that Mr. Wraith!
• As the explosions go off and escalate towards Travis as he runs from the flames, he manages to jump into a nearby pond. He takes off his shirt and invites the girls in the water. But I thought all water was contaminated? And Lena said she can’t swim! So fucking dumb!
• More fake oldies rock music. Summertime! Summertime! Kissing all the women in summertime! Oooh bop bop bop. I’m only watching the credits until the end to see who composed and played this music. I’m sure as shit that it’s someone related to the filmmakers.
• HAHAHAHA. The credits don’t even mention the music! That’s some bullshit. Guess we’ll never know. Lost to the sands of time.

 

What year?!: Tonight we’re gonna party like it’s nineteen-ninety-nine

Who are the Enemies: Sex traffickers, Terrorists, Crotches, Suicidal doctor, Annoying ungrateful bitches, The Police Chief, Solar flares

What Happened to the Earth?: Solar flares

Final Thoughts: This is one perfect example of So-Bad-It’s-Good! Sublime atrociousness for Schlocktoberfest. Every decision made for this flick is inept comedy gold. Now granted it has hardly anything to do with a post-nuke apocalyptic world but it makes that up in bad acting; terrible dialogue; abysmal script; cheap sets, make-up, and costumes; lackluster action scenes and martial arts choreography; mediocre villains and a charisma-less hero all make up this awesome schlock! I had a ball watching and mocking this thing and want to watch it again with the boys for a laugh riot. I can’t praise this poorly made vanity project enough and highly recommend it to you other schlock watchers out there. Ron Marchini has a slew of other starring flicks so now I’m gonna have to check those out.

Score: 6 Crotch Kicks (out of 10)