Schlocktoberfest XVI – Day 12: The Road Warrior (1981)

The Road Warrior (1981)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: xxx

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

Oh, this is Mad Max 2? Sorry wrong movie – I apologize-ah.
A quick history of Mad Max who from here on out shall be called the Road Warrior.
This reminds me of the intro to Watchmen.
The warrior Max, the ex-husband who screams at you on the phone.
Christ. Max’s family got killed far worse than Bruce Wayne’s.
The oldest Mad Max joke in the book: In a world without fuel, everyone drives around seemingly endlessly looking for it.
Is the dog’s name Murtagh?
I swear to fuck, I thought that was a chick on the back of the motorcycle with Wez there.
See ladies? Mel’s still quite charming when he’s quiet and not on the phone with you.
I hope that nude woman painted on the gyro fin isn’t the only skin in this flick.
Thank the pooch for ending this scene.
The dreaded, “kill me and you’ll never find out’ excuse.
It’s been maybe 30 years since I’ve seen this film and it took only 15 minutes for me to fall in love with it again.
Seeing Lord Humongous still brings a smile to this old man’s face.
It’s nice to hear Mel’s natural accent.
Bad luck: 3 on an Alpo can.
There sure is a fuck load of room to film a dystopian movie in the Australian outback.
Said the location manger to the director.
I hope Max’s dog got stunt treats.
Even the stunts through the binoculars are awesome.
Wez’s gold boy doesn’t seem to be too on board with the whole rape-pillage-murder thing.
I wonder if some of these motorcycles were re-fitted for the movie Megaforce.
This is a loud as fuck soundtrack for some reason.
First real pair of on-screen tits and they belong to a raped dead woman.
Hey! It’s the boomerang kid! I remember him.
That is one helluva kick-ass fort in the middle of the desert.
Helllooo nurse.
Max has the same relationship with his dog that Han had with Chewie.
These are the kind of forts we always wished we could build in the empty lot behind The Food Emporium.
The Mad Max films adore having people on the hoods of cars one way or the other.
The Ayatollah of Rock & Roll-A. How did no one steal that in the WWF of 1984?
Boomerang kid with the razor blade boomerang gives Wez’s gay lover a frontal lobotomy bush style by crickey!
Humongous’ MC is gonna have a hard time jerking off from here on out once again thanks to said boomerang taking off all the fingers on his hand.
Bennett really needs to let off some steam since the death of his golden twink boyfriend.
A sleeper hold? Alright – just as long as it’s not on the Belz.
Seems that they forgot to put the head wound makeup on golden boy’s retrieval shot there. No worries mate, no worries.
Just walk away.
All right, not to make it weird, but it’s gonna be a soft pass.
Boomerang kid rules and deserves the mechanical guts of that musical box.
Classic line: “Two days ago I saw a vehicle that’ll haul that tanker. You wanna get outta here? You talk to me.”
Classic line #2:
Anyone else think Furiosa could’ve taken Humongous?
We should rename Boomerang kid R2-D2 since he keeps saving Max’s ass all the time.
Oh yeah, Gyro-Guy. Forgot about him.
Mel missed his holster there, but made up for it quick with some improv.
I think Wez wanted the barber to shave “Gold Boy On My Back Forever” into the back of his head like all those bat symbols in the summer of 1989.
That one marauder looks like one of those robot cops from THX-1138.
You want awesome old school stunts with real stuntmen in real cars? Watch The fucking Road Warrior.
This is looking more and more like a bad plan Max.
I was wrong, there goes the third pair of tits. And the best ones yet to boot.
Snake bombs. Makes sense.
So, you got your reward and your just leaving then? That’s right yeah.
Crucifixion?
Yes.
Good.
Someone’s in the mood for ham & eggs.
The cute nurse has a crisis of conscience and decides not to fly away with the Gyro man and his Buscemi teeth.
You were pushing Max a bit too far there Pappagallo, that smack to the puss was justified.
Give George Miller a fucking Star Wars movie already you Disney pussies.
Lord “Hey wait up guys!” Humongous.
No gas, but plenty of nitro.
Well, fuck me and Max’s car.
I remembered the booby trap on his gas tanks, did you?
This looks like they’re airlifting Charlie Sheen outta ‘Nam.
And that’s Mel doing the stunt too, fuckin’ a.
Wez and Humongous’ leather and chain bondage thing is a tad homo-erotic, you’re not imagining things.
Before the fort exploded, did Kirk give the code?
Which is: Destruct sequence one, code one, one-A. Am I right Trekkies?
Lotsa tires in the air.
I forgot to mention that yeah, of course Max’s dog got fucking killed before.
Those poor two fuckers from the beginning of the movie are still tied to the front of the marauder’s car.
And of course the hot chick who eventually warmed up to Max is killed and run the fuck over.
Finally some bad guys die. Not in real life of course just here on my VLC player.
This final car chase fight looks like final levels of Pole Position, Contra, Bionic Commando, F-Zero, and Spy Hunter combined.
I fucking adore the Boomerang kid.
Christ, there goes Pappagallo. Hoist a Fosters in his honor mates.
Shit, Gyro didn’t get killed did he?
Good thing Max didn’t yell at the Boomerang kid like he was a cunt Russian wife.
Fucking Wez and his jump scare!
How do you make a Humongous Wez sandwich? Run a fucking tractor trailer up both of their asses.
Don’t worry about it Max, any crash you can walk away from am I right?
Gyro’s back in the picture as it were.
The narrator was the Boomerang kid as an old man who is now the leader of the Northern Tribes – and this whole thing was his memory of Mad Max helping them.
Fucking cool.
So, do we really need another hero?

What year?: In the future

Who are the Enemies?: Mohawked-latent-bikers

What Happened to the Earth?: Global war / Ecocide / Oil shortages

Final Thoughts: Until the recent Mad Max epics – this movie was considered the best of them all. I always thought this was this the then trilogy’s best entry, since I always found Thunderdome just a tad boring. Even though that might make Mighty Mel yell at me, I stand by my opinion.

Was It Entertaining: