GODZILLA DIRECTOR GARETH EDWARDS HAS SIGNED ON TO DIRECT THE FIRST OF THE STAR WARS SPINOFFS, IN WHICH EPIC ACTION SCENES BETWEEN HAN SOLO AND BOBA FETT WILL BE GLIMPSED BUT NOT SEEN UNTIL THE LAST FIVE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE.
ANOTHER PERSON WHO IS ATTEMPTING TO DIRECT EVERY MOVIE IN THE NEXT THREE YEARS IS ALFONSO CUARON, WHO IS NOW RUMORED TO BE UP FOR A PREQUEL TO THE SHINING, CALLED “DULL.”
HERE IS A MAP OF THE NEW JURASSIC PARK. NOT PICTURED: THE R.O.T.O.R.DOME, IN WHICH R.O.T.O.R. FIGHTS DINOSAURS TO THE DEATH FOR THE AMUSEMENT OF FAT, DROOLING TOURISTS WHO LIKE TO SIT IN THE “BLOOD ZONE” WHERE THEY WILL GET WET.
TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: DAVID HARRIS, BETTER KNOWN AS COCHISE IN THE WARRIORS, IS 55!
[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
[TODAY’S TRAILER: LIFE ITSELF]
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
R.O.T.O.R. Ebert: now there’s a critic.
LikeLike
Every movie but one gets a thumbs down (through the top of the director’s head).
LikeLike
Can this seriously be a thing? At the Movies 2 with R.O.T.O.R. Ebert and Gene Sis-Kill.
LikeLike
Haha! This should be a recurring column.
LikeLike
YES.
LikeLike
A prequel to the shining? So, it’ll have to be a porno then right? The Graphic and Drunken Baby-Making of Danny Torrance.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I used to fantasize that when I would bang Shelley Duvall while Shelley Winters watched.
I don’t understand why they just don’t make Doctor Sleep.
LikeLike
And then Shelley Long flicked her bean in the corner? It’s a hat trick Shelley bang!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Dude did you see the tape??
LikeLike
Sold it on ebay, reaped all the profits!
LikeLike
I would sue but I admire your business sense. I hope you kept a copy for yourself for cold Canadian nights.
LikeLike
I just banged Shelley Duvall. It was really awkward.
LikeLike