HTTHV’s Best of 2014!

We’ve tallied your votes, and here are the top 10 best-reviewed movies that came out in 2014, according to us, whose miserable, drunken opinions mean less than our discarded yellow fingernails. Enjoy!

10) Captain America: The Winter Soldier7.5

Cap is back! Can he stand up to the onslaught of Garry Shandling’s wicked super power of shooting botox out of his face?!

“Of the Marvel series, I’d rank this behind Iron Man, The Avengers, and the first Captain America, and just above Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer.”


9) Godzilla8 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)

Mutated giant lizard beast battles other mutated giant lizard beasts in a war for Elizabeth Olsen’s hand in marriage!

“The final battle was incredibly good. And the way he defeated the MUTOs, particularly the second one, was awesome.”

Godzilla rises

8) The Babadook8

Creepy entity haunts a mother and child because it’s ashamed of its ridiculous name.

“I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Probably more for the look and feel of it as well as the character-study of the two leads and the acting performances.”


7) Dawn of the Planet of the Apes8 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)

Apes escape the drape tape of grape crepes.

“This is a great sequel, and a top-notch summer movie that actually has brains and heart.”


6) Big Hero 68.5

Sciency teens fight evil with lethal medical robot.

“This is a super-cool movie that will keep you and your kids entertained from beginning to end.”

Big Hero 6

5) The Lego Movie8.5

The Legos are tired of being stepped on. Now, it’s their turn…

“It was smartly written, very funny and entertaining and had a great message of being creative and having fun and believing in yourself.”


4) Edge of Tomorrow8.75 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)

The U2 guitarist has 24 hours to live!

“Great action, great story, effects that weren’t too overblown, pretty cool-looking aliens, a pleasantly surprising amount of comedic moments, and a sweaty Emily Blunt make this picture a must-see for any fan of sci-fi and push-ups.”

Emily Blunt pushup 2

3) Into the Woods9

Johnny Depp finally snaps and retreats to the forest wearing a bizarre wolf costume made from the hair of dead jazz musicians.

“The acting was phenomenal from everyone, even the children. The intertwined crossovers of the different tales was very entertaining and funny, especially when there’s scenes like when Emily Blunt is trying to cut off Rapunzel’s hair or steal Cinderella’s slipper for her own needs.”

Depp Wolf

2) X-Men: Days of Future Past9

The X-Men have to reconcile their past demons in order to bond as a family and find the one true super power: love.

“One of, if not my favorite, comic book movie was X2: X-Men United and now after seeing Days of Future Past, I can easily say that it is a close contender to matching or topping X2—I enjoyed every minute of this new film and cannot wait for the next installment featuring Apocalypse.”


1) Guardians of the Galaxy9.05 (average between Brian and Brad’s scores)

A ’70s wedding DJ travels through space.

“Marvel’s clout and balls were way out there with this film, their big gamble since The Avengers and I think it paid off handsomely.”

Dancing Groot


And just for laffs, here the two movies we hated the most in 2014:

2) The Amazing Spider-Man 2 – 3

Peter Parker whines for almost three hours.

“It’s a complete mess from start to finish, with plot holes galore, character motivations all over the map, and dialogue that would make the Pope weep. It’s as stale as King Tut’s bread and tries to stuff waaaaaaaaaayyyyy too much into one movie.”

*not part of this movie

*not part of this movie

1) Oculus – 2

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, this movie can lick our ____.

“But back to Oculus, the Mirror That Eats, it’s just another example of bad acting, bad music, bad scares, bad kills and bad endings.”


17 thoughts on “HTTHV’s Best of 2014!

  1. These synopses are the greatest. Also, I had no idea you reviewed Into the Woods–and so favorably! Clearly, I have catching up to do. Well done, boys! Another fantastic year at HTTHV!


  2. Great to see Godzilla up here. No idea what everyone’s major malfunction is what that thing. It delivered everything promised. People don’t understand there’s a sequel coming, so all these bitchings about “oh, Godzilla wasn’t in it enough” are about to be completely redundant. When Godzilla 2 comes in and kicks equal (if not more) amounts of ass, they are going to feel pretty dumb. I’m sorry, but fuck. The hate for Godzilla has reached my critical point.


      • No, def not perfect. Not close. And I think I would have enjoyed it more too if Cranston had stuck around longer, but I still don’t think this picture has deserved the amount of bashing it has received. I don’t know why I got so vocal with this one but its just been a bit much lately.


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