Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-22-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

DANNY BOYLE MAY NOW TAKE THE JOB OF DIRECTING JOBBER LEONARDO DICAPRIO AS STEVE JOBS, WHO WAS A MILLION TIMES MORE DEPRAVED THAN JORDAN BELFORT.

STEVEN SPIELBERG IS COMING UP WITH THE STORY FOR GOONIES 2: GOOBERS, IN WHICH THE GOONIES ARE FORCED TO DO BATTLE WITH A RACE OF ALIEN NAZIS WHO FORCE CHUNK TO EAT A NUCLEAR DEVICE, WHICH IS HOW R.O.T.O.R. EXECUTED JERRY O’CONNELL.

THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIES PROBABLY WILL NOT HAVE MUCH TO DO WITH THOSE STUPID BOOKS AND SHIT THAT ONLY THE NERDIEST AMONG YOU CARE ABOUT.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: JACK NICHOLSON IS 77 TODAY BUT STARS OF ANDY SIDARIS FILMS TAKE PRECEDENT SO PLEASE WISH PICASSO TRIGGER STAR STEVE BOND A HAPPY 61ST BIRTHDAY!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: PICASSO TRIGGER]


8 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 4-22-2014

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