BREAKING MOVIE NEWS PRESENTED BY R.O.T.O.R.!

Todays Headlines

 

[BEGIN BREAKING MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
jesse eisenberg

JESSE EISENBERG HAS BEEN CAST AS LEX LUTHOR AND JEREMY IRONS HAS BEEN CAST AS ALFRED IN BATMAN VS. SUPERMAN. R.O.T.O.R. HAS NO PROBLEMS WITH JEREMY IRONS, BUT FOR REAL, JESSE EISENBERG? THE JESSE EISENBERG WITH ZERO ACTING ABILITY OUTSIDE OF BEING JESSE EISENBERG? THE JESSE EISENBERG WHO IS IN NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM MENACING, AND HAS THE VOICE OF A 14-YEAR-OLD BOY? HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A DASTARDLY VILLAIN MASTERMIND? GRANTED, NEARLY EVERYONE WAS WRONG ABOUT HEATH LEDGER AS THE JOKER, BUT THIS IS NOT HEATH LEDGER WE ARE TALKING ABOUT HERE, THIS IS JESSE EISENBERG, WHO SEEMS LIKE THE TYPE OF GUY WHO WOULD LET HIS GIRLFRIEND DATE OTHER PEOPLE THEN GIVE HER A SPONGE BATH AND SOME TEA WHEN SHE GOT HOME THE NEXT MORNING. R.O.T.O.R.’S CALCULATIONS THAT THIS WILL TURN OUT GOOD JUST PRESENT AN ERROR MESSAGE. WHICH WAS R.O.T.O.R.’S PLAN ALL ALONG. AFTER BEING CAST AS BEN AFFLECK AS BATMAN, R.O.T.O.R. RECEIVED A LOT OF BACKLASH, SO R.O.T.O.R. DECIDED TO TAKE THE HEAT OFF OF R.O.T.O.R. AND FORCE THE WORST POSSIBLE CASTING CHOICE FOR LEX LUTHOR IMAGINABLE. EARLY INDICATIONS APPEAR THAT IT HAS WORKED FLAWLESSLY.

[END BREAKING MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
 

12 thoughts on “BREAKING MOVIE NEWS PRESENTED BY R.O.T.O.R.!

  1. Word on the street is, he’s only taking the role so he can get his head shaved without his poor Jewish mother having a fit over the shearing of his very Jewish locks.

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  2. For future reference:
    Actors of fully Jewish background: -Logan Lerman, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Mila Kunis, Natalie Portman, Bar Refaeli, James Wolk, Julian Morris, Esti Ginzburg, Kat Dennings, Erin Heatherton, Odeya Rush, Anton Yelchin, Paul Rudd, Scott Mechlowicz, Andrew Garfield, Lizzy Caplan, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Gal Gadot, Robert Kazinsky, Melanie Laurent, Marla Sokoloff, Shiri Appleby, Justin Bartha, Adam Brody, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Gabriel Macht.

    Actors with Jewish mothers and non-Jewish fathers -Jake Gyllenhaal, James Franco, Scarlett Johansson, Daniel Radcliffe, Alison Brie, Eva Green, Emmy Rossum, Jennifer Connelly, Eric Dane, Jeremy Jordan.

    Actors with Jewish fathers and non-Jewish mothers, who themselves were either raised as Jews and/or identify as Jews: -Ezra Miller, Alexa Davalos, Nat Wolff, James Maslow, Josh Bowman, Ben Foster, Nikki Reed.

    Actors with one Jewish-born parent and one parent who converted to Judaism -Dianna Agron, Sara Paxton (whose father converted, not her mother), Alicia Silverstone, Jamie-Lynn Sigler.

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