Can you believe that it’s been half a decade since we first launched this here movie blog? They say time flies when you’re having fun, but it also flew for us. We’ve produced more than 1,400 posts since then, and generated nearly as many views! We hope you’ve found us as entertaining, informative, and insightful at least twice as much as our children do. Thank you all for reading, and here’s to five more weeks!

Brian’s Heartfelt Speech

We started this site with the purpose of it being strictly based on our What Were We Thinking? category. Brad and I had watched a lot of movies together as adults that we loved as kids and realized that we felt differently about them, either positively or negatively, and thought it would be a good idea to start a blog based around that concept, which is something we’d talked about forever. While that was a fun thing to do, it wasn’t that sustainable for the long haul, and we had to branch out into other things. Brad had been doing 31 days of horror reviews on his own and posting them to Facebook, so we decided to run with that idea for Schlocktoberfest, which is far and away the backbone and lifeblood of this site. We love doing it every year so much (although the Apecademy Awards season has become a close second), even when the movies are unbearably torturous. Over time we’ve evolved into doing a variety of different things on this site, and Brad and I have kind of realized what our own strengths are. Brad is an awesome reviewer delving deeply into his reviews with his honest opinions. He’s also amazing at his photoshops, video production, picking out music for Movie Music Mega Madness, and he’s a world class lover, from what I hear. As for me, I’ve taken a step back from doing actual reviews, and mostly focus on doing the comedic pieces like True or False Trivia, Home Video Alert, Haiku Reviews, and various dumb lists. I hope at least one of these has made at least one of you elicit half a smirk at least once, but I have crippling self-esteem issues and gravely doubt it. So I think together, we make a bitchin’ team. And now we’ve brought Jim on as a full-time Schlocktoberfester, which will no doubt lead to the dissolution of everything we’ve worked so hard for. But he knows our secrets, so we have no choice.

Brad’s Two & a Half Cents

5 years already? Seems like only yesterday Brian found me drunk and stoned (spiritually) lying in a gutter (literally) and cleaned me up (figuratively) and adopted me as a son (legally). He schooled me well, showed me the ways of the Samurai Cop, taught me the ancient art of Gymkata and pointed out the Miami Connection to me. Where would I be if he had not gave me a Star Crash course in Schlock Fu? I was just a poor boy, from a poor family and he spared me the life of monstrosity. In these glorious and awe-inspired years we have been through thick and thin, battling not just the blogging odds but our own inner demons as well. Through our mutual love of Babes, Bombs and Bullets we decided that death is but a door, time is but a window and we needed to start a site together. It was our density so to speak. What else did we have to lose or do? And we won’t give up and we’ll never surrender or recant or take those paternity tests! We have so little to do and so much time and still have to figure out the connection between the Elves and the Nazi’s. Thank you friends for taking this journey into the unknown with us. I hope we offended a few of you and remember: “This is for the Molokai Cops!”

Anyway, enough rambling, even though this site is all rambling. Here is a sampling of some of our favorite things that we have done in the past five years. Click on the links if you like to click things and then read them!:

What We Were We Thinking?: No Holds Barred

Review: The Wolverine

Review: Man of Steel

Review: Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Shitfest 2015: It Follows

Shitfest 2015: The Exorcist II: The Heretic

The 7 Most Ridiculous Crowds in Movie History

Gross! Adjusted for Inflation

Home Video Alert: Pitch Perfect 2

7 Celebrities Without Makeup

 Where Are They Now?: The Goonies

 Any True or False Trivia involving Jim Hanks

 True or False Trivia: Rocky

Ask Professor Popcorn: The Goonies

Ask Professor Popcorn: Batman

I Don’t Get It…: The Dark Knight Rises

7 Things You Never Noticed in Famous Movies

Photoshopped Philms:

 

 

 

Too Many Dads!

In Memoriam…