Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 5-22-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

THE MAN OF STEEL SEQUEL IS NOW OFFICIALLY TITLED BATMAN V SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE, WITH THE DAWN OF JUSTICE PART BEING COMPLETELY NECESSARY, OTHERWISE NO ONE WOULD KNOW THAT THIS MOVIE IS GOING TO TIE INTO THE JUSTICE LEAGUE. IT IS A LOT LIKE CAPTAIN AMERICA: THE FIRST AVENGER, WHICH SIGNALED TO PEOPLE, “WE ARE TOTALLY DOING AN AVENGERS MOVIE SOON, YOU GUYS, FOR REAL.”

Batman v Superman Dawn of Justice logo

 

A REMAKE OF IT IS GEARING UP TO GO, WHICH SHOULD MAKE THAT ATTENTION WHORE PENNYWISE REAL HAPPY. R.O.T.O.R.’S INVESTIGATION INTO CORRUPTION AND RIGGING OF THE VILLAIN MADNESS TOURNAMENT CONTINUES… 

GOOD NEWS FOR ABOUT SIX OF YOU PATHETIC FLESHWORMS, THE UNIVERSALLY DISLIKED SKYLINE IS GETTING A SEQUEL, WHICH IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME AND MONEY WHATSOEVER. YET R.O.T.O.R. MARK II: DEATH QUOTA, STAGNATES.

APPARENTLY RYAN GOSLING MADE ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES EVER, AND WARNER BROS. NOW WANTS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. WHEN REACHED FOR COMMENT, GOSLING JUST STARED, AND EVERYONE DECLARED HIM A GREAT YOUNG ACTOR.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: ALTHOUGH HE HAS WEIGHED ONLY 80 POUNDS FOR THE PAST 50 YEARS, RICHARD BENJAMIN IS STILL ALIVE AT 76!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: CABIN FEVER: PATIENT ZERO]


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