Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 5-21-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

THE COEN BROTHERS ARE WRITING THE SCRIPT TO STEVEN SPIELBERG’S MOVIE ABOUT THE COLD WAR STARRING TOM HANKS. IN IT, HANKS WILL KIDNAP A RUSSIAN BABY FOR RANSOM. WACKINESS AND BLUEGRASS MUSIC ENSUE.

JESSICA CHASTAIN HAS BEEN OFFERED ONE OF THE TRUE DETECTIVE LEADS, POSSIBLY TO STAR ALONGSIDE BRAD PITT AS A DETECTIVE WHOSE METHODS ARE ANTIQUATED SO SHE MUST MAKE LOVE TO R.O.T.O.R. IN ORDER TO OBTAIN R.O.T.O.R.’S HELP IN TRACKING DOWN AND EXECUTING FRUIT SMUGGLERS . 

ALFONSO CUARON’S NEXT MOVIE, FORSAKEN, IS BEING DESCRIBED AS GRAVITY BUT SANDY. BUT GRAVITY ALREADY INVOLVED SANDY, BULLOCK, THAT IS!! (THANKS TO KILLER GENE SHALIT FOR THAT JOKE)

DREW STRUZAN MAY COME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO DO THE POSTERS FOR THE NEW STAR WARS MOVIES. STRUZAN’S LAST WORK WAS ON THE R.O.T.O.R. POSTER, WHICH MENTALLY BROKE HIM DUE TO THE SHEER AWESOMENESS OF R.O.T.O.R.’S ABS.

ROTOR movie poster

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: R.O.T.O.R. PITIES ALL HUMANS, BUT ESPECIALLY THE FOOLS WHO DO NOT BELIEVE THAT MR. T TURNS 62 TODAY!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: D.C. CAB]


11 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 5-21-2014

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