Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 5-16-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

HARRISON FORD HAS OFFICIALLY BEEN ASKED TO RETURN AS DECKARD IN THE BLADE RUNNER SEQUEL, BECAUSE HE WAS NOT QUITE BORING AND MONOTONE ENOUGH IN THE ORIGINAL.

YESTERDAY’S RUMOR ABOUT ZAC EFRON MADE EVERYONE WET, SO IT IS ONLY FITTING THAT THE ROLE HE IS RUMORED TO BE UP FOR IS NAMOR, THE SUB-MARINER.

GET READY TO STAB YOURSELVES IN THE EYES WITH YOUR BROKEN FUNNY BONES, JASON FRIEDBERG AND AARON SELTZER ARE COMING BACK WITH WHO THE F#@K TOOK MY DAUGHTER? IT IS A TAKEN SPOOF, WHICH HAS NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE!

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: MR. MACHETE DANNY TREJO IS 70 FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: MONSTERS: THE DARK CONTINENT]

OK, THAT MAY HAVE BEEN THE WORST TRAILER OF ALL TIME. WHO APPROVED THAT RAP? THAT IS SO BAD IT BROKE 47 FEDERAL LAWS. BUT HEY, AT LEAST THERE ARE MONSTERS IN IT, UNLIKE THE ORIGINAL.


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