Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 3-31-2014

Todays Headlines

 

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

THAT NEW INDIANA JONES FRANCHISE WITH BRADLEY COOPER IS APPARENTLY UNTRUE, SAYS FRANK DARABONT, WHO IS PROBABLY JUST SAYING THAT. IT ALSO MAY OR MAY NOT BE TRUE THAT THEY ARE REPLACING THE NAZIS WITH AN ARMY OF R.O.T.O.R.S.

J.K. ROWLING’S FANTASTIC BEASTS AND WHERE TO FIND THEM WILL BE A MOVIE TRILOGY AND SOMEHOW IT WILL UPSET GROWN ADULTS WHO ARE WAY TOO OLD TO BE READING THOSE BOOKS. WHEN THE ARMY OF R.O.T.O.R.S TAKES OVER, ALL BOOKS WILL BE BURNED EXCEPT THE OFFICIAL NOVELIZATION OF THE MOTION PICTURE R.O.T.O.R. AND BOBBY “THE BRAIN” HEENAN’S AUTOBIOGRAPHY.

PIERCE BROSNAN WILL BE IN THE EXPENDABLES 4: PUDDING WARS.

KEVIN COSTNER WANTS TO MAKE AN EPIC WESTERN TRILOGY, BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES HEARING THE WORDS “EPIC” AND “KEVIN COSTNER” IN THE SAME SENTENCE.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: WELCOME BACK TO BIRTHDAY TOWN AT AGE 69, GABE KAPLAN!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
[TODAY’S TRAILER: INTO THE STORM]


4 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 3-31-2014

  1. The greatest Bobby Heenan quote, in reference to Hulk Hogan’s theme song:

    Brain: That’s my second favorite song.
    Gorilla: I’m almost afraid to ask…what’s your favorite?
    Brain: All the rest are tied.

    Like

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