Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 1-9-2014

Todays Headlines

 

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

THERE IS GOING TO BE A COOL TRAVELING MARVEL EXPERIENCE IN THE UNITED STATES AND EVEN CANADA FOR SOME REASON THAT WILL LET YOU EXPERIENCE LIFE IN THE MARVEL UNIVERSE AND PLAY WITH THOR’S HAMMER.

SPEAKING OF AMUSEMENT, WHICH R.O.T.O.R. DOES NOT CARE FOR, DISNEYLAND WILL BE CONVERTING PART OF TOMORROWLAND INTO STARWARSLAND. THE LONGEST LINES ARE EXPECTED TO BE FOR THE RIDE WHERE YOU GET TO MAKE OUT WITH YOUR SISTER.

GERARD BUTLER WILL BE THE ONE TO PISS ON PATRICK SWAYZE’S CORPSE IN THE COMPLETELY POINTLESS REMAKE OF POINT BREAK. R.O.T.O.R. ONCE WENT UNDERCOVER AS A SURFER AND BEAT A DRUG DEALER TO DEATH WITH A DOLPHIN.

MARK ROMANEK WILL DIRECT CASEY AFFLECK IN A MOVIE ABOUT THE BOSTON STRANGLER. R.O.T.O.R. WILL STAR AS R.O.T.O.R., WHO SOLVED THE CASE BY REALIZING THAT R.O.T.O.R. WAS THE ONE GOING AROUND STRANGLING PEOPLE.

IN HER ONGOING QUEST TO BE IN VIRTUALLY EVERYTHING, ZOE SALDANA WILL STAR IN THE TV MINISERIES REMAKE OF ROSEMARY’S BABY. THE FATHER? R.O.T.O.R.!

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
[PRESENT R.O.T.O.R. CES PRESS CONFERENCE (R.C. STANDS FOR R.O.T.O.R. CARNAGE)]

8 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 1-9-2014

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