Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 1

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Welcome to the opening round of the first ever Mirth Madness! Here we’re pitting some of our favorite movie clowns against each other in a Karate Kid-like tournament without a wuss like Daniel LaRusso and to the death. Now, this is our tournament, made up of the funny people that we at Hard Ticket to Home Video feel were worthy, so that’s why you may find some actors are repeated (e.g., Chevy Chase as both Clark W. Griswold AND Fletch!) or some omitted entirely (e.g., Pauly Shore’s character in In the Army Now). So get comfortable on the edge of your seat and vote, VOTE, VOTE! (voting for this round ends July 17 with winners announced that very afternoon!)

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 1. Jeff “The Dude” Lebowski
(The Big Lebowski)
16. Raoul Duke
(Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas)
Quote: “Let me explain something to you. Um, I am not “Mr. Lebowski”. You’re Mr. Lebowski. I’m the Dude. So that’s what you call me. You know, that or, uh, His Dudeness, or uh, Duder, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.” Quote: “A drug person can learn to cope with things like seeing their dead grandmother crawling up their leg with a knife in her teeth, but nobody should be asked to handle this trip. Bazooko’s Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing every Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich.”


 8. Austin Powers
(Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery)
9. Ace Ventura
(Ace Ventura: Pet Detective)
Quote: “My god, Vanessa’s got a fabulous body… I bet she shags like a minx… How do I let them know because of the unfreezing process, I have no inner monologue? I hope I didn’t just say that all out loud just now.” Quote: “Good question, Aguado. First, I’d establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug’s DICK, and became insanely jealous.”


5. Borat
 12. Mr. Bean
(Mr. Bean)
Quote: “I arrived in America’s airport with clothings, US dollars, and a jar of gypsy tears to protect me from AIDS.” Quote: “Hello, I’m Dr. Bean. Apparently. And my job is to sit and look at paintings. So, what have I learned that I can say about this painting? Well, firstly, it’s quite big, which is excellent. If it were very small, microscopic, then hardly anyone would be able to see it. Which would be a shame.”


4. Al Czervik
 13. Jeff
(Used Cars)
Quote: “You’re a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?” Quote: “Yessir, that’s New Deal Used Cars… Now wait just a Goddamn minute. What the hell is this? Is this a 1974 Mercedes 450SL for *twenty-four thousand dollars*? That’s too fucking high!”


6. Tanner Boyle
(The Bad News Bears)
 11. Happy Gilmore
(Happy Gilmore)
Quote: “Hey Yankees… you can take your apology and your trophy and shove ’em straight up your ass!” Quote: “Hey, if I saw myself in clothes like that, I’d have to kick my own ass.”


3. Dr. Frankenstein
(Young Frankenstein)
 14. Dr. Nikolas Van Helsing
(The Cannonball Run)
Quote: “Let me out. Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here. What’s the matter with you people? I was joking! Don’t you know a joke when you hear one? HA-HA-HA-HA. Jesus Christ, get me out of here! Open this goddamn door or I’ll kick your rotten heads in! Mommy!” Quote: “I’m Nikolas Van Helsing, professor of proctology and other related tendencies. A graduate of the University of Rangoon. And assorted night classes at the Knoxville Tennessee school of faith healing.”


7. Lili Von Shtupp
(Blazing Saddles)
 10. Miss Piggy
(The Great Muppet Caper)
Quote: “Hello, handsome, is that a ten-gallon hat or are you just enjoying the show?” Quote: “You! It was you! Kermit was right! You’re a phony. You’re a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can’t even sing! Your voice was dubbed!”


2. Ron Burgundy
 15. Lloyd Christmas
(Dumb & Dumber)
Quote: “Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.” Quote: “I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.”

19 thoughts on “Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 1

  1. I put all of my money on Lo Pan the last go around and got FOOPED in the BOOP.

    Since I don’t learn my lessons, I am putting my entire wad on Dr. Frankenstein and hoping that I can retire once this is over.


  2. Good to see the #12 over #5 upsets that dominate NCAA are alive and well here too. Borat was great, but Mr. Bean was Mr. fucking Bean. Some of these were really hard to choose. Love this tourney!


  3. Pingback: Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 2 | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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