Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 2

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Welcome to the opening round of the first ever Mirth Madness! Here we’re pitting some of our favorite movie clowns against each other in a Karate Kid-like tournament without a wuss like Daniel LaRusso and to the death. Now, this is our tournament, made up of the funny people that we at Hard Ticket to Home Video feel were worthy, so that’s why you may find some actors are repeated (e.g., Chevy Chase as both Clark W. Griswold AND Fletch!) or some omitted entirely (e.g., Pauly Shore’s character in In the Army Now). So get comfortable on the edge of your seat and vote, VOTE, VOTE! (voting for this round ends July 18 with winners announced that very afternoon!) And don’t forget to vote for Group 1!

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1. Black Dynamite
(Black Dynamite)
16. Louis Tully
Quote: “I guess you forgot about the time you and Bravo company left my black ass for dead, huh? But I remember. I remember everything. I remember Vietnam like it was yesterday. I remember that village in Tainan that we cut down. It was a massacre. All the dead Chinamen we left in our tracks. I remember the faces, the children. This one child I’ll never forget. Poor little bastard was still alive. His little Chinese legs were blown clean off! Still see his little shins & feet hanging from the ceiling fan across the hut. He was charred from his head down to his little Chinese knees. He tried to get up, but he fell over when what was left of his right leg broke off. As he laid there, flat on his face, he looked up at me. His little Chinese eyes burned right into my stomach, deep into my soul. He said something to me in Chinese like, ‘Boo coo sow!’, sounded like some cartoon shit. But I understood it to be a question that he was asking me. And I don’t have to know how to speak Chinese to know what that question was. ‘Why, Black Dynamite? Why?'” Quote: “I was just exercising. I taped a 20-minute workout and played it back at high speed on my machine so it only took ten minutes. I got a great workout.”


8. Edward R. Rooney
(Ferris Bueller’s Day Off)
9. Wadsworth
Quote: “Les jeux sont faits. Translation: the game is up. Your ass is mine.” Quote: “He decided to put his information to good use and make a little money out of it. What could be more American than that?”


5. H.I. McDonough
(Raising Arizona)
12. Otto
(A Fish Called Wanda)
Quote: “I tried to stand up and fly straight, but it wasn’t easy with that sumbitch Reagan in the White House. I dunno. They say he’s a decent man, so maybe his advisors are confused.” Quote: “You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.”


4. Navin R. Johnson
(The Jerk)
13. Dale Dobak
(Step Brothers)
Quote: “Lord loves a workin’ man; don’t trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.” Quote: “Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious v of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes ” Oh my god, I’ve had the old bull now I want the young calf” and she grabs me by the weiner..”


6. Pee Wee Morris
11. Pee Wee Herman
(Pee Wee’s Big Adventure)
Quote: “I’m gonna get laid. Yes, Virginia. There is a Santa Claus.” Quote: “The mind plays tricks on you. You play tricks back! It’s like you’re unraveling a big cable-knit sweater that someone keeps knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting and knitting…”


3. Buddy
14. Grandpa Gustafson
(Grumpy Old Men)
Quote: “I’m a cotton-headed ninny-muggins.” Quote: “Looks like Chuck’s taking old one-eye to the optometrist.”


7. Cousin Eddie
(National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation)
10. Pedro De Pacas
(Up In Smoke)
Quote: “Every time Catherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour or so.” Quote: “Does Howdy Doody got wooden balls man?”


2. Arthur Bach
15. Willie T. Stokes
(Bad Santa)
Quote: “I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT! I have weekends off, and I am my own boss.” Quote: “Why don’t you wish in one hand, and shit in the other. See which one fills up first.”

8 thoughts on “Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 2

  1. When I got the email notifying me of this post, I let out a barely audible, “Yes,” which probably sounded like Cobra Commander when he turns into a snake on Cobra-La. Some of these choices were tough (Black Dynamite vs anything from Ghostbusters; Rooney vs Wadsworth) and some were so easy because I hate Elf, Step-Brothers and A Fish Called Wanda. But you saved my ire and disappoint for the oh-so-bitter end… What kind of piece of shit makes me choose between Bad Santa and Arthur?


  2. Pingback: Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 7-17-2013 | Hard Ticket to Home Video

  3. Pingback: Mirth Madness 2013: Opening Round – Group 3 | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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