Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 1-6-2014

Todays Headlines

 

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

STEVEN SEAGAL IS THINKING ABOUT RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR OF ARIZONA AND HAS APPOINTED R.O.T.O.R. AS CHIEF VOTE-COLLECTOR.

DO NOT WORRY, PAUL WALKER’S FAST & FURIOUS CHARACTER WILL BE “RETIRED” WITH DIGNITY, MEANING R.O.T.O.R. WILL SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE WHILE HE IS SLEEPING.

NOW YOU CAN CLOSE YOUR EYES AND READ ABOUT WHAT THE NEW TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES LOOK LIKE. NO MENTION OF THE FIFTH MEMBER OF THE GROUP: R.O.T.U.R.T.L.E.

SHIA LABEOUF JUST CANNOT HELP BEING AN ENORMOUS DOUCHEBAG.

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]
[STEVEN SEAGAL WOULD MAKE A GOOD POLITICIAN, BECAUSE HE LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE A FAT CAT]

17 thoughts on “Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 1-6-2014

  1. Would people actually vote for Seagal? What do governors actually do over there? The only Governor I’m familiar with has an eye patch and lives in The Walking Dead.

    Like

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