Friday the 13th – Jason Rising

Full Movie: 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Hey! Yet another fan-made Friday the 13th movie! I should have my head examined for watching all these. But I’m gonna review 13 of them dammit if it brings me a death curse or not!

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Jason Rising. Mr. Mojo Rising.
• The film has the gall to start with the definition of the word Curse. Fuck off, this is a fucking Fan-made Friday the 13th flick. Get over yourselves.
• Some quick legend of Jason as if we already didn’t know.
• “Friday the 13th 1984 he returned to Crystal Lake.” These filmmakers have the right year according to the first 3 movies. Respect.
• That is one awesome mustache! That guy saw Sam Elliott’s mustache and said, ‘Hold my beer’ and grew one that rivals Yosemite Sam.
• Jarvis kid? I’m not sure when this film takes place but they mentioned Jason getting killed by Tommy Jarvis so maybe this takes place shortly thereafter.
• Jason’s in a wooden box that these cops just dug up. Not a coffin a wooden shipping crate. It probably says Frah-Gee-Lay. The other funny thing is he was buried still wearing the hockey mask.
• Wait a minute, the sheriff adds a chain to the crate, locks it with a padlock, says ‘good riddance’ and Jason breaks through the box to grab his ankle. WHY DID YOU DIG UP JASON?! JUST TO ADD A MEASLY CHAIN WITH A PADLOCK?!?! WHY WHY WHY?!?!
• However, it is kinda cool seeing Jason violently try to break out of the box. It’s not common to see Jason struggle in a situation. Gives the big lug some humanity.
• This movie has original music. That could go either way in terms of quality. It’s also shot nicely with decent cinematography. But we all know that don’t mean shit in the long run.
• This sheriff is visiting his dad’s gravesite (Did all these F13 fan flicks have a cemetery scene? If not all, most do and I can add that to the list for the drinking game) and just gabbing on about his lackluster police job at Crystal Lake.
• Hahahaha. OK a decent joke. The sheriff, Pete, is telling his dad about another deputy named Eve and how she’s starting to take her job as cop seriously and the scene cuts to Eve sitting in her squad car and as a speeding car races past her and she just looks at it and then shrugs and goes back to her Fangoria magazine. Gave me a chuckle at least.
• The US Marshalls! Where’s Rayland Givens? Shit that would be one awesome cross-over actually.
• WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE! That’s a severed fucking penis lying in that barn!

Someone order the foot-long?

• The Marshalls are asking the local police to help with apprehending three female fugitives. One, I’m assuming, cut off some poor fella’s tallywacker.
• Cute hiker in the woods. Probably our final girl but I’m most likely hoping with my dick. At least it’s not a severed one.
• I give this movie some credit for adding the escaped fugitive element to this F13 flick. Hopefully they won’t squander this element like Voorhees did with the bank heist.
• More Jason myth-telling. At least we see a new interpretation of the scenes from Part I and Part II. They also had a zombie hand coming out of Pamela Voorhees grave and a headless Pamela walking around. Very nice touches.
• I assumed earlier that the visuals of a headless Pamela Voorhees walking around was just a nice visual highlighting the horror surrounding the whole Jason mythos. More or less a surreal representation or something like that. But nope the cute hiker just got attacked by that same headless Pamela Voorhees, whom then digs up Jason’s wooden crate. Kill Count: 1

Mrs. Voorhees can never get ahead in this world.

• OK. I’m assuming the cops who added the chains to the crate was set in 1984 or sometime shortly after the events of Part IV. Now we’re in the present time since most characters are using smart phones.
• One of the escaped convicts was friends or related to the cute hiker and was probably meeting her to help escape. But the fucking Voorhees thwarted that plan.
• Jason tries to attack the convict on a canoe but she somehow knocks his mask off. A moment later Jason pops out of the water and grans her off the boat a la the finale of Part I. Kinda nice.
• Eve continues to be the comic relief as she’s seen being annoyed when radioed to meet somewhere when she’s busy taking a dump in the woods.
• FANTASTIC KILL! Escaped convict lady makes it to the lakeside beach but Jason plunges his machete into her skull and the blade protrudes out of her mouth. See? That’s how it’s done! More of these types of kills please! Kill Count: 2
• Jason’s Mom’s severed head shrine. His mom is talking to Jason giving him motivation to do what he does best.

C’mon mom, I don’t wanna go to school!

• “What did you find? Hope it wasn’t another penis.” Heellllllloooooo Frisco!!!!
• “I can trust her as far as I can piss standing up” Says one of the other two escaped female prisoners. Classy.
• Another decent kill. One of the escapees runs off and Jason plummets an ax into her head and then another ax to her neck severing her head as it rolls toward the camera. Kill Count: 3
• The gore sound effects are very well done.
• Hahahaha. The last of the escapees is resting from a leg wound and she sees someone come from behind a tree with a bag over his head. She assumes it’s the first dead escapee since she scared the other two convicts in a cabin a few scenes back also wearing the bag mask from Part II. Anyway, after she tells this obviously Jason person to knock it off, he takes off the white bag revealing himself to be Jason wearing the hockey mask. Why would he put on the white bag?! To fool that one victim or to fool us the audience? So dumb but hilarious.
• C’mon don’t cut away from the kill ever! What a waste of time! Kill Count: 4
• It’s kinda funny or interesting that the bulk of these fan-made F13 flicks were made during the Covid-19 pandemic. Eight out of the 15 or so (and counting) were made after 2020. Guess people had nothing better to do but take their iPhones into the woods and film themselves getting slaughtered by a maniac in a hockey mask. Makes somewhat sense for the times, ya know?
• I’m suspending a crap ton of disbelief that this one dude is a US Marshall. I can barely see him being capable of stocking the shelves at a Marshalls department store.
• Hahahaha. That dumb Marshall just said this place had a Death Curse! Hey that’s Crazy Ralph’s job!

• That African-American US Marshall’s name is Bear. This does not count towards me getting too see Jason fight a bear.
• Yeah, go check out that other set of footprints by yourself Bear. He’s got to be one hell of a tracker to follow footprints at night.
• Dumb Marshall has to take a piss. Instant death!
• Hold the phones, Bear spotted the headless Pam walking around and started firing his machine gun at her.
• MORE Voorhees lore? There’s more talking about Jason and his mom than seeing them kill people.
• Sheriff Pete’s dad was the mustache-that-grew-a-man sheriff from the beginning flashback. But of course he is. You can’t have a F13 fan made flick without someone being related to someone a generation ago that had a run-in with Jason or Pamela Voorhees.
• The movie is kinda boring me now. Nothing of note has happened for over 12 minutes.
• I’m still not sure how I feel about a silly sweater-wearing headless Pamela running around. It’s veering into silly Sam Raimi territory but not as fun. I think I’d prefer it if she was a ghost flying around.
• Jason throws down his machete to challenge Bear to a bout of fist-a-cuffs. We all know where this is going.
• This Jason might be the best looking one so far. The mask is very similar to the original one from Part III and the back of his bald head also looks akin to the mid-80s era before he became zombified. He’s large and bulky but not too large like Kane Hodder. I like it.
• So Jason cheated and grabbed his machete and sliced Bear’s back. He then rips out bear’s spine with the skull still attached like the muthafuckin’ Predator! It’s impossible but looks great. Kill Count: 5

He didn’t think Jason could fix his back. But now he stands corrected.

• That’s another cross-over that would be awesome. Jason vs. Alien vs. Predator. Hell, throw Ash in there as well.
• I can’t believe dumb Marshall outlasted Bear.
• Not for long. Kill Count: 6
• Just Pete and Eve are left? This movie deserves a higher kill count.
• Pete supposedly was killed off screen by the sounds of it.
• Hold on, he’s not dead yet but runs to warn Eve to run away. Still not sure if he’s dead.
• So Eve is (possibly) the final girl? Wouldn’t have guessed that from how they framed the character as the comic relief.
• OK. If this movie does an awesome unmasking and sticks the landing of a great death of Jason, then this will get a high score from me.
• Yeah, this original music ain’t half bad. It works. It’s no Manfredini but it’s riveting for these chase scenes.
• OK, who’s this cameo now as we cut to some blonde lady at home listening to the police scanner as Eve is calling for help? It’s probably Ginny Field.
• Jason with a chainsaw?! It just doesn’t look right.
• Pete’s still alive but gets his hand massacred by the chainsaw. I’d be worried about his trigger finger but he couldn’t shot to save his life anyway.
• Now Eve has the chainsaw and sticks it in Jason’s tummy. With 11 minutes left, I’m just waiting for the final jump scare.
• The headless Pamela body is picking up her own severed head. It cuts away before anything happens but it wouldn’t surprise me if she fixes it back on her body.
• Hey it’s the same July 1980 Playboy that was in Never Hike Alone. (The writer/director of Never Hike Alone also co-wrote Jason Rising)
• Oh good more deputies to slaughter.
• YES! Pamela put her head back on and killed one of the new deputies with the chainsaw. Kill Count: 7

• Another new deputy gets his hand severed. I’m sure the zombie Pamela was going for his dick though.
• Some old lady, I’m assuming the same blonde from before, storms in and decapitates Pamela. Holy Shit! It’s Alice from Part I (she clearly died in Part II though!) She also says “The Boy” when she sees Jason in the doorway in the same way as she did back in 1980. Nice. However, how would she know that this adult Jason in the hockey mask is “The Boy”?
• Great Jason lunge towards the camera! It had to be an homage to his lunge at the end of Part III.
• Oh C’mon, I know it’s a big deal to get Adrienne King back for your low-budget F13 fan flick but making her the hero who kills Pamela AND stabs Jason with a machete is a bit much. She’s no Jamie Lee Curtis. This should be Ginny Field since Alice is long dead!
• Alice then stabs Jason in the brain with a knife and tells him that he should’ve stayed at the bottom of the lake.
• Pete and Eve let Alice take Pamela’s severed head with her. I suppose she earned it.
• Sheriff Pete then puts Jason back in his original crate and sinks it back in the lake. WHY?!?! He even puts the jockey mask on top.

I had some free time to help. Thankfully, there were no horror movie conventions this weekend.

• Ginny! On the phone talking to Alice. Apparently it is Amy Steel’s voice and she’s Alice’s doctor. If only Alice wasn’t canonically fucking dead, I would’ve loved this. Still kinda weird having your doctor go through the exact same trauma as you did though.
• So Alice is just going to keep Pamela’s severed head in a crate inside her house like that? That’s even more bizarre than what Jason did with the head all these years.
• So yeah, decent chapter but a little let down by the ending. No unmasking and lame death of Jason.
• Just as I wrote that there’s a mid-credits scene of Jason walking back to the beach and puts on the mask and you see the bottom half of his face as he puts it back on.
• Why do most of these fan-made F13 flicks have death metal playing over the end credits?
• That’s a shit ton of crowdfunding backers. Adrienne King ain’t cheap I suppose.

Kill Count: 7

T&A Count: 0.0 (1 Severed Penis)

Best Kill: Machete in the head and through the mouth

Final Thoughts: This one was a lot of fun to watch and one of the better made ones. Great kills. Great gore. A great looking Jason and it was a great idea to eschew all the movies after The Final Chapter. So this was co-written by Vincente DiSanti who wrote and directed the very excellent Never Hike Alone fan made movies, so the dude knows how to make a decent fan fiction F13 story.  It had some dumb stuff in there like digging up Jason just to add more restraints on his coffin and especially bringing back Adrienne King as Alice since she clearly died in the beginning of Part II. They didn’t try to explain how she’s alive just ignored the fact. And making her the Jamie Lee Curtis who finally puts Jason down is a very big stretch but if you can look past that caveat then the rest of the flick is very entertaining. 

Score: 7 Severed Penises (out of 10)

Crazy Ralph’s Opinion: