Friday the 13th Part X: To Hell and Back

Full Movie: 

 

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Camp Crystal Lake is terrorized by Hockey-masked killer Jason Voorhees. Again.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Music is from Jason Goes to Hell I believe.
• Man, this VHS transfer is utter garbage. Still better than Jason Takes Manhattan though.
• Now it’s music from Part 3 (the disco one!)
• “I Shot the Sheriff?” Oh, because the sheriff is walking around town. I think he’s drunk by the way.
• Needless friend scares other friend jump scare.
• Please tell me that Clapton’s “I Shot the Sheriff” plays every time the sheriff is shown in a scene.
• Hahahaha, now Clapton’s “Lay Down Sally” is playing.
• I’m just waiting for “Cocaine” to start playing in an inopportune time.
• Also the Sheriff looks 16 years old and that fake mustache ain’t helping.
• Jesus, the waiter is 12!
• All these two cops are doing is complaining that their jobs are too easy these days. Foreshadowing much?
• The one cop says that Jason’s been dead so long that he forgot he existed. Yeah, 5 dozen dead people killed by a maniac Hockey-masked, hulking zombie is very easy to forget.

• These kids hanging around the lake are complaining about the town being over developed. As kids often do.
• Some guy is walking with two young boys in the woods talking about bringing Jason back from the dead. Let’s bet that this movie doesn’t explain why.
• Every chick gets off on going to old murder sites. That’s where I always bring my dates.
• If Camp Crystal Lake is abandoned and forbidden then why keep it up? Just raze the whole damn thing.
• I’m over 15 minutes in and I gotta give credit that this film isn’t the worst piece of garbage I ever seen, especially made by amateurs with a video camera back in 1995. The editing is fine, and the acting is mostly passable even from the younger kids. They could’ve used boom mics or ADR to help with hearing the dialogue but other than that I don’t want to stick my head in an oven anytime soon.
• This being black and white is giving off serious Blair Witch Project vibes. *I think the 2010 redux is in color and has a better transfer—I may watch that after this—if I’m feeling masochistic enough.
• I’ve seen worse occult resurrection rituals on screen. But not many.
• Hahaha, he’s incanting the exact prayers from Mola Ram from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
• This guy who wants to resurrect Jason sure is getting spooked easily when Pamela Voorhee’s occult book that he was reading the spells from burst into flames. What else was he expecting?

• Jason must be a little rusty because instead of pummeling this teenager with his bare hands he simply just drowns him on the edge of the lake. But then he ups his game with the next teen by smashing his head in with a rock.
• Kill count: 3
• Young Bob at the cabin says deputy Brown is cool because he told Bob about when some mass murder guy killed his father. Deputy Brown is so fucking cool.
• This flick is supposed to be a direct sequel to Jason Goes to Hell which had Jason being ambushed by the FBI and literally blown to smithereens. Yet, these kids are telling legends about Jason being gone and missing for all these years. Having a zombie mass murderer ambushed by a government agency and literally bazooka’d to death is all I would be talking about imm it happened in my town.
• Alice Cooper’s greatest hits!? Any excuse to play “He’s Back (the Man Behind the Mask)” in this flick. Even back in 1995 fan service was annoying and predictable.
• And I thought Eric Clapton had the soundtrack rights to this movie.
• I’m not saying the dialogue has to be David Mamet or Aaron Sorkin but can they ever give us decent worthwhile chats with these useless teenagers in the Friday series?

• Jason goes into the tool shed and he passes over the chainsaw for the machete. Because that’s Leatherface’s weapon of choice and Jason respects that.
• There’s a town curfew? Why? When?
• Hahahaha. The “police car” is a simple sedan like a Buick with a flashing light on the roof. Probably borrowed from one of the kids’ moms.
• It’s hard to tell with the bad transfer and it being B&W but it looks like Jason has long hair. Maybe he’s trying a new look? Like when Superman died in the 90s and came back with that mullet.
• They could’ve tried harder with the gore FX. Tom Savini has better FX if he was in coma.
• Kill Count: 4
• Army dudes! If I was a betting man, they will die first in this cabin.
• Now the soundtrack is some generic surf-rock instrumental. Like Dick Dale.
• Make sure the pizza is well-done? I prefer my pizzas medium rare to be honest.
• Cunningham Road!
• I need a kill pronto. Anyone will do as long as these kids shut the fuck up.
• This being black and white, I’m not sure if that’s the sun or the moon. Maybe I should just watch the redux version.
• It’s at this point in the film that I wish Crazy Ralph would appear and warn me that this movie has a death curse!

• So apparently Bob’s brother (or cousin) and his friend are in the military and are visiting Bob and his friends at the Crystal Lake cabin. The brother is bugging Bob about the ice cream. I don’t know where Bob’s brother was stationed but they didn’t have good ice cream I guess.
• Went to get the ice cream in another cabin. That’s immediate death!
• Kill Count: 5
• Going for a solitary swim in the pool. That’s immediate death!
• Jason was shown flipping a switch while his newest victim was in the pool but I don’t know what the switch did. Nevertheless, the girl knew something happened and a moment later Jason pops out of the water (how he got in the pool after flipping the switch is his most supernatural feat yet!) and drowns her within 14 seconds.
• The chick can’t hold her breath for more than 14 seconds?!

• Maybe she died of shame.
• Kill Count: 6
• Boob Count: 0
• Are those well done pepperoni pizzas? You know she likes her pizzas well done.
• I’m am loving this bit of imdb trivia for this movie:

• Looking for money in your car all by yourself. Immediate death!
• Kill Count: 7
• Hey, slow down movie, space out these kills a little more would ya! We still have 50 minutes to go and Jason already killed 7 people in the span of 10 minutes.
• Oh no not Bob!
• Kill Count: 8
• Bob Count: 1
• One of the other girls, whose name I didn’t have time to even learn is killed by power drill.
• Kill Count: 9
• Coming after the horrendous and highly-disappointed Jason Goes to Hell, I can see the appeal of going back to basics approach to a Jason flick but this is way too basic for me.
• We’re half-way through, there’s been almost 10 lame kills in less than 15 minutes and I’m bored out of my mind now. I don’t even know how many victims are left, 5 maybe? Plus the cops.
• You go fan-made movie. You build that tension up!
• Scissor to the guts to the other lead fella. I thought he and Bob would last a little more but now it’s just the army dudes and 2 girls I believe.
• Kill Count: 10
• Is this music from NYPD Blue or Law and Order? It definitely has that mid-90s police show vibe to it.
• OK, what is happening? Random shots of things in the house with flickering lights. Building tension AND atmosphere! Kudos movie. Kudos for trying.
• The sheriff WON his Phillies cap at the recent Phillies game? That’s awesome! Things are really looking up for him now.
• This is my first Fan-Made F13 flick for this Schlocktoberfest and I’ll have 9 more. However, I’m already regretting this plan and think it’s a complete waste of mine and the universe’s time.
• I’d say less chatting and more killing but truth be told, the killings are more boring than the dialogue.
• “Joe? Bob?” Briggs!
• Deputy investigating the cabin grounds. You know that’s going to lead to immediate death!
• Hold the phones, he just discovered a dead body and survived to question who could do such a thing to one of the girls. Hmmm. Yeah, who could do such a thing? Curious.
• While looking in some bushes (why?!) Jason attacks the deputy. In the melee though the deputy hilariously does a few coughs like he has a cold. He coughed once back in the barn and I thought that was because of the possible bad death odor or the dust in the barn but nope, the actor probably had the sniffles that day.

• Yikes. Final Girl is trying to confront Jason with a machete. She manages to awkwardly knock a knife out of Jason’s hand but then even more awkwardly Jason grabs the machete’s blade and takes it from her. So lame.
• Don’t tell me Jason is going to slowly chase final girl for the remainder of the 20 minutes left.
• This Jason is no Kane Hodder.
• A black and white F13 flick could work the more I’m imagining one. Just not this one.
• You’ve been working hard final girl. Time for a break.
• The deputy is still alive. I totally forgot about him. I’m lying, I didn’t give a toot.
• Final girl confronted Jason before but is now just watching from the bushes as the poor deputy get his ass handed to him.
• The deputy is punching Jason in the face. Has that ever happened before? I remember one victim was a boxer in Takes Manhattan and fought Jason before he hilariously uppercutted the dude’s head clean off his body.
• Oh this is the Deputy that Jason killed his father years earlier that Bob was talking about. So now it’s personal!
• Why does the deputy even have a grenade? Anyway the film used some stock explosion footage to imply his grenade is the same as C4 and blew both Jason and the deputy to smithereens.
• Kill Count: 11, possibly 12
• Yo, final Girl. It’s great you survived the night but maybe you’d like to call for help now? Not wander aimlessly around the cabin grounds and meander down the road.
• Here comes the sheriff (who I just remembered was supposed to pick up the deputy after 30 minutes the evening before). Surprised “Hello Old Friend” isn’t playing?
• “Hey Stu, I don’t really like this!” Yells the sheriff when he’s walking around the cabin. Same here sheriff. I don’t like this either.
• Lucky that grenade explosion didn’t cause a forest fire. What are the odds?
• Can something of note happen please. I’ve been watching the sheriff meander the forest for over 5 minutes and now he’s having a violent episode in reaction to seeing Jason’s mask.
• I thought he was sick and disgusted by the sight. Just turns out the film is somewhat keeping with the Jason possesses people schtick from Jason Goes to Hell. I think. 

• I was under the impression that these fans made this movie to rectify the terrible premise of Jason possessing people from Jason Goes to Hell and wanted to get back to the basics, but instead they somewhat embraced it again.
• The kid Jason drowned like an hour ago is actually still alive after been lying on the forest ground all night. Now the Sheriff is chasing him and attacking him with an ax.
• Kill Count: 13 (although it’s a kid who I counted as dead earlier so it shouldn’t count)
• So that’s it. Sheriff is possessed by the spirit of Jason and wearing the hockey mask, kills a kid with an ax and runs off. Roll credits!
• “Symphony For the Devil” does not work for a Jason movie. They should’ve used Clapton’s “It’s in the Way That You Use It”

Redux Notes:

• Instead of the F13 logo from the first few movies that zooms in and crashes into the glass causing an explosion, they are using the later years’ Friday the 13th font. Tomato Tomahto.
• This version starts with the final girl wandering around after she’s the last one alive. Then the titles say One Day Earlier, Friday the 13th.
• They shot new footage in Blairstown, NJ where the original was filmed. (Almost all these fan-made flicks have some scene filmed at the same locations in Blairstown)
• Still using “I Shot the Sheriff” but now it’s a hip-hop cover of it instead. This is probably the only positive change from the 1995 version.
• Glad they trimmed the excess fat off some of the more duller scenes like the kids going into a convenience store to buy one can of soda. We still see them buy the soda but now it’s 2 minutes shorter.
• I guess I zoned out when the sheriff and deputy were talking at lunch in the original black and white movie because it’s absolutely dumb.

• One of the kids who are with the guy who wants to resurrect Jason asks, “Why would we want to bring Jason back?” And no one answers him.
• This version is 20 minutes shorter yet feels 45 minutes longer!
• It just dawned on me that while that one teen was arrested for being out past curfew the other main kids at the cabin haven’t even met up with Bob’s army brother and ordered their pizzas. How early is this curfew? 8 PM?
• I was right before thinking Jason has long hair. Why? He shouldn’t have ANY hair!
• Did I miss the gag where the one kid mentions that Halloween 37 comes out soon?
• Why is Deputy Brown checking in on these kids at the cabin? At this point in the film no one knows Jason is back from the dead and killing people so it’s not like there’s a crisis in town or anything? And again, why is there a town curfew? 
• This is a new scene with Deputy Brown arresting this town drunk. I’m assuming this was for comic relief but this is neither comical nor relief.
• Jesus fuck that was beyond pointless.
• There’s a strict curfew yet the pizza delivery guys are free to roam all over!
• They cut out the “Well Done” pizza line!
• Why IS the ice cream in the freezer IN the barn?!
• Even in this colored version I still can’t figure out what the switch does by the pool!
• I think they added in a close-up shot of the scissors Jason used to kill that one kid. Weird thing is, Jason placed the bloody shears in the bathroom sink instead of leaving it in his dead body.
• Somehow this dialogue about the sheriff winning the baseball cap is worse the second time around. Makes the awful dialogue in the 2018 Halloween about Bahn Mi sandwiches sound like Tarantino writing.

• If it wasn’t for the “borrowed” Harry Manfredini score this movie would be excruciatingly painful.
• Hahaha. The grenade explosion wasn’t Oppenheimer level in this version.
• Hahahahaha. The new end credit song is a cover of Alice Cooper’s “He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)” by what sounds like Cannibal Corpse or Gwar.

Kill Count: 13

T&A Count: 0 (Girl swam in the pool wearing bikini)

Best Kill: Girl getting powerdrilled.

Final Thoughts: Like I mentioned, I took the opportunity for our glorious and totally unnecessary long tenured 13th season of Schlocktoberfest to not do the remaining Paramount/New Line Cinema’s Friday the 13th series but to go above and beyond self-flagellation to find as many fan-made F13 flicks I could on the webosphere and watch and review them. I’d say wish me luck but I totally don’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m sure there’s going to be as ton of comparisons, rip-offs, fan-service, horrible cinematography, even worse dialogue and acting and a shit-ton of bad FX and make-up for these flicks. (Spoilers: I’m mostly right—there’s a few that pleasantly surprised me!) I should’ve made a drinking game with all the similarities and clichés but then again I really don’t need to deal with cirrophis of the liver in my life right now. To Hell and Back was a noble effort to be honest. I give these kids credit for making a (half)way (decent) attempt to making a sequel to the universally panned Jason Goes to Hell. Making a feature length movie on a shoestring budget that could potentially get you legal woes in 1995 wasn’t an easy or smart idea but they gave it their all. Not sure which version I would recommend to you fine folks (maybe the shorter colorized version just because it’s well shorter and in color) but go in knowing it’s very amateurish (I should know better and avoid this word this month) and made mostly by kids with limited resources at their disposal (good word, disposal).

Score: 3 Well Done Pepperoni Pizzas (out of 10)

Crazy Ralph’s Opinion: