Schlocktoberfest VIII – Reel Quick – Halloween

Halloween (2018)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: A reboot reimagining sequel of the highly influential slasher franchise that we all know and love.

Here are some of our observations as we watched the film:

Jim: Hoo-boy, this is gonna be interesting since I was the only one who liked it. Strap in kids.

Brad: I wanted to like it. I really did.

Jim: I loved the opening credits with the reverse rotting pumpkin from the original, same font, all the cast members were listed with their “as”, and the music was amazing.

Brian: Did they explain why Michael was back at the asylum? After the events of the first movie they just caught him and brought him back?

Brad: Where else are they going to bring him? They should have sent him to DETROIT! And why are they transferring him after 40 years?

Brian: I mean the police just caught him? How? And how lame is that? They have the classic ending where he disappears from the yard, and then a patrolman just picks him up a few minutes later?

Brad: He gave himself up. He was exhausted. 

This movie was basically a soft reboot. 

Serial Killer jumps Queen!

Jim: I read that Blum wanted to show the ending to the original from a different angle with a stand in Laurie with a CG face and apparently Michael getting arrested. Naturally that would have cost a ton, but if there was a Kickstarter or a GoFundMe to chip into I’d be down.

Brian: Halloween was over, maybe he just went back himself. But seriously though Michael Myers getting arrested is the dumbest notion since Michael Myers being stopped by a witchcraft circle.

Brad: They really didn’t give us anything new to see. Maybe Laurie’s safe house but that was lame. And completely underutilized. 

Brian: That should have been the whole second half of the movie and much more elaborate. Like they come up with a plan to trap him and execute it. 

Brad: Laurie’s always hoping and praying he escapes and when he does she really doesn’t have a plan.

Brian: The dumbest part was when Allyson was scared by the mannequins. 

And besides not having a well-thought-out plan, she buys a front door with decorative glass windows that are easily breakable if the security door fails and you’re standing right next to it like a moron while Michael is right outside of it.

Jim: Looks like one of the writers was a fan of Tourist Trap.

Brad: Oh yeah. The mannequins in the woods scene. I think that was for the 15-year-old girls in the audience. I actually said to Brian that this was like Tourist Trap when we were watching it.

Brian: Personally I found it sexy.

Brad: And why did the new Loomis tell the sheriff that he killed Myers when he wasn’t dead? 

Was that so the sheriff wouldn’t kill him more?

Brian: Well he had nefarious plans. Of some sort. 

Jim: I like how they didn’t bullshit and just called the guy “The New Loomis.” This new doctor was the one thing I did hate about this movie – he could have been over with after the Smith’s Grove scene in the beginning and forgotten about.

Brad: That was a terrible subplot as well. What was his plans and how was he going to execute his plan. Was stealing Myers part of his plan? And why didn’t he handcuff Myers when he put him in the squad car? So many questions. 

Brian: And why didn’t Michael kill Allyson and then him?

Brad: Because they need sequels and Jamie Lee is getting way too old for this.

Jim: It was a $77.5 million weekend opening – there’s gonna be a sequel.

Brian: Well yeah but in the movie it didn’t make sense that she was right next to him and he let her go.

Brad: And how did Michael know where Laurie’s bunker house was?

Jim: The Haddonfield Force.

Brian: I think the car stopped right in front of it. But then Allyson should have found it first. 

Brad: Alyson ran for what seemed like miles. Did she even know that she was running towards her grand mother’s house? In the woods. In the dark. 

The movie made it seem that she was estranged from her grandmother which would imply that she didn’t visit her house often. 

Jim: Isn’t that a Christmas carol?

Excuse me miss, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior who also happens to be a Carpenter?

Brian: I guess she’d never been there before. 

And I didn’t fully get why they took Laurie’s daughter away. Just because she was teaching her about shooting and survival? All of Nebraska would have their children taken away then. 

Brad: Right. Other than a house full of guns, booby traps and mannequins it didn’t seem all that dangerous. 

And how awkward was that dinner scene where Laurie breaks down and sobs. That scene made me uncomfortable.

Brian: Maybe it was all the incendiary devices. 

Jim: Well, it did look like she got hammered in her car while watching Michael’s transfer.

Brad: And this is a weird nitpick but how could a school give out an academic award in the end of October? Just 2 months into school and she gets an award? 

Brian: Yeah good point. Weird detail to put in when it had nothing to do with anything. But still not as pointless as her boyfriend. 

Jim: That is a weird nitpick. My weird nitpick is more of a question: are all guys in high school nowadays absolute fucking pussies?  I discussed this with Brad before, and my only assumption is that high school girls must be absolutely starving. The guys all dress like twats and just because they have weed is the only reason a vagina comes into their orbit. I was rooting for Michael to kill all of them and he pretty much did. Thanks Mike.

Brad: And why would the police agree with Laurie to go to her house, especially when they can’t find Alyson? 

Brian: Because it’s safe! Much safer than… the police station…

Jim: The police station at the end of Halloween 5 was where everyone got killed by The Man In Black, I know it’s not canon anymore but it wasn’t safe. Just sayin’.

Brad: And how big is Haddonfield anyway? After they lost Michael after Laurie shot him in the shoulder the sheriff and the New Loomis drive around for like 10 minutes trying to find him. Myers only walks so why are they driving anyway?

Man, why is this franchise so difficult to make a decent story for? This flick was so frustrating. 

Wait, you can’t kill me, I’m the comic relief!

Jim: They couldn’t find him in Halloween 2 either, he walked around town, killed that chick who lived next door to the old woman, and then casually strolled all the way to the hospital.

Brian: Plus there would be a trail of blood. And people looking out their windows because a crazy old woman was screaming about something. 

Brad: And seriously why was he waiting out in that kid’s closet?! Was he taking a nap? Pissing? Jerking off?

Brian: Isn’t it a job in Hollywood where people read scripts and mark up the stuff that doesn’t make sense? We’d be excellent at that job. 

Yeah that was total nonsense.

Jim: All that would be left is the fucking title page at this rate.

Brad: That job is totally forbidden!

Brian: Also I know it was a callback but how did Laurie know exactly what classroom her estranged granddaughter would be in? And that she’d be sitting by the window?

Brad: You can say that about the original too, why Myers is staring at Laurie? Which now makes even less sense since he’s not related to her. Maybe he just wanted to bang her.

I think this new movie sucks more than we originally thought.

Heck, even I’m doubting the original is any good. If you take away the awesome soundtrack, that movie loses a ton of appeal.

Brian: I could say the same about you. 

Jim: You’re kidding right?

Brad: Halloween III is the best Halloween!

Brad: Another question I had was why did the other crazy inmates react so nuts when the journalists tried to show Michael his Shatner mask? And when Michael didn’t turn around why didn’t the journalist walk around the square to try to elicit a reaction from Myers?

Brian: Yeah I was wondering that too why he didn’t just walk around. Ponderous. 

Jim: I bet Michael would have turned around to keep the guy behind him. An alpha-predator type thing.

Brad: an Alpha-predator that doesn’t keep an eye on its victim? That’s a move my kid makes when she thinks I can’t see her and she’s in trouble.

And how and why did the journalists have the mask and not the doctor who has been thoroughly studying Myers for 40 years?

Brian: Yeah why did they just give the mask to a couple of random podcasters?

Brad: Right? It’s not like they were from 60 minutes or anything. They were nobodies. 

Jim: He did say he had a friend at the District Attorney’s office, and besides, Ed Bradley doesn’t have that kind of muscle anymore.

Brian: Something else I thought of, Laurie had a big gate but no perimeter fence. 

Brad: Unless her perimeter was 5 miles wide. 

Jim: Michael’s gotta get into the compound somehow.

Brian: But Allyson should’ve still had to climb over a fence. I mean that’s the first thing you would put up at your fortified compound right?

Brad: Oh right I forgot about Alyson running from the road to the house part. Yeah that’s a detail they fucked up.  

So for 40 years Laurie has been on edge, traumatized by almost being killed by Michael Myers. But for 40 years he’s been locked up yet she wishes he would get out or escape so she can kill him. Why would she assume he would come back to kill her? I’m not buying the whole “they have a connection” bullshit because that would only make sense if the original sequels were canon, which they are not with this movie. We already said that it’s odd that she stayed in Haddonfield all this time despite the ordeal as well as knowing that he also was in the local sanitarium. Is that the reason for her thinking he’s coming to get her? Or is her staying in Haddonfield a reason for her to kill him? This is quite the stretch. And if she wanted him dead so badly, why didn’t she try to kill him at the sanitarium? I realize that could be very difficult but if someone’s that hell-bent on wanting to kill someone, you’d think they wouldn’t wait 40+ years to do it.

Jim: The key word here is trauma. I agree with what I’ve seen in interviews with JLC that this movie is about trauma survivors. If you really want to go off an a weird tangent, it can also be described as Laurie having an Inigo Montoya-esuqe overdeveloped sense of vengeance. I do think that Laurie and Michael are connected but not with the now non-canonical sibling thing – they are each other’s boogeyman. He is the ultimate form of her fear and she is the one that got away, and to dive even deeper; I think Michael is just as scared of her as she is of him. The time thing for me isn’t a factor. Shit, I’d like to violently murder people I’ve met 2 days ago let alone 40 years. But like a famous traitor once said, “Of course, that’s just my opinion – I could be wrong.”

Brian:  And what happens if he was simply just transferred to the other place?

Brad: Right, would she be OK or would that drive her more crazy and paranoid that he’s not close by?

I also would’ve loved to know how the bus crashed. Did I miss that when I took a leak?

Brian: Nope. I assumed the crazy doctor helped but they didn’t say. 

Jim: Sorry guys, I enjoyed this movie. Just thought I’d dilute the hate a little.

Jackass O’Lantern

Brad: Perhaps. I can see that since he was crazy himself. But luckily for him Michael survived the crash!

Brian: And himself. 

The one part that was surprising was when Michael killed that kid in the car. The kid who was going hunting with his dad at night. 

Jim: Michael killing that kid was a shock, but it definitely was a callback to when he killed Annie in her car. It was almost the same shot. Foggy windows and all. I also have the feeling that the kid would have sang, “Please My Paul” had he been given the chance.

Brad: The dad that looked like he was 87 years old?

Brian: Yeah that too. 

Jim: See what happens when you just wanna dance?

Brad: I’m still baffled as to why the kid had a babysitter on a weekday night and was going to bed at what looked like 8:00 when everyone else is still trick or treating. And why on earth was he clipping his toenails?

Brian: Why did Michael walk into that house, bypass the two teens, and hide in the closet?

Brad: He didn’t want to interrupt their dry-humping.

Brian: He is kind of old, maybe he just needed to take a break.

Jim: I figured that was a callback to Linda and her boyfriend from the original. The shot of the two of them on the couch was almost the same.

Brad: And what school has a dance/party on a weeknight?

Brian: None.

Brad: I’d mention more about the black sheriff with the cowboy hat but the movie had him do absolutely nothing. He’s not even listed on the cast list on the film’s wikipedia page.

Brian: Maybe we imagined him.

Jim: He was in East Bound and Down—he must be a friend of theirs. When I saw him in the trailer I was worried we were gonna have another Creighton Duke from Jason Goes To Hell.

Brad: And was it just me or did I find Allyson’s dad a complete and utter fucking asshole? I love the scene of him playing with a yo-yo while he doesn’t know where his daughter is.

Brian: I KNOW!! And even if she was there, there’s a killer on the loose likely coming to their location.

Jim: I thought he was way too old to be married to Judy Greer. Who I thought was great.

Brad: I just realized that Allyson’s douche-bag boyfriend was son of Lonnie Elam who was in the the first original movie. What this means is absolutely nothing.

Brian: Who? Jack’s grandson?

Brad: There was a very minor character in the original that meant nothing in the original. All I remember is Loomis yelling at him to get away from the Myers’ house.

Jim: I think the gag was that Laurie once described him as probably never getting past the 6th grade, so he ended up as a druggie, and the town’s loser. He was also the kid who tripped Tommy and ran right into Michael.

Brad: Hahaha. I juts looked up who played the New Loomis and it’s some Turkish actor who played a guerrilla leader in IshtarI thought he was that Eastern European actor who played Boris the Blade from Snatch.

Jim: Holy shit, another Ishtar reference. Well done.

Brian: He kind of looks like a Turkish Ron Jeremy. 

Jim: I guess that Russian guy from Batman Begins and The Saint was busy. He’s always pulled off the bench for any eastern European role.

Is It Actually Palatable: Brad: I was really hoping that this would’ve been a home run for me but it was another somewhat useless sequel for this very tired old franchise. Sure it was great to see Jamie Lee back and having a better character arc, even if that arc is Sarah Connor, but all in all this is just an OK horror flick and a mediocre Halloween installment. But hey, at least there were no rappers in it.

Jim: I thought that this was without a doubt, the best Myers-centric sequel to the franchise, and this is coming from someone who liked H20 well enough, really liked Halloween 4, and loved Halloween 2. Do you really need to be reminded of the abortion that was Halloween: Resurrection?

Brian: I wasn’t bored or anything, just mostly puzzled by a lot of the choices made. I’m not saying it has to be the world’s most amazing script but the dots have to connect. Like if Laurie was an astronaut who goes to the moon and Michael ends up there too you’d kind of like to know how he got there.

Scariest Entree: Brad: The only thing scary in this is the teen boys and their attempt to get women.

Jim: At my age, I didn’t even flinch at the jump scares.

Brian: It’s 2018, you know people are going to jump out at places when you least expect it, so you expect it every time.

Is It Raw and Bloody: Jim: The New Loomis’ brains getting stomped out was a nice surprise.

Brad: Yes! I almost forgot about that scene.

Brian: That was great. I also liked the cop’s head being used as a jack-o-lantern. 

Only this will defeat the Kraken!

Any Mouth-Watering Nudity: Jim: There’s hardly ever been any since PJ Soles.

Brad: Sad.

Brian: Just those sexy mannequins.

Most Delectable Line: Jim: Karen’s, “Gotcha”, and Laurie’s, “That’s the idea” and “Do as I say.”

Brad: Did Allyson’s dad say: “I got peanut butter on my penis.” Or did I hear him wrong?

Brian: I can definitely tell you the lamest line ever, when Laurie says, “He’s waited for this night… he’s waited for me… I’ve waited for him…” UGH.

Most Delicious Scene: Jim: The mini-version of Halloween 2 complete with lady in a robe making a ham sandwich.

Brad: Totally agree. This review didn’t get into what we liked much and we probably should have touched on some highlights but after one disappointed watch I can’t recall too much past this awesome unbroken tracking shot through the homes while Michael goes slaughtering. It was their Goodfellas through the Copacabana moment.

Brian: The scene with the little kid was great, even though Michael hiding in the closet was dumb. The climax was pretty good, but there should have been more of it. At least that’s what my wife always says.

She’s still looking fine at 59.

Most Flavorless Scene: Jim: Any involving the New Loomis, or a male high-school student.

Brad: See, I kinda like how they tried to make the New Loomis more interesting by making him obsessed with trying to see what makes Michael tick (besides killing people) but they failed him by the end. I still don’t know why he put on the mask after he killed Hawkins because that’s not acting obsessed as acting demented. The filmmakers tried to make him a little different from Pleasence but ended up mashing together the Man in Black and Loomis.

Brian: Making the boyfriend seem like an important character and then just dumping him literally and figuratively so every scene with him in it beforehand was a complete waste of time.

Overall: Jim: I am the biggest advocate of having different opinions you’ll ever find. I don’t want things to be Lilliputian, and I enjoy debating things that are not agreed on. I knew very well going into this that I was the underdog and I didn’t mind. I trust that the jokes I made are not taken personally or construed as coming from a place of personal ire – this is supposed to be funny and funny is always a by-product of opposite energies. I liked the movie, the boys didn’t. So what. That’s life, and that’s funny. That being said – y’all motherfuckers are crazy.

Brad: I said earlier that the original would lose a lot of appeal if you took out the soundtrack. And I was totally kidding of course but I think it’s highly iconic mostly because it’s the first slasher of its kind. Growing up I wasn’t the biggest Halloween fan as much as the Fridays or Elm Streets. Not sure why but I watched the Halloween’s the least. Maybe it was because Michael was too human compared to Jason or Freddy. Which in contrast should make him way more scarier because he is in fact human and has an insatiable killing hunger. But sequel after sequel trying to make him supernatural (Thorn and Samhain) just didn’t work and we got a re-tread of him walking slowly in the same neighborhood with a butcher knife. My point is, if you’re going to strip away the supernatural element as well as the fact that Laurie and Michael are related (the sequels hinged on the Strode/Myers relationship too and gave him more purpose) you better give us something a little more fresh than a Sarah Connor Laurie with a bunker. I would be so bold to say that this Halloween (and come on, everyone should be super annoyed that this is just called Halloween and not something like Halloween: Homecoming or Halloween: The Night He Returned?) is The Force Awakens of the series—a somewhat sequel, yet a soft reboot that is done with a lot of heart in the right places but the story just left some (me included) kinda cold. If you read this site enough or know me well, you know story drives me when it comes to filmmaking. You have to give me a really well-written story and thought-out characters for me to really dig your movie, especially one as old with numerous sequels such as this. You can have all the great shots and gore you want but at the end of the day, I want something new, fresh and maybe some questions answered or new ones revealed. After all these sequels, we still don’t have much to go on why Michael Myers is the way he is other than he’s evil. As much as I hated the Rob Zombie remake, he at least tried to flesh his character arc out more. 

Brian: It wasn’t terrible, just disappointing. I just wanted it to be more fun than it was. Like a remedial child’s math test, were too many things that didn’t add up. It’s just kind of there, nothing you haven’t seen before. I much prefer the original Halloween II. It was definitely better than the Rob Zombie ones. I did appreciate the full-on female protagonists though, although most horror movies have final girls, so it’s not really that groundbreaking. Anyway, compared to most horror pictures in the 21st century, it was a slight cut above. At least it’s not another horror movie about a game that kills you or something.

Score: Brad: 5 Bánh Mì Sandwiches (out of 10)

Jim: 8.5 Reasons To Never Watch Halloween: Resurrection Ever Again (out of 10)

Brian: 6.5 Toenails Clipped (out of 10)

One thought on “Schlocktoberfest VIII – Reel Quick – Halloween

  1. I saw this two nights ago and I had fun with it because the friend I went with was super scared the whole time and jumped at everything spilling popcorn all over us!

    The one thing I liked the most was how they role reversed Laurie and Michael in a few subtle ways throughout:

    1. Laurie was the one looking through the school window at her granddaughter in that predatory way
    2. Laurie was the one more actively pursuing Michael, opening the closets looking for him to be hiding from her, bashing around the wire hangers in frustration
    3. When Laurie fell off the roof and Michael was looking down at her then turned away momentarily and looked back she had already vanished with eerie stealth
    4. At the end she emerges suddenly from the shadows to attack Michael from behind, one of his signature moves!

    But it was so stupid that the podcasters wouldn’t just walk around the square to look Michael in the face. Like, c’mon! I did appreciate that we actually saw bits of Michael’s old man face too. I just wish maybe he’d shown a few more signs of rheumatoid arthritis or something, because really, he old AF now!

    Like

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