The Gingerdead Man 2: The Passion of the Crust (2008)
Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:
- Just in case you needed to know the details of the plot or lack thereof of the first film, here’s a not too quick recap.
- The recap is actually better than the whole first movie.
- It even gives more exposition than the first film. Like the shadowy figure than delivers the gingerbread seasoning was Busey’s Mom. The first movie never explained that. And the fact that the main chick is now married to the other fella.
- And here’s a blatant rip off song of Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation.
- Even this fake horror movie within a movie doesn’t make any sense. Why are the tormenting his woman by throwing gold at her?
- The movie within a movie is a spoof of Puppet Masters. In case you were wondering. Or cared. Sorry.
- One of the puppets is called Haunted Dildo. And yes it’s an actual cock. Well not a human one anyway.
- How is a belt hurting this dude’s prostate?
- Bad gay joke #1.
- The director asked what is wrong with the puppets on the set and after one of the tech’s said who built this crap, the director said he did. So why is he asking them?
- How is the Gingerdead Man back as a gingerbread man?
- That’s it! I’m quitting Schlocktoberfest! I’m done!
- This movie has the gall to have a character that is a mock of a Make-a-Wish kid.
- Speaking of Make-a-Wish, Brian and I have to introduce you all to the awesomeness that is The Aurora Encounter that actually was made because a Make-a-Wish kid named Mickey Hayes who had Progeria wish was to be in areal Hollywood movie! One of these days we’ll do a proper review or something.
- At least this movie is trying a little harder. I mean it’s a spoof of the first one as well as the company that makes those shitty Puppet Master movies but then again whose seen any of those movies? And they’re never good enough to have self-referential to be worth this.
- Michael Madsen? Nah, even he’s not rock-bottom enough to do this movie.
- There’s less than 45 minutes left and so far nothing has remotely happened.
- So now the Gingerdead Man is worried about transferring his soul into another body?
- Now we’re talking. There’s another flick being made and it’s showing some scantily dressed Asian lady being paddled in the ass. Don’t ask why though.
- Bad gay joke #2.
- Why hasn’t anyone ever thought to pour liquid on the Gingerdead Man to kill him? He’s just a cookie right? Dunk that motherfucker in a huge glass of milk!
- I forgot to mention that Greg Nicotero was involved in this abomination.
- So far we have 40 minutes left. But I’m hoping, like the first one, that it has over 10 minutes of credits so maybe I have 30 minutes left. Crom willing.
- The stylist just uttered that he’s too old for this shit when a drink spilled on the floor. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
- The Gingerdead Man just killed the homosexual stylist with a curling iron by thrusting it into his asshole. That’s so highly offensive.
- I’m going to have to watch a real movie after this just to remind myself that there’s decent movies. Like The Godfather trilogy.
- The Gingerdead Man just jerked off watching the craft services bimbo fuck some actor guy. Then he smoked a cigarette.
- Why does the Gingerdead Man think one of the puppets is real? And why is he sexually attracted to it?
- Every prop in this studio is real. From the knives to the chainsaw to the craft service bimbo.
- I don’t have Celiac disease but I sure am having a gluten allergy to this fucking film.
- This movie is slowing to a bloody crawl with two idiots looking for the Make-a-Wish kid for 7 minutes.
- Now the Gingerdead Man is controlling some robot from a sci-fi flick and it just disintegrated someone.
- Tommy the Make-a-Wish kid is actually a spurned writer who has been constantly rejected by the studio. TWIST!
- Speaking of cookies and autumn, here’s a photo of delicious Oktoberfest gingerbread heart cookies.
- So glad this Tommy twist is still going on 7 minutes later with no sign of the Gingerdead Man anywhere. This movie came to a grinding halt.
- I just noticed that Tommy has a bunch of piercings on his face but when he was Tommy the Make-a-Wish kid he didn’t have any piercings. So he put them back in when he revealed his true self?
- The Gingerdead Man just killed Tommy and said that he’ll make it so that he’ll never have to watch a bad movie ever again. And I’m EXTREMELY jealous of Tommy right now.
- In trying to do his soul swapping ritual, the Gingerdead Man accidentally made the puppets come alive and they are now attacking him and they are crucifying him, crown of thorns and all. Just so the pun of the subtitle of the film works.
Is It Actually Palatable: I learned a new idiom today, “Take the gilt off the gingerbread” and it basically means to remove an item’s most attractive qualities. And that sums up this franchise perfectly.
Scariest Entree: I honestly don’t recall anything decent at all in this. I watched this a while ago with Brian after the first movie and it’s amazing we didn’t kill ourselves in a death pact afterwards. I’m still trying to shake off this depression.
Is It Raw and Bloody: Don’t make me think about this movie anymore.
Any Mouth-Watering Nudity: The Gingerdead Man shows off his dough balls.
Most Delectable Line: I don’t know! Listen, I’m not going back to watch it again to find a quote. If I didn’t write something down the first time, than there’s nothing worth mentioning then.
Most Delicious Scene: I’d rather starve myself than review this film any longer. CHECK PLEASE!
Most Flavorless Scene: The stylist getting killed with the curling iron in his rectum.
Overall: This movie for whatever reason either didn’t ask Busey to return as the voice of the Gingerdead Man or they couldn’t afford him. Either way, that’s enough proof that this is exactly what you pay for. This movie has a baker’s dozen number of reasons to avoid it. So I’ll just let Gordon Ramsey sum up our feelings regarding this wretched franchise.
Score: 1 Haunted Dildos (out of 10)