Schlocktoberfest VII – Day 29: Double Feature: Maximum Overdrive/Trucks | Hard Ticket to Home Video

Trucks (1999)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: Not content to have just one horribly made killer trucks adaptation to the same story, King allowed this abomination to come to life.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

USA pictures? Well here we go! U! S! A! U! S! A!
Seriously, I have to have my idiot brain examined to be willingly to watch this.
Timothy Busfield? Poindexter?!
Busfield? This movie is called “trucks.”
And just like that, a pickup truck comes “alive” and rams through some poor schmuck’s house killing him while he’s taking a shower.
Already this is a big step up from Maximum Overdrive.
The lady lead in this is Brenda Bakke, who also happened to play the blind lady in Death Spa!
Whenever I see the name Bakke, I keep thinking bukkake.
This refrigerated truck forces its own driver to stop when he fights it for control. When he gets out to investigate a noise in the cargo the truck locks him him. Why don’t trucks have some sort of safety feature to prevent someone from being locked in the back?
This teenager actually had the nerve to try to light a cigarette in front of her dad. Then has the gall to complain when he takes it away from her.
This main lady who runs these hiking tours only talks in a whisper. But it’s a very sultry whisper so I’m cool with it.
Yeah he could use some help. What are you taking pictures of anyway?!
The refrigerated truck just slammed into the pickup truck from the first scene. Why?! Is it like a superiority thing?
This is the second time they made it a point to highlight “country food.” Which is basically scrambled eggs and bacon with some home fries. What exactly do city-folk eat for breakfast?
Another truck gains control from the driver and rams into a transformer making it explode and the truck-stop loses power.
And how exactly is the cell phone lines down now?
I kinda miss the Green Goblin truck.
Timothy Busfield’s kid in this was one of the kids in Freddy vs. Jason. Hey, that was a step-up from this at least.

I’m not sure if they’re going to explain what made the trucks comes alive. Not sure if that makes this better or worse. But so far it’s just trucks…not cars. That doesn’t make much sense either.
How is the TV working?! How’d they get power back?
This chase scene is riveting.
I may have missed it but did the hiking group neglect to tell Busfield that a trucker rammed their cars earlier and that’s why he’s out there picking them up? The reason I ask is because he says that this trucker behind them chasing them is a maniac. If he known what’s been happening he shouldn’t be surprised.
So instead of the comet making machines come alive like Maximum Overdrive this movie says it’s a chemical spill. If I were to weigh the sci-fi plausibility factor, I’d go with Trucks.
Well this is kinda stupid. Now we see a RC truck toy come alive in a toy store and go berserk on the other RC cars. This is unnecessarily specific that it effects ALL trucks.
And now it escaped the store and is actually killing a hapless mailman! This is fucking absurd.
But I have to say, this is the best kill ever in Schlocktoberfest history!!!!

Why doesn’t anyone think of shooting out the tires on these killer trucks! This goes for Maximum Overdrive too!
Now’s not the time for social existential commentary hippy dude!
So the phones are still out but the lights and TV occasionally work. Gotcha!
Jumping Jesus! Now they’re rambling on about the recent comet shower.
And Area 51!
Busfield defends the Air Force dad and throws a punch, which is weird because the Air Force Dad is way bigger and probably tougher.
There’s two government guys driving to the chemical spill site. And they have these hazmat suits. They stop to investigate something and one guy goes outside while the other tries to radio headquarters. While he’s trying to get communication the other hazmat suit fills up with air and becomes sentient! It then grabs an ax and kills both guys! This is ridiculous!!!
The Air Force dad thinks that some secret NASA program that was taken over by some rogue scientists may be the cause of the trucks coming alive. Just the logistics of simple combustible engines being remotely controlled is hard to believe.
If I was ever in this sort of situation of sentient trucks keeping me under siege in a truck stop, the last thing I would do is bond with how rough my life was to other people.
Yeah throw rocks at the trucks Busfield. That could work.
Why did the pinball machine spark when the Air Force dad’s face was thrown on top of it.
Doesn’t that tunnel lead to somewhere else? Isn’t that what tunnels do? Why are the kids trying to come out of the end that has a truck blocking it?!
I’m still not sure why the trucks are not attacking them while the kids crawl out. Why are they giving them a chance?
Is this the time to go on about Air Force dad’s poor parenting skills?!

The hippy dude just stated that Koreans introduced ginseng to the world. Hey, you learn something new every day.
Timothy Busfield just said the the old cook of the truck stop came there to die because he has a bad liver. He specifically chose a truck stop to cook country food for his final days?
Is that guy who is stuck in the cargo of the refrigerated truck ever coming into play in this film again?
And if the film established that it’s not just trucks/cars coming to life with the air-blown hazmat suit killing those government fellas, then why isn’t anything in the diner coming to life and attacking them while they wait inside? Seems like this film wanted to be a tad more plausible then Maximum Overdrive but wanted to flirt with some goofy over-the-top concepts like the hazmat suit and toy RC truck.
So the one redneck made a bunch of Molotov cocktails and is attacking the trucks. The other redneck, for some stupid reason, gets sentimental about his truck and runs out and gets in his truck. The Molotov cocktail lands on his truck and then rams the red neck into the building and the whole building explodes because every movie needs an explosion.
So I have about 18 minutes left and I can safely say this film is boring as two day old cold dog shit. Which means that this is the second time they fucked up adapting this short story into a film. Maybe the premise is just too stupid.
Fucking Hell! I think they just established the fact that the trucks made the payphone outside ring as a trap to lure someone out there. Welp, the young teen girl takes the bait and is immediately attacked. But is saved by the hippy dude who sacrificed himself in the process. I hope she’s happy now.
So, like Maximum Overdrive the trucks need fuel and allow Busfield to fill them up. But like the other POS film they just do it. I would try to fill them with sugar so they can’t run anymore.
Furthermore why refuel them anyway? In Maximum Overdrive the trucks forced the survivors to refuel them with the machine gun car. Now it’s just the trucks with no weapon(s) so why should they refuel them? Just let them run out of gas so they can’t move. Der.
And why is the refrigerated truck the “leader?” It wasn’t even the first one sentient in this flick. How did it assume command over the other trucks?
Not exactly sure why Busfield shot at the gas tanks now to make them and the diner explode. Again, just an excuse for an explosion? Sure the refrigerated truck was part of that explosion but does he really think that’s going to work?
Now there’s a random scene of a guy fixing the power lines while on a cherry-picker and his truck kills him when it starts bumping the transformer. Why is this scene here and now in the film?! We have 7 minutes left! It didn’t further the plot at all. AT ALL! This should’ve been in the middle of the movie to establish other trucks and vehicles killing people or just been cut altogether!
Nice twist that I totally saw coming. Busfield and company make it til daylight and hop onto a helicopter to safety. But when Busfield goes to thank the pilot it’s revealed there is no pilot! Dun-dun-DUUUUN!!!!

Scare Level: The only thing scary is that this lame-ass mediocre short story was horribly adapted not once BUT twice!

Gore Level: I really only remember a lot of blood when the mailman gets his head crushed in by the RC dump truck. But to be honest that’s the only scene I do remember.

Nudity Level: I got naked. Then I dosed myself wth kerosene and came very close to lighting a match!

Best Line: Not applicable.

Best Scene: Hands-down, the RC truck rampage scene.

Worst Scene: Well if I had to choose, it would be the completely shoe-horned cherry picker death scene in the last 10 minutes of the flick.

Stephen King References: Killer sentient vehicles

Overall: As bad as Maximum Overdrive is, it at least is entertaining in a So-Bad-Its-Good aspect. Trucks fails in each and every way and should be avoided like a venereal disease. Actually that’s an insult to venereal diseases because at least you have fun before contracting one. I’m going to assume that after this, in 1999, there was no more killer car horror movies and hopefully it stays that way.

Score: 0.75 Dirty Deed Done Dirt Cheap (out of 10)