Schlocktoberfest XIV – Day 3: Night Of The Demon

Night Of The Demon (1980)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: The horniest goddamn Bigfoot you ever did see.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

What’s with the Maxwell House coffee drip sound effect for the IV tube?
Is this the music video for “One” again?
Professor Nugent is the one in bed badly burned and wearing gauze like he’s a soldier for Cobra.
I hate Ted Nugent by the way, so don’t expect any jokes referencing his music.
The funniest thing this movie could have done is have the Professor recall the whole movie to the sheriff from his hospital bed with no flashbacks.
I think Schlocktoberfest 14 is gonna be the one with the most trees in it.
Is Bigfoot’s POV gonna always look like a colonoscopy in reverse the whole time?
This flick is gonna be a Master Ninja-level shit show, but these opening titles done to the fisherman’s blood pooling in a Bigfoot footprint is pretty goddamn sweet.
Christ, this opening music is so seventies my last name just went from Brady to Osmond to Partridge then back again.
This looks like an advertisement to be able to time travel back to the seventies to go to college.
Looks like a found footage, Cannibal Holocaust sort of vibe is being attempted here.
You know it’s bad when the actors in the silent recovered film are utter shit.
This college has a class on cryptids? Where the fuck was that when I needed an emergency elective senior year?
Dime-store Gilda Radner’s lecture here has the sound of a deaf girl in a metal hallway.
8:54 in and we have our first nipple. That has got to be a record here, check the stats.
These two are fucking in a van? Well done Director of Photography.
Bigfoot Coitus Interruptus.
That is one of the worst death scenes I have ever fucking witnessed. Wow.
A Mark Spitz lookalike for all the ladies in the house. All the ladies well over 60 that is.
An asshole professor with his students in a cabin in the woods – what could, I say what could possibly go wrong?
I’m guessing Mr. Brown Jacket here is the group’s annoying know-it-all.
What the actual fuck was that? The screen went black, then to what looked like someone’s hand while sleeping in a tent, then to morning in a forest within 1.5 seconds.
Bigfoot got to do the Friday The Thirteenth Part 7 sleeping bag kills years before Kane Hodder got a whack at it.
The foley during this kill scene is so bad, I don’t have a metaphor for it.
Now it’s the hand in the tent thing again. What truly is going on? Is Michael Caine in this?
It’s night now? Was that a dream? Could someone please go find the editor?
Booze. Doubles as currency and the perfect gift no matter where you are.
IMDB says that this film used almost entirely first takes. I did not need to be told that.
Looks like we’re goin’ to go find Crazy Wanda. OK fine.
Shit, is this Crazy Wanda b-plot gonna turn into a Nell knockoff?
I think Herb looks like Anthony Zerbe’s slightly heavier younger brother.
When the scene starts, the audio has to as well you fucking clod of an editor.
Things might be taking a turn towards the Satanic. Thank God.
Looks like the sheriff is the one who smokes those weird cigars from before. I’ll just go ahead and file that under who gives a flaming-fucking-fondue.
The “let’s all shout out what we’re good at in life” shanty. Annoying fucking cunts.
Why are we getting a flashback within a movie that is entirely a flashback?
And it’s only to see a meth-addicted William H. Macy ride a bike and smoke a joint.
That’s how a castrated biker goes out, draining the bloody hole that was his junk on the carburetor and down the muffler, then over the kickstand. To Grandmother’s house we go.
Are we gonna start picking off these boring ass students yet? If this was a Friday The 13th, at least three of them would be dead by now.
Some of this film was re-used in a gay porn wasn’t it?
Satanic Bigfoot worshipers in the woods. Not something you see every day.
In case you were wondering, in 1979 when this film was shot – it took only three gunshots in the air to stop and disperse a ritualistic gang rape/Bigfoot insemination. I am unaware of the current going rate.
There’s that Sheriff again!
The Bigfoot effigy’s cock caught fire before the rest of him. Those old stories about him and Milton Berle are all true.
Professor Nugent is a cunt and I’m glad he will eventually get maimed by the foot which is big.
Red-asshole POV cam again, the monster is near.
Professor Nugent looks like Ron Jeremy fucked Herschel Savage. Any old school vintage porn fans out there? Any fans at all out there?
That was a truly awful nightmare sequence, I hope everyone who made this movie is dead.
Seems Bigfoot has the brains of not only MacGyver, but John Mclane as well. Must be a Scottish thing.
I swear that was the poppy music from The Wizard of Oz.
OK with the extreme closeups. Is the cameraman a clod as well?
And now some bad sleeping bag fucking scored to a bad Jonathan Cain piano solo.
The Brown Eye of Sauron is lurking about once more – alert the fellowship.
Sparky! Wild Animal! Oh yeah, I’m gonna go for it honey!
Holy shit! Bigfoot just scratches the guy’s back while he’s banging the brainless blonde. This is gay porn isn’t it, c’mon you meatheads joke’s over.
I bet there’s a really grisly death in store for Mr. fucking-know-it-all.
Again with The Wizard of Oz music.
Looking at a cabin and saying, “that must be the cabin” = fuck Professor Nugent and his intense grasp of the obvious.
Once these assholes get into Crazy Wanda’s cabin, I hope they all get the royal Evil Dead treatment.
Seems it was Wanda who was going to get raped by the cult, so I’m sure she’s excited to finally meet the Scooby Gang of cockblocking.
Did we really need the POV from the rocking chair?
Will these assholes please all get killed already?
Where’s the you spin me ‘round like a rectum POV when you want it?
A drinking game can be done where you have to drink a fifth of everclear every time someone says, “horribly mutilated.”
Why have we cut to an episode of Little House on the Prairie where Howdy Doody is chopping wood?
Music courtesy of slowing letting the air out of four balloons.
WTF? Bigfoot hits Howdy in the shoulder causing a medium sized wound, yet he constantly shakes like Michael J. Fox without a coat at a Packers home game in January.
These close-ups are truly ridiculous.
We are now in our third flashback inside a giant flashback.
Girl Scouts my ass! These chicks are at least eighteen. That can be taken SO outta context.
I thought those flowers were Jawa eyes. Well, it’s about time you showed up gummy I ate 45 minutes ago, where the hell have ya been?
There’s no way the scouts gave permission for their logo to be on t-shirts in this movie.
How long is Bigfoot gonna chase these bitches using the same footage over and over? It didn’t take this long for Lancelot to run to Swamp Castle in The Holy Grail.
Jesus-tit-fucking-christ. Bigfoot grabs both girls by their arms and runs them into each other like some fucked up square dance; and it makes them stab each other to a bloody death. I am freaking the fuck out here man.
Bigfoot looks like he shaves his chest.
Slamming Pete into the tree so that he Cobain’s himself with his shotgun is pure Sasquatch genius.
He even left a splatter of Ragu’s Extra Chunky premium sauce on the tree trunk for everyone.
When you give a woman a shotgun and she looks at it like it’s a two page trigonometry problem – hi jinks are about to ensue. You can smell it like blood in the ocean. You are a shark, and you are cosmic.
This fucking director lets the shots go on way too long, then he starts them too early so the actors don’t speak right away. Have I called him a clod yet?
Now we’re hypnotizing Crazy Wanda with a key to a 1987 Volkswagen Scirocco. This movie hates me back it seems.
Professor Nugent: The Inpatient Hypnotist.
These assholes all clearly went into the cellar, but it looks like a furnished and carpeted bedroom.
Now we get a tour of the room done to leftover John Harrison music.
A music box is playing, so that means Wanda is remembering what I’m sure is a completely fucked up childhood.
“I’m saving your soul you ungrateful bitch.” What’s wrong with saying that to a woman as you buy her a drink?
Mother of fu…if this is what…No way he’s…all right then. Bigfoot raped Wanda while her father watched.
Maury would have a field day with these two.
Dear old Dad finally shoots Bigfoot, but he waited so long Bigfoot was actually wiping himself off when he got hit.
Religion is just not a good thing.
So without the father’s VO we would have never deduced that Wanda was Bigfoot’s baby mama, and her father tried to give her an ‘ole fashioned, “drink this and we’re in the clear” mug of Roe Vs. Wade.
Of course we knew the homemade abortion potion wouldn’t work and Wanda had the deformed monster baby in a sea of Mia Farrow and Linda Blair iconography.
BTW, the special effect used for the horribly deformed baby was a fucking $2 baby doll covered in melted snickers bars.
Now there are chimpanzee screams – I hate this movie.
Professor Nugent can now add grave desecration to his already impressive curriculum vitae.
The editing of these scenes is like tying porterhouse steaks together with dental floss.
Because it’s shaky. Get it?
Bigfoot finally attacks these jag offs when they mess with his dead kid’s grave. The soil of a man’s heart is stonier, Nugent. A man grows what he can, and he tends it. Because what you buy is what you own. And what you own… always comes home to you.
Bigfoot considers the junk he leaves Wanda not only a gift, but the federally mandated child support her lawyers insisted on.
Wanda fessed up to roasting her daddy into a boiling pile of shit and we’re even treated to seeing his hand melt.
Wanda says she did it for her baby and the baby’s father. This is turning into the video for Papa Don’t Preach.
Why are Pete’s intestines coming out of his eye sockets? I’m not saying I mind, I would just like to thank whoever was responsible.
OK here we go, time for some herd thinning.
I’m sorry, the chaos came in so sudden I forgot you were there. Bigfoot is fucking everyone’s shit up: strangling, disemboweling, throat slashing, pitch fork stabbing, and then giving Professor Nugent the Teddy Duchamp special on the conveniently nearby red-hot stove top.
OK, this shit show was worth it just to see Nugent’s burnt face makeup effects. A fucking toasted marshmallow with those old plastic vampire teeth in the middle.
And we are now back to whatever this movie calls present day.
Thank fuck we had these three geniuses bookend this masterpiece.
So Professor Nugent has a burnt face, is somewhat accused of all the murders, is declared criminally insane, and gets shuffled off to this movie’s equivalent of Arkham Asylum. What an insult to the Clown Prince of Crime.