Back to the Future, the greatest sci-fi movie ever made into a movie, premiered 30 years ago today. This movie is life-changing for me, in that it kicked off a great love of motion pictures (yes, I’ve always loved this movie more than Star Wars) and I did 20 years in a federal penitentiary for kidnapping Thomas F. Wilson. We’ve waxed plenty about this masterpiece in the past, but for this special anniversary I’d like to focus on my favorite quotable quotes, many of which are still in the public lexicon today:
30. Doc: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits 88 miles per hour… you’re gonna see some serious shit.
29. Doc: Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.
28. Marty: Now my dad is trying to have sex with me, Doc!
27. Doc: Great Scott!
26. Doc: There’s that word again. “Heavy.” Why are things so heavy in the future? Is there a problem with the Earth’s gravitational pull?
25. Marty: Are you telling me that you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?
24. Marty: So you’re my Uncle Joey. Better get used to these bars, kid.
23. Doc: I’m using Einstein for the first time travel experiment because he pissed in my lab shoes yesterday so if he disintegrates or whatever I don’t give a fuck.
22. Doc: Then who’s vice president? Jerry Lewis?
21. Sam Baines: He’s an idiot. Comes from upbringing. His parents are probably idiots, too. Lorraine, you ever have a kid who acts that way, I’ll disown you.
20. Marty: I guess you guys aren’t ready for that yet. But your kids are gonna love it.
19. George: Lou, give me a milk. Chocolate!
18. Marty/George: If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.
17. George: Hey, you! Get your damn hands off her!
16. Lou: Tab? I can’t give you a tab unless you order something.
15. Lorraine: Marty, don’t be such a square. Everybody who’s anybody drinks.
14. Doc: I had a breakthrough when Einstein ate all of my plutonium! Somehow the plutonium mixed in with the dogshit made the perfect fuel for the flux capacitor!
13. Marty: What happens to us in the future? Do we become assholes or something?
12. George: Last night, Darth Vader came down from Planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn’t take Lorraine out, he’d melt my brain.
11. Biff: Why don’t you make like a tree and get outta here?
10. Marvin Berry: Who you calling “spook,” peckerwood?
9. Biff: What are you looking at, butthead?
8. George: Marty, I’ve been watching you. And I know you’ve been watching me. That look we exchanged in the locker room shower was no passing glance…
7. Old Man Peabody: Take that you mutated son of a bitch!
6. Doc: I remember when this was all farmland as far the eye could see. Old man Peabody owned all of this.
5. Huey Lewis: I’m afraid you’re just too darn loud.
4. Doc: Wait, your mother is Lorraine Baines? Shit, rumor has it she’s the high school whore! Mathematically speaking, literally any boy at that school could be your real father!
3. Biff: I have your car towed all the way to your house and all you got for me is light beer?
2. Doc: Oh, my God. They found me. I don’t know how, but they found me.
1. Einstein: Because you would have tried to change the future, which is against the law. Therefore, I could tell you nothing.