Dear Houston,

Ah, culinary confoundery! It is rare that Kal-El has to go grocery shopping when he is not in his Clark Kent persona, but occasionally he has no choice. But clearly, there’s no wallet next to his spandex-covered buns! However, it is a little-known fact that the Man of Steel places some rolled-up bills inside of a hollow lipstick tube, and keeps the tube up his ass just in case. Imagine the look of surprise on Lois’s face when she discovered it later that night (deleted scene)!

As for the cooking, one word: HEAT VISION! Supes took the steaks, tossed them in the air with some Montreal seasoning, and blasted them before they hit the plate. Unfortunately, because of his excitement over the prospect of getting laid, he overcooked them. Lois complained, and he got so pissed he blasted her with his super breath, knocking her into a bottomless chasm directly behind the dinner table. After two minutes, he decided to fly down there and rescue her. But it did give him the idea to deposit Zod and co. down there in the film’s climax, as well as Rocky from the diner, and anyone else who dared challenge his manhood, leaving him to bang in peace, which inspired the fourth movie.

Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn

Have a burning film question for Professor Popcorn? Ask away in the comments section below!