Dear Mark,

This is an easy one actually, although I do see your point. Sure, the Hovitos looked primitive that much is for certain. But how they have elaborate traps and mechanics protecting their treasures is common for primitive peoples. Like how Stonehenge was built with seemingly limited resources and technology as well as the Egyptian Pyramids and the huge heads on Easter Island. They were all made with the assistance from aliens from another planet! That’s the most plausible answer I can give as to how a primitive Peruvian tribe had a perfectly round boulder set as a trap on a track to pummel trespassers. I mean, do you think they painstakingly carved that boulder down to a ball themselves with sharp rocks? And then pushed that boulder all the way up in that cave as a weapon/trap? Please. Or maybe you might assume there’s a slew of perfectly round boulders found naturally in the Peruvian jungle? Nope. Only aliens help out primitive cultures with their awkward and crazy structures.

Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn

Dear Samson,

The great Nazi villain, Toht was actually had the title of “Major.” But this was only honorary. Seems he was the bastard son of one of Himmler’s cousins and due to his ghastly appearance was always teased growing up. So as a favor to his cousin, Himmler gave Toht the honorary title of Major and shipped him away to help Colonel Dietrich and Belloq find the Ark. He was pretty much a “go-fer” and this is why he was also sent all the way to Nepal to retrieve the headpiece to the Staff of Ra from Marion Ravenwood. If you notice, he doesn’t do anything else in the movie—because he doesn’t have anything else to do.

I’m also glad you brought up his leather duster. Yes, it is quite odd that he wears this heavy leather coat in the scorching hot desert heat. It’s quite comical to see that one scene of him wiping his very sweaty brow towards the end of the film. If you haven’t figured this out by now, Toht is not the sharpest tool in the shed and he only has this one coat and he thinks it’s the best coat in the world. The coat makes him who he is. No matter what the condition or climate—he’s wearing that coat. He even wears it in the cold Nepali climate scene! He’s not taking that coat off for anyone; except that one unnecessary scene where he looks as if he had a torture device but it turns out he even has his own traveling coat hanger! Seriously, who carries around a coat hanger with them?! Anyway, that coat is who he is and if it weren’t for that coat he would have exploded like Belloq when the ghost of the Ark attacked the Nazis in the finale. The coat slowed the supernatural burn so much that he simply melted slowly. I found that interesting and amusing. Thanks again for writing!

Your picture pal,
Professor Popcorn

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