Night of the Demons (2010)
What’s This About: Partygoers of wildly varying ages awaken an ancient evil: Edward Furlong.
Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:
- Wow this movie has the precise exact same opening New Orleans party scene as the New Orleans party scene in Hatchet, complete with shots that come straight out of 1996.
- I love the Linnea Quigley scene where she’s wearing the same dress and does the same butt bend as the original, but it’s weird that it’s done in front of two little trick or treating girls instead of teenage boys.
- Across the street two slightly older than teenage boys shoot a teenage boy candy looter with a paintball gun and he does the Wilhelm Scream, which might be the worst application of it I’ve ever seen.
- I always liked Monica Keena and never really understood why it didn’t work out better for her. Although, come to think of it, I don’t even remember her being in much except Freddy vs. Jason. Maybe I’m mistaking her for Elisha Cuthbert or someone.
- I also don’t get her Halloween costume, which just seems to be a little blood on her face. Is she supposed to be someone who was near someone else who got shot?
- However, I do understand why it didn’t work out better for Edward Furlong.
- So all these horndogs are going to a party at an old mansion and Edward Furlong needs to sell a lot of drugs or his supplier will kill him. I hope the killing starts in the next 18 seconds.
- This 35-year-old woman with giant breast implants is supposed to be in college? Maybe she’s supposed to be Monica Keena’s aunt?
- A demon hand comes out of the mirror at Maddie (Monica Keena) but then when she tries to show her aunt the mirror isn’t broken. Is she just crazy? Why are you asking me?
- I think this is one of the last times someone tried to make Shannon Elizabeth a thing. We then moved on to a thousand other gorgeous women who can’t act. At least she’s a familiar face, I’ve never seen most of the people in this movie before or since.
- I guess the good thing about setting your motion picture at a party is you can show endless shots of random partying to pad the runtime.
- Prime Video really needs a playback speed option. I would prefer to watch this one in at least 7x speed.
- The party gets busted by the police. Where will these horny “teens” get drunk and screw now??
- Why are Maddie & Co. sticking around?
- Colin (Furlong) throws his drugs in a grate that goes to the basement and they find corpses in said basement And one of them bites Angela (Shannon Elizabeth) somehow.
- There’s a witchcraft explanation for the demon stuff, but my fingers refuse to recap it because it doesn’t matter.
- Oh ok they must all be 16 because they’re now playing spin the bottle.
- So Angela is now has a demon deep inside her and transfers it to one of the other faceless dudes through kissing.
- Wait, is Colin supposed to be Maddie’s boyfriend? He looks like her uncle. Which would make him her aunt’s husband, so this is awkward on so many levels.
- I guess we’re about to find out if you can transfer demonicacy through fully-clothed unprotected sex.
- Oh boy Angela and Maddie’s aunt are sharing a semi-sapphic dance. We’re partying now.
- Then Angela demons out and rips off the aunt’s boob and then bites her face clean off. This is exactly what happened in Rabid.
- One of the other girls (Lily) does the nipple lipstick thing from the original and it makes even less sense here. But then she pulls it out of her lady-down-there, which is gushing blood, and I’m not even going to make a tampon joke.
- None of this is fun, or scary, or even scary fun.
- Oh my god they’re going through a tunnel for 9 years. I wonder if they’ll get attacked by demons?
- The demons are impervious to shotgun blasts to the head but not Edward Furlong swinging a piece of rebar.
- I really just hate shaky cams and quick cuts. What movie directed that way is actually worth a shit?
- Looks like the demons hate rust. Someone put on some Neil Young!
- Ok do we really need an exposition scene about fucking demons? Now I understand why Monica Keena wasn’t a bigger deal, people must’ve watched this scene of her speaking.
- Why does it look like it’s daytime outside when she’s telling this story about how they need to wait until dawn.
- Do I give a demon rat’s gushing ass if any of the three remaining humans die?
- So they’re in a room with spell symbols on the walls and demon arms try to break in and now it’s dawn but somehow there’s still 20 minutes left.
- Oh no the daylight was a demon trick.
- This fighting the demons scene isn’t doing much for me but I love the song playing during it. Probably because it’s by 45 Grave who also had an awesome song on the Return of the Living Dead soundtrack!
- This movie does remind me of Return of the Living Dead except that it completely sucks and you don’t care about anyone or anything that’s happening. But other than that…
- So Colin demonsizes, then Maddie loads rusty nails into a shotgun with no way of knowing that would work or blow up in her face, literally. But at least there’s a shot of her blowing on the barrel, which only makes sense if there’s smoke coming out of it, and even then it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
- I’m sorry but no, those rusty nails would not come out of the shotgun one at a time. I know from experience, dude.
- Then Maddie hangs herself to avoid the demons taking over, even though if she’d just waited 3 more seconds the sun would’ve gotten them. But then it’s revealed that she also tied the noose rope around her waist, which she wouldn’t have had time to do, but even so, it likely would have broken her spine, and also probably hanged her because she still put the noose around her neck.
- The demons mist back into the corpses in the basement. So that really didn’t resolve much.
- How is she going to explain all this to the police?
Final Thoughts: Well, it really doesn’t get much more cookie cutter than this, which is a perfect wrap up to this month of unnecessary crap. This had to be yet another case where they had the rights so they may as well do something with it, even though it doesn’t bring anything new or interesting to the table. And that’s Schlocktoberfest in a nutshell.
Score: 2.5 Rusty Nails in Your Genitals (out of 10)
Which was better?: I like the original ok but it was Oscar-worthy compared to this and had a much better nipple lipstick scene.