Terror at Red Wolf Inn (1972)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: A silly naive idiot “wins” a vacation at some mediocre inn and wouldn’t you know it—it’s run by cannibals. Gosh darnit!

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• What is it with these 70s horror movies that start with a folky poppy innocent-sounding music? Is it trying to divert the audience from thinking this is a horror flick? Like it’s trying to surprise us or something? Imagine if the Texas Chainsaw Massacre opened with a Carly Simon song.
• This college girl gets a letter stating she won a contest for a vacation. A contest she never entered. Yet she calls it in to claim it anyway. Idiot.
• Now she’s frantically going around the dorm yelling that she won something. I hate this girl already and it’s only been 2 minutes.
• Parrots in a horror movie? Those kind of birds really set the mood for terror don’t they?
• Wait? She has to take a plane to get to this vacation that she obviously going to be a victim for. I can’t wait to hear the explanation as to why she was chosen for this contest vacation.
• How’d they even pick this girl? Randomly pointed at a name in the college directory? This plot line is getting more absurd by the minute.
• Was this a private plane?! She’s the only one on it!
• And this seems awfully expensive for what I’m assuming is to lure this chick so the people of the inn can kill and eat her? They are flying—FLYING—her just to kill her? Couldn’t they lure in some local victims?
• The young man that picked this girl, Regina, up at the airport introduced himself as “Baby John.”
• This is the second movie, this month, that I watched where a girl who just met some guy speeds in the car and gets pursued by a cop. Common horror movie trope I suppose.
• Of course this bimbo is impressed by the way he evaded the cops and nearly got them in trouble.
• The Red Wolf Inn? Now all I’m thinking of is Red Dog beer.

• There’s two other female guests at this place. You mean to tell me that the Red Wolf Inn managed to get not one, not two, but three moron chicks with this free vacation ruse?!
• The one girl says she walked to the Inn. So she’s a neighbor practically?
• Is the cameraman at this dinner feast scene a dwarf? All the shots are table height!
• Regina has been at this house for just a few short hours (I’m assuming) and she’s chowing down with them as if they were close relatives. This is stupid and bizarre.
• What’s that phobia or clinical name for being bothered by hearing people chew? This movie would cripple anyone with that ailment.
• Why is the movie playing Pomp & Circumstance while they eat? Did they graduate something? I guess the royalty free was just too tempting.
• Is Regina ever going to question how she won this vacation or is that dippy?
• The one girl, Pamela, just walked out of the bathroom and declared “Weight Watchers here I come!” Just in case the film didn’t convey how much they ate at dinner.
• Regina just had a dream where she was on a beach eating cake with her hands. Was this the inspiration for that pop hit “Cake By the Ocean?”
• This is the second movie, this month, that had our main protagonist crept down the stairs of a house she’s staying at, open the fridge and find a man butchering up meat. Besides the coincidence, I have to wonder, do all cannibals butcher up their victims in the middle of the night?
• BOOM MIKE!
• The old lady of the Inn just said she always weighs herself after breakfast. Then asks Regina and the other girl, Edwina to also weigh themselves. Besides the creepiness factor to having some old coot wanting to know what someone weighs (a day after meeting them!), these girls are just disgustingly naive!
• And why didn’t they just target and choose chubbier ladies while they’re at it?
• Is that sound a fly buzzing or some sort of soundtrack issue?
• Edwina is a young African-American girl. I’m wondering if this film will make an inappropriate ‘dark meat’ joke later.

• Regina kind of looks like Alyson Hannigan from Buffy and How I Met Your Mother.
• Baby John was just scarfing down a sandwich and Regina stashed it from him telling him: “Don’t do that, that’s not good for you.” The fact that Baby John didn’t sock her is odd enough.
• These two gonna kiss or just stare at each other all day?
• Again, Regina just met Baby John yesterday.
• I guess Regina wasn’t that good a kisser because as soon as Baby John heard his fishing reel spin he went to tend to his other rod.
• HAHAHAHA. John caught a shark and after pulling the shark onto the beach he proceeds to pick it up and starts slamming it down on a rock repeatedly all while constantly yelling SHARK, Regina understandably looks bewildered and horrified. This shark is only about 3 feet long! I guess he really hates sharks.
• And now he’s punching the shark!
• Maybe he just really HATES that “Baby Shark” song.
• After his fit of shark rage, he turns to Regina and says: “I think I love you.”
• And of course Regina still stays at the inn.
• The hosts and the guests are at the dinner table again hootin’ and hollerin’ with party hats, leis, balloons and party horns. What is going on now?
• Now the old man host, Henry, is singing and dancing like a drunk for no reason.
• Now Braham’s Lullaby is playing. This film really likes the royalty-free classics huh?
• Edwina is “Choice Grade A” according to Henry right before he chops her up in the middle of the night.
• When the old lady tells Regina that Edwina left early in the morning “to go home” Regina all of a sudden gets suspicious? Now?!?!
• A police officer arrives at the Inn but we soon discover that the old couple is his grandparents too. So no help for Regina. I’m just wondering why he raced to the Inn with his siren blaring when there was no reason.
• Regina finds both Pamela and Edwina’s severed heads in the freezer. Why she went into the walk-in freezer is anyone’s guess.
• Now Regina leaves the Inn and sees a boat floating in the ocean and decides to swim over to it. Where was that cop from before? Why didn’t Baby John keep a close eye on her? They both know she’s anxious and suspicious and wants to leave.
• She starts the boat and goes to a nearby beachfront home. Baby John meanwhile, finds that she left and races down the beach to get her. Why did she take a boat when she could’ve ran down the beach!?
• And of course the first car she flags down in the road is Henry and Evelyn. And instead of trying to run or scream her head off for help, she just gives up quietly and gets in the car.
• “It’s your favorite soup dear!” As we see her stirring it and a full human foot pops up in the broth. So Baby John’s favorite soup is Feet Soup? Would that be considered “Sole Food?” Sorry of that joke was too corny.
• Maybe it’s French Bunion Soup! (That’s probably my best joke in years on this site.)

• What happened to the sound? Are they in an echo chamber?
• They are really forcing Regina to eat. But she already knows that the meat is human. Why don’t they just kill her unless they really want to torture her first. 
• Baby John psychotically keeps saying “mine!” Like George the Animal Steele when he finds out that they are going to kill and butcher Regina that evening.
• Again, where was that cop from earlier? He came to the inn, harassed Baby John, greeted his grandparents and ate a quick breakfast. And that was it so far.
• This movie is making it difficult for my suspension of disbelief that two young people cannot evade and flee this Inn run by two elderly folks.
• Now Grandma is spanking Baby John on his ass with a belt. The weird thing is each whipping is like the weakest tap.
• Now Baby John and Regina are attacked by the family hound. Saw that dog once before in this film and it was just lying on the front porch sleeping. 
• The old folks are upset now because Henry’s beloved plants are damaged. Now Regina must pay the price for killing his ficus!
• So Regina’s grisly end is just Henry casually chopping her with a cleaver. Nothing clever or interesting about it. She doesn’t try to run or defend herself, just screams in terror.
• Hey, there’s the parrots again. 
• I am really confused now. A lady is singing “White Cliffs of Dover” to Baby John in the kitchen while she gives him a plate of food. The camera pans over to the large walk-in fridge and we see the severed heads of Henry and Evelyn. Credits roll. IS that Regina singing? We clearly saw her get killed or rather that’s what the film implied. Is this a new chick? It kinda looks like Regina but I can’t tell. If it’s not her and a new lady, then this is the future? 
• HUH?!?!?!?!!?!?!

Is It Actually Palatable: It’s mind-bogglingly dumb if you really think about what happens in this flick. Random girl wins random vacation at some random inn. Then after she finds out how “off” this place and the innkeepers are, she never tries hard enough to leave. But even if you get past all this, it’s still a lame and unforgiving horror dud.

Scariest Entree: The soup made from human feet.

Is It Raw and Bloody: In terms of cannibal movies, it’s weak in the blood n’ guts department. 

Any Mouth-Watering Nudity: Nooooooooooooope.

Most Delectable Line: “I think I love you.” For lack of a better choice and lack of caring.

Most Delicious Scene: Definitely the shark beating scene. It was totally out of nowhere, made zero sense and was hilarious.

Most Flavorless Scene: The nonsensical and off tone ending.

Overall: I don’t know what else to say about this bland and infuriating movie. Like I said, I wanted our “heroine” to die within minutes of meeting her because she was so stupid and annoying. I don’t know how she got into college because she didn’t seem to have a logical or reasonable thought in her head. But besides Regina, the rest of the cast were just as flavorless and forgettable. If I didn’t take copious notes while watching this POS I wouldn’t remember a thing besides the shark-beating scene. Don’t waste your time on this one kiddies.

Score: 4 Helpings of Foot Soup (out of 10)