Blood Rage (1987)

Trailer [Warning: this trailer is very odd and pretty much gives away the whole movie]:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: Little bastard Terry frames his twin brother Todd for a drive-in murder, and 10 years later Todd escapes for some reason and Terry starts killing everyone in his condo development, also for some reason.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Blood Traaaaacks!
• Jacksonville, Florida? *shudder*
• Louise Lasser, what a fucking weird career. Although I always get her confused with Louise Fletcher. And then I get both of them confused with Ellen Burstyn.
• Ted Raimi, star of from Army of Darkness!
• So Louise Lasser is making it with some dude at the drive in with her two young sons asleep in the back of the car. Ok, fine, I’ve done worse things as a parent. But are they truly asleep? No they are not, even though she made them drink plenty of chloroform. So they split and find a hatchet and split a dude’s head open who was making it with a girl in the backseat of his car.
  
  

  This movie should be called The Cockblock Twins.

• So the boy who done the murderin’ frames his brother, who just stands there and takes it. Is he a fucking idiot or something?
• It’s 10 years later, and I think Terry/Todd is being played by the guy who got a blowjob from Robin Williams’ wife in The World According to Garp. *checks* I was 100% correct. My god what have I become…
• Terry’s girlfriend was also the love interest in Super Fuzz!
• So it’s Thanksgiving, or at least a giant turkey-based dinner, Todd escapes, Terry’s a dick about it, in keeping with his character.
• So Todd’s psychologist is hunting him instead of the police. Kind of like Halloween, but stupid.
• How will they be able to find a psychopath amongst the residents of Jacksonville?
• Terry chops his mom’s fiancé’s hand off for no reason! Now we’re talking! I have to hand it to the makeup artist.
• Terry not only machetes the psychologist’s assistant, but he steals his marijuana cigarette to boot! What a dick!
• Terry chops the psychologist in half. That is one sharp machete.
  
  

  The machete was totally shaped like a dick, which she took note of before she died.

• The gore is actually fantastic so far. Cheesy but great.
• I really don’t understand Terry’s motivation here. Why is he suddenly a ruthless murderer again? Did he just take a 10-year break? Like I did from wiping? I guess he’s just in a blood rage.
• Wow that is the cheapest looking prop gun I’ve seen since the suicide scene in Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
• Tequila. Salt. LEMON??! What kind of fucking animals are these Jacksonville residents?
• The old severed head hanging outside the front door gag. Never gets old. We do it every Thanksgiving.
  

  I bet that gory head still has more flavor than deep-fried turkey.

• Instead of balling these two nimrods thought it would be better to pull a prank.
• Hey a full frontal shower scene. I wasn’t expecting that just like the actor who plays Terry/Todd wasn’t expecting to get this role because he auditioned against a fern and a Doberman with cataracts.
• Good idea not wearing a bra while playing tennis. Now quit making all that racket!
• Now all of a sudden they’re screwing on a diving board in an indoor pool. Terry comes in and hacks them up because he was just as confused as I am.
• We’re intercutting with mom on a phone call screaming at an operator that goes on way too long and seems to only exist so it can go on Louise Lasser’s sizzle reel, so she can get a hostess job at Sizzler after this.
• Does nobody else live in this huge condo complex and hear all this shit going on? Or even just walking around outside? The only people walking around outside are the donkeybrains who know there’s a killer on the loose.
• It’s pretty fair to say that Louise brings the movie to a screeching halt every time she screeches her way into a scene.
• Terry’s stopping to take a piss. That’s something you rarely see in slasher movies. I only remember seeing Jason Voorhees piss like four times in the whole series. The 3D one in Part 3 was the most memorable.
  
  

  Jason Voorpees!

• So Todd confronts Terry and he’s a huge puss, and does not have a few good years left (see below). Then their mom comes by and shoots Terry in the face.
• Then she goes nuts calling Todd Terry and blows her brains out. The Super Fuzz girl splits and it seems like Todd is going to take the blame for all this. That’s kind of awesome. and now Todd has learned the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

Scare Level: I agree with Brad’s last post, enough with this. We’re adults, sort of.

Gore Level: Terryfic! Some of the finest low-budget gore I’ve seen in a while.

Nudity Level: Some light nudity with a little hard nudity thrown in for good measure.

Best Line: Karen (to Artie [I think that’s his name; doesn’t matter]): “You’ve got a few good years left on that puss of yours!” If he’d said that to her in a different context it would be the greatest line in film history.

Best Scene: I’m torn between Terry cutting his mom’s boyfriend’s hand off and the severed head hanging outside the door. The hand scene made me angrier because he wasted a perfectly good can of Old Style.

Worst Scene: Probably Louise Lasser’s excruciatingly long phone conversations, which had none of the fun of the scene from Mary Hartman, Mary “The Hitman” Hartman when she found out her grandfather was a sex pervert.

Overall: I wasn’t expecting jack shit from this but I got slightly more than jack shit. Jonathan shit? It’s really not that awful aside from some horrendous acting. The kills are awesome and very gory, which keeps you interested. Plus it’s short! I wouldn’t put it in the hidden Jim category but if you like this kind of silly nonsense and you’ve seen everything else you could do worse.

Score: 5.5 Blowjobs from Garp’s Wife (out of 10)