Home Video Alert: The Angry Birds Movie

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The Angry Birds Movie (2016)

Angry Birds Movie blu-rayNew on home video today is The Angry Birds Movie which is about three birds who get incredibly high on PCP seed one morning and start ranting about how the liberal media negatively portrays them as being violent so they decide to take hostages at a local pet store and demand that all of their brothers and sisters in cages around the country be freed or they will start killing hostages one per hour and at first the police think they’re full of bird shit but when 60 minutes rolls by they peck the throat out of a man who was just in there to buy a replacement fish for his daughter’s fish that died and he was trying to get a fish that looked just like the original fish hoping she wouldn’t notice but now he’ll never know if that would have worked because he’s dead and the angry birds take his carcass to the roof of the pet store so their vulture brethren can come feed on it and they explain to the cops that they’re fucking serious and more will die if they don’t get what they want and the cops are panicked now because there are 82 more hostages inside the pet store because it’s a Saturday and it’s also one of those adoption days where they bring in all the cute dogs and cats but none of the dogs and cats do jack shit about the birds because most of them don’t give a fuck except for one hero cat named Pawl McCatney and he tries to pounce on one of the birds and injures the bird’s wing but that’s as far as he gets before the other birds tear him to shreds and it’s really pretty disgusting and they toss Pawl McCatney out into the street to show the cops that they’re fucking serious and before the cops can check Pawl McCatney for a pulse the vultures swoop down and carry it back to the roof and the lead cop throws his hat down in frustration and screams “MOTHER FUCKER!” and that gives him an idea so he has the mother of the leader bird brought to the scene and she tries to talk some sense into him but he doesn’t want to hear it and she says she brought him his favorite worm casserole and he can’t resist that so he goes outside to take a peck and Jesus H. Christ you’ve never seen so many fucking bullets fly at once and he’s just obliterated into a pile of goop in front of the pet store and all the cats left in the pet store avenge their friend Pawl McCatney by devouring every morsel of the other two birds but the birds were so high on PCP seed that the cats who eat them get high as shit too and start attacking everyone in the store and all 82 souls were lost but the vultures really ate well that day.

Own it today!

2 thoughts on “Home Video Alert: The Angry Birds Movie

  1. Pingback: Home Video Alert: Now You See Me 2; Money Monster | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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