The Forbidden Photos of a Lady Above Suspicion (1970)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: Blackmail, sex, cassette tapes, kinky girlfriends, some photos, and oddly enough suspicion.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film

• Giallo films definitely have a love affair with red heads.
• No offense to the master Ennio Morricone, but the score to this movie sounds like a PSA from 1976.
• The scene at the beach is filmed with more blue lighting than Smurf porn.
• Since when did knife throwing interpret as flirting?
• All of the drinking glasses in Giallos are exactly the same.
• There is a turtle in the bathroom.
• Both Peter and the blackmailer look like a creepier Craig T. Nelson. That is if that’s humanly possible
• Watching Giallos almost makes me want to start smoking again.
• I had that same Sanyo tape recorder in the late seventies. Just throwing it out there.
• Bondage never does it for me.
• This movie is actually kinda boring.
• ahsdjfg;akdfghjks;dfjs;kdhjgstr’jetsrasrteuy;auerdfjhblpiuy236234689p Shit. Sorry, I fell asleep on the keyboard. What’d I miss?
• Minou tells the blackmailer that she has $1000 for him, yet when he throws it up in the air it is clearly 1’s and 5’s.
• Unless she’s a never-nude, things cannot be going well when you’re wife starts showering with her clothes on.
• Dominique’s phone looks like a marital aid. I thought the scene was going in a completely different direction until the fucking thing rang.
• It can’t be good when a wife says that her husband has been like a father to her. I thought this movie was shot in Italy not rural Alabama. Then again, are there any parts of Alabama that aren’t rural?

Be sure to watch “Coach!” Only on Hulu.

Is It Actually Scary: Not in the slightest, a full-on drama/thriller.

Scariest Moment: When Craig T. Blackmailer stands outside Minou’s window and smiles at her. Puts every shot of Michael Myers to shame.

Hey, Marie Antoinette! You gonna pass the booze here or what?

Most Disturbing Moment: No matter what your country of origin is – watching white people dance will make you cringe harder than watching Celine Dion covering Metallica’s “Seek And Destroy.” Dennis Miller’d the shit out of that simile.

Dumbest Moment: When Minou’s turtle is blamed for a break-in. Give Donatello a break will ya? He forgot his key and had to come in through the downstairs window. It could happen to anyone – no need to call the gendarmes.

How Much Gore: The blood is so scarce in this movie, when it does show up it should have been credited as a cameo.

Best Line: “I’d have adored being violated.” Jesus. Get a hobby sweetheart.

If that is suspicion, she should look above it for sure.

Best Scene: Since this movie doesn’t have a helluva lot going on with it, I’d have to say the nude scenes are all tied for best scene.

Worst Scene: Definitely the ending. Both guys killed, a tear or two shed, then the girls go motoring. Does Minou not remember that she was involved in a blackmail plot? Ah the Hell with her and this movie.

Any Nudity: With a long-ass title like this, how could there not be any?

Overall: After reviewing a handful of Giallos so far, they’re starting to blend into one another at this point. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are quite good but the plots are almost inexorably the same at times. As cinematic sorbet, I think I’ll go back to slashers – stand by.

Score: 2.5 forbidden photos (out of 10)