Now You See Me 2 (2016)
New on home video today is Now You See Me 2 which picks up where the first Now You See Me left off where Jesse Eisenberg’s character’s eyes have been plucked out by birds and now he must complete the most deadly obstacle course known to man in order to collect money from the government for his blindness and the whole world tunes in on closed-circuit television to see him and laugh at his misfortune but right before he’s to perform he gets a coffee can full of toxic waste dumped on his head by a group of asshole teenagers so he of course develops super senses and miraculously makes it to the final stage of the course and no one has ever made it that far before but the last stage is the one sense he can’t enhance which is the sense of self-worth because he knows damn well he was the world’s worst shittiest actor/magician and no amount of toxic waste can wash that away so he just collapses and cries out of his bloody eye sockets and now the whole world sees him 2.
Money Monster (2016)
New on home video today is Money Monster which is a reimagining of Frankenstein in which Dr. Frankenstein makes a Frankenstein’s monster whose name is also Frankstenstein but instead of putting a brain in his skull he uses a two-dollar bill which makes the monster hungry for money and constantly searching for sound investments but it also makes him flamboyantly homosexual thus proving the old adage but the residents of a small village in Germany at the turn of the century just aren’t ready for the richest person in their town to be a gay zombie so they try to burn him but he wins them over with some super-solid financial advice and throws the most lavish party for the village’s bicentennial then everyone loves him except for Dr. Frankenstein who has grown jealous that his creation has overshadowed his brilliance with top-flight tax tips and impeccable fashion sense so he prepares to do battle with the monster but Frankenstein sits him down over some cosmopolitans and explains to him that he should invest his money in some low-cost index funds and Dr. Frankenstein gives it a shot and is very pleased with the return so they get married and live a very happy life until one day Dr. Frankenstein wants to buy a bratwurst but doesn’t have any cash on him so he bashes his husband over the head and retrieves the two dollars and we fade to black as he finishes his bratwurst and it begins to dawn on him what he’s done.
Hard Ticket to Home Video 