TRICK OR TREAT (1986)

By guest Schlocker Jim

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: Alex Keaton’s best friend Skippy is now a frustrated metal-head who just doesn’t fit in with the cool cats at his school. His hero is Sammi Curr whose metal is quite good, but his afterlife motives, shall we say, are not as much so. Sammi goes on to haunt poor Eddie (Skippy) through the obviously inherent evil of metal – and a lot of hijinks ensue.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Opening the film with a narration about Satan? Fucking PMRC.
• Holy shit, this was directed by Charles Martin Smith, the little accountant dude from “The Untouchables.” I thought I had a follow-up joke to that but was wrong.
• Eddie’s bedroom looks almost exactly like mine did in 1986.
• Rock’s chosen warriors will rule the apocalypse? C’mon – I loved rock my whole life and I was never that melodramatic about it.
• Airheads and brain-deads are everywhere and who needs them? OK, that I agree with.
• The teacher condemning rock music on the TV was none other than Large Marge from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Again, no follow up joke.
• The 80’s were way too full of blonde bullies with moderate mullets. Looking at you William Zabka.
• Jesus, we’re only 4 ½ minutes into this film and Eddie has suffered more torture than Weird Science, The Breakfast Club, and Some Kind Of Wonderful combined.
• So Sammi Curr went to the same high school as Eddie, and that is part of the reason why he worships him so much. Martha Quinn went to my high school and I couldn’t give 1/10th of 1 rat’s ass.
• Whoa! That Love Gun poster that Eddie rips down after hearing about Sammi’s death would be worth at least $350 today.
• As I have previously mentioned, I was very upset when I heard the news of Ronnie James Dio’s passing – but I didn’t destroy my fucking bedroom.
• Fucking Gene Simmons cameo.
• When Gene had his hair short he looked like a crooked diamond merchant.
• Gee, is the hot chick setting Eddie up by inviting him to an after-hours pool party?
• The door to the community pool was kept open with a Jim Bean bottle, just in case you didn’t realize that these kids take partying to an almost esoteric level.
• Sammi’s last LP was entitled, “Songs In The Key Of Death.” Oh, fuck you.

• Backwards messaging. That old gag. Did people who just read one religious pamphlet on what heavy metal allegedly did to kids write the screenplay?
• Wow, the hot chick with a heart of gold is trying way too hard for reconciliation.
• Christ, this chase scene is going on forever. How big is this fucking school?
• The jocks have made fun of Eddie because he wasn’t athletic, but he is out-running every single one of them by at least 20 paces.
• I know this movie is serious metal, Eddie reads Hit Parader.
• If Eddie keeps scratching records at this rate, this is gonna turn into a rap movie.
• iPods are truly awesome, but I do miss Walkmans.
• The set-up where the Tim almost gets a drill press through his eye was actually very cool.
• Looking back, I can honestly say that in all my years of metal, I have never worn a leather studded collar or bracelet.
• Why was the sound effect of a tape being played backwards used for when the vinyl record is played backwards?
• FUCKING OZZY OSBOURNE CAMEO!
• Ozzy so wanted to say “fuck” during one of his lines.
• “Nail ‘em all, nail ‘em all. Fuck ‘em!” Sammi should write for the cheerleading squad.
• You would think that when the Pepsi spilled onto the demonic vinyl it would have fixed all of the skips on it.
• The scene when Sammi finally materializes in front of Eddie is very reminiscent of the movie Brainscan.
• The comic element in this movie is failing miserably.
• Sammi pulls Large Marge out of the TV and she turns into a burnt up cabbage patch doll. Well, it was the 80’s don’t forget.
• Whodini is playing on the sound system at the Halloween dance? This is a metal movie thank you very much.
• Julie is dressed as Barbara Eden’s genie and wants to listen to Judas Priest – I should have married her.
• 90% of the budget of this film was clearly spent on this possessed car scene.
• Completely unnecessary director’s cameo here at the Halloween party. He is wearing a Groucho schnoz though, so you know – it’s funny.

• The Kickers are the live band for the dance and they suck like an airplane toilet. That is until Sammi chokes the guitarist, jumps out of a Marshall amp, and really shows these guys how we do things downtown.
• A quick background check on the actor who plays Sammi reveals that he was once a Solid Gold dancer. He can do flips and his lip-synching is flawless, so yeah I can see that.
• Now Sammi is shooting lightning bolts out of his guitar and killing people in the audience. Ace Frehley did that in 1977 but without the carnage of course.
• OK, this is turning into the prom from Carrie now.
• Will Tim just fucking get killed already?
• Thank you.
• Some of these effects are pretty damn good.
• Why are the most incompetent cops in films always mustached?
• Well, that cop died with his boots on. That’s an Iron Maiden reference right there.
• OK, this movie really needs to end now.
• The exterior of Eddie’s house looks a lot like the building that housed the clock tower in Back To The Future. I’m actually getting too tired to make another Michael J. Fox/Family Ties joke.
• Eddie seems to be way too old to have his voice crack when he screams.
• Never call a metal musician a fucking wimp poser. That was Riki Rachtman.
• Eddie puts the cassette on in the car, and then drives off a bridge and that kills Sammi. You know what, I don’t give a shit how stupid that is – the movie’s finally over.
• For some reason here at the movie’s end, I have The Scorpions’ “No One Like You” stuck in my head. Weird.

Scare Volume: Turned down very low – this is too cheesy to be scary.

Gore Volume: Some melted ears, Sammi has half of his face Freddy Krueger’d, and Tim’s head explodes.

Nudity Volume: Some boobage when Sammi’s spirit takes off one of the girl’s clothes.

Best Kill: When Sammi plugs his finger into a wall socket while choking Tim and “Scanners” his head.

Best Scene: When Tim confronts Eddie at his house, and Eddie puts his hand up like a Jedi while the flames in the jack o lanterns shoot up about 3 feet.

Worst Scene: When Sammi gets temporarily weakened by tripping and getting his arm stuck in a toilet bowl.

Best Lyric: “Hey! You got ears dildo?” I’ve never come into contact with one, but I can say with some certainty that they don’t.

How ’bout the Tunes: The band responsible for the soundtrack was Fastway, and none other than “Fast” Eddie Clarke, formerly of Motorhead fronted them. So yeah, they kick a lot of ass.

Band Rating: Since Simmons and Ozzy had cameos in this movie you would think that they would show up somewhere on the soundtrack. They don’t, but that’s OK because Fastway totally rocked the proverbial house down with their tunes. Goes To Eleven!

Overall: A definitely enjoyable one. Even as a teenager I laughed at teenage angst, and didn’t become miserable until my thirties – but I was one of the long-hairs in school and I can somewhat empathize with the film’s hero. I didn’t talk back to my records, I didn’t burn down a school dance – I had fun. And as Arthur Bach once brilliantly stated, “Isn’t fun the best thing to have?”

Score: 7 Arms in Toilets (out of 10)