Wishmaster (1997)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: An evil djinn is set free in “modern” day and tricks people into wishing for stuff that kills them

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• Here it is, a horror movie featuring Robert Englund where he’s not playing a pedophilic burn victim. This just wasn’t acceptable in the ’90s.
• FEAR THE DJINN
• I’ve referred to the power of djinns in True or False Trivia before so this should be right up my alley. You can choose to believe that or not.
• This movie doesn’t pussyfoot around with the gore right off the bat.
• The djinn is trapped in a gem. I guess lamps are passé?
• In modern times, Freddy Kreuger is pretending to be an archaeologist in what I assume is some nefarious dream plot of his. Meanwhile, a guy gets crushed by a big box. Inside the box is a bust. Inside the bust is the djinn gem.
• Robert Englund was a pretty shitty actor away from Elm Street.
• However, there’s another guy, Chris Lemmon, who makes Robert Englund look like Bryan Cranston.
• Girls high school basketball. Still more interesting than Near Dark.
• The reborn djinn looks like a gremlin, Swamp Thing and a Xenomorph all in one.
• Red!
  
• Is that Reggie from Phantasm?
• It’s cold djinn time again. You know he always wins.
• Walking down the street, smoking endo, sipping on djinn and juice.
• The lead girl, Alex, was traumatized by not being able to save her parents from a house fire, yet she leaves candles burning by her bed while she sleeps. That’s just fucking stupid, horrific fire experience or no.
• I’m willing to bet the soul of Brad’s dick that this movie ends in a blaze.

• Oh hey in Freddy’s Hall of Antiquities is a statue of Pazuzu!

  

  Right next to Jobu and son.
• So the djinn goes back to the morgue and steals the face of a guy he killed. Couldn’t he have done that when he killed him before?
• Has anyone ever used the phrase “sleeping with him/her” in real life? Seems impossible.
• Ok, the djinn makeup actually looked pretty good before, now he’s wearing that dude’s skin and it’s significantly less cool.
• Why are Alex and this folklore professor talking about the djinn like it’s real? They have no idea that djinns exist.
• The djinn is all-powerful but needs to ask the cops for Alexandra’s address?
• “Also he has all these powers, you’d think he’d fix his skin.” -my wife
• Jason Voorhees!
• I haven’t seen so much smoking in one movie since Smokey and the Bandit.
• Most of these djinn screwing people over for their wishes scenes are actually pretty funny.
• Nearly 3/4s through and I’m still not sure what the djinn wants with Alex.
• At least we’re back to the djinn makeup.
• I guess Alex gets three wishes because she “rubbed” the djinn’s “jewel.”
• The djinn also reminds me of the Creeper from Jeepers Creepers, but this movie isn’t nearly that terrible.
• The Candyman!
  
• The djinn makes all hell break loose at a a party at the archaeology museum. There’s living statues and paintings for killing. It’s a lot like Waxwork, sans Zach Galligan.
• Why doesn’t she just wish him to be banished back into the gem?
• Ok, she actually kind of cleverly undoes everything. Even the statues explode, which is a bonus.

Is It Actually Scary: It’s about as scary as watching Aladdin while wearing headphones with the sound at full blast.

How Much Gore: Quite a bit. The director was an effects man by trade and showcased some excellent gore here.

Best Scene: All right, maybe the statues don’t look all that fantastic, but still, this is pretty cool, even though they rip off Poltergeist II a bit.

Worst Scene: The acting of Chris Lemmon (Nick, the guy with the gold chain in this clip), who appears to have gotten lost on his way to the set of a piss porn film. If he looks a little familiar, that is because he is, shamefully, Jack Lemmon’s son.

Any Nudity: I wish…

Overall: The oddest thing about this movie is that it was made in 1997, which seems about 6 years too late. While on the surface it seems like just another hokey ’90s horror trying too suck some magic off the Nightmare on Elm St. series (or maybe Leprechaun to a lesser extent), it’s actually a fun movie with clever kills and a decent plot and a lot of cool little winks to horror fans. I especially liked the way the djinn was defeated, but they diminish it a little bit with the epilogue stinger that’s a shoehorned sequel setup. Andrew Divoff, who plays the djinn, seems sort of perfect for this role and does a great job, a little bit like Billy Zane in Demon Knight, but more subtle and creepy. Worth your time if you like ’90s mythical slasher horror.

Score: 7 busted wishes (out of 10)