Mirth Madness 2014: Opening Round – Group 1

Welcome to the opening round of the first-ever second Mirth Madness! All of your favorite funnymen, women and things are here together, along with many participants who will make you scratch your head at their inclusion! So buckle your funny belt and vote, VOTE, VOTE!

TODAY’S MATCH-UPS

Steve Stifler (American Pie franchise)	Wendy Williams (Porky’s franchise)
Quote: “I say, why don’t you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking use them!”	Quote: “Hey waiter! Put shit-face’s drink here on Commissioner Gebhart’s bill! For piss-sake he’s up for re-election next week, you think he needs this shit?”

Brick Tamland (Anchorman franchise)	Derek Zoolander (Zoolander)
Quote: “I’m Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks. Years later, a doctor will tell me that I have an I.Q. of 48 and am what some people call mentally retarded.”	Quote: “I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.”

Thornton Melon (Back To School)	Dark Helmet (Spaceballs)
Quote: “Hi there. Are you a large person? Pleasantly plump? A little on the hefty side, perhaps? Well, let’s face it: Are you FAT? When you go jogging, do you leave pot-holes? When you make love, do you have to give directions? At the zoo, do the elephants throw YOU peanuts? Do you look at a menu and say ‘OK’? Well, now, you can eat all you want, because at Thornton Melon’s “Tall & Fat” stores, we’ve got you covered. That’s right. Fine woolen, and woolen-blend suits and sport coats, in all the larger sizes – husky, stout, extra-stout, and the new Hindenburg line. And for you ladies we have caftans, muumuus, and our own exclusive A-frame in all colors and patterns. Yes, we have miles and miles of fabric. So take it from me, Thornton Melon, if you want to look thin, you hang out with fat people.”	Quote: “So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”

Marcus (Bad Santa)	Ted (Ted)
Quote: “You are by far the dumbest, most pathetic piece of maggot eatin’ shit that has every slid from a human being’s hairy ass.”	Quote: “I look like something you give to your kid when you tell ’em Grandma died.”

Judge Elihu Smails (Caddyshack)	Judge Alvin ‘J.P’ Valkenheiser (Nothing But Trouble)
Quote: “I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.”	Quote: “Y’know, you are worse than a week of yellow shitstorms.”

Randal Graves (Clerks)	Rudy Russo (Used Cars)
Quote: “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.”	Quote: “Come on down to New Deal used cars and squeeze on us!”

Dr. Michael Hfuhruhurr (The Man With Two Brains)	Dr. Strangelove (Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb)
Quote: “Ladies and gentlemen, I can envision a day when the brains of brilliant men can be kept alive in the bodies of dumb people.”	Quote: “Sir! I have a plan! Mein Führer! I can walk!”

Oda Mae Brown (Ghost)	Dr. Peter Venkman (Ghostbusters)
Quote: “Why don’t you go haunt a house? Rattle some chains or something.”	Quote: “We came, we saw, we kicked its ass!”