Subject: The Hurt Locker and Moon

I just thought you’d all enjoy this movie-based email exchange we had once:

BRIAN: I watched The Hurt Locker last night. It was ok, didn’t really knock my balls off. It doesn’t really have a plot.

BRAD: Hurt Locker. Another mediocre Best Picture winner. People will forget about it in 5 years like A Beautiful Mind and Million Dollar Baby.

BRIAN: And there wasn’t one locker in the entire movie.

Somewhere in here is the plot of The Hurt Locker.

Somewhere in here is the plot of The Hurt Locker.

BRAD:  Watching The Hurt Locker made me confused why so many insurgents put bombs in the most random spots. Seriously, that roadside is empty. The embassy scene was the only one that made sense. Are the insurgents that dumb or not that crafty or sneaky about where to put their bombs? And why risk a soldier’s life to disarm a pointless bomb? And I love how the bomb detonator would watch as the soldier would disarm his bomb and then just try to walk away. If the soldier is ruining my bomb that I worked so hard to hide in the dirt in the middle of nowhere I would at least try to blow him up! Kinda dumb.

And that scene with the snipers was pointless as there were no bombs at all for our hero to disarm. Why bother with a scene where our hero has nothing to do but drink Capri Sun and keep the U.S. sniper company? If it showed how inept he was in combat as opposed to how skillful and collected he is in front of a bomb then that would be more interested. It took the wind out of the film slightly.

BRIAN: I really didn’t understand the scene where they were in the middle of the desert setting off bombs, and Hurt Locker goes back for his gloves, and his friend wants to blow him up. What were they blowing up, and why, and how did they get to the point where they wanted to murder him?

And yeah I agree, in the scene with the 5 bombs why didn’t that guy set them off?  And that scene with the snipers, why didn’t they just riddle that bunker with those giant bullets?  That scene dragged on way too long.

And apparently Hurt Locker cares more about disarming bombs in Iraq than his son?

BRAD: I think at that point they were annoyed with Hurt Locker and thought he was too dangerous to work with but yeah kill him; overreact much? And that same scene I took it as a bomb disarming training thing. But after disarming 800+ bombs does he really need more training?

I wanted to see more of the bomb disarming robots! Now that’s a movie!

If you're going to disarm bombs, you should do it with class.

If you’re going to disarm bombs, you should do it with class.

BRIAN: Yeah I assumed it was like a test thing, but yeah I think he had the whole disarming thing down cold by then. And the scene where he went after the boy’s family or whatever was confusing and unnecessary too. That movie was basically 6 bomb disarming scenes with not much holding them together. There could have at least been like a main bomber guy who gets pissed at Hurt Locker for fucking his plans up so he fucks with him. Maybe when they take away that crybaby soldier the bad guy could have rigged that bomb with the locks onto that guy to fuck with Hurt Locker, and when the vest blew up and killed him you actually might care, instead of it being just some random Iraqi guy. There could have been a note on the vest that said, “Looks like you’ve been LOCKED out, Hurt Locker!”

BRAD: Brilliant. Seriously. From the director of Point Break, she should’ve made THIS movie.

BRIAN: And the main bad guy turns out to be David Morse! It’s a fucking cat and mouse game with explosive consequences! AND RODRIGO OBREGON AS SADDAM HUSSEIN’S GHOST.

REVISION: [Hurt Locker reads the note]

Note: “Looks like you’ve been, LOCKED out!  Does it HURT?”
Hurt Locker: “He knows my name…….”

THE NEXT DAY…

BRAD: Finished Moon last night. Maybe b/c it was late last night and I was tired but I didn’t notice the plot hole you mentioned.

BRIAN: The plot hole is, why did they need to clone Sam at all? Why didn’t they just rotate a normal person every 3 years? That company is obviously the biggest, most powerful company on the planet, they couldn’t just pay people to rotate a shift on the moon every year or so? It seems like that would be more cost-effective and much much much simpler than an entire cloning operation. And it didn’t seem like Sam’s job was all that hard, so there didn’t seem to be any reason why it HAD to be him doing it. So what was the point? And why not a 3 or 4 person crew? But if you don’t think about that, great flick.

"Uh, Houston, why am I doing this entire job by myself, over?"

“Uh, Houston, why am I doing this entire job by myself, over?”

BRAD: I did think about that, why clone one man for a meager lunar job? He basically drove a lunar module and made sure the mining trucks did their job. He couldn’t [or wasn’t allowed to] even fix the communications antennae. And wouldn’t they run out of clones eventually? Why did GERTY assist him in everything? I thought he would be like HAL from 2001 and be his adversary but that droid tried to stop him maybe once before Sam tricked him. He was basically akin to a Italian mother constantly asking him if he was hungry, tired or feeling well. “Sam, put on your coat, it’s cold out there.”

And 3 years is a long time. I would go fucking crazy up there with my only companion is a computer and the only thing to watch is Nick at Nite [huh?]. They should have had a multi-person team. What if he did go crazy and destroyed things….

….Maybe that’s why they cloned that particular guy. Maybe he was the least likely to go bonkers all alone on the moon and could do a great job up there. Why risk the station and facilities if one asshole could botch it all up.

BRIAN: Yeah but that’s why you could have like 4 people do a 6 month shift, then you wouldn’t have to clone, block communications, all that shit. Ponderous. Oh and the biggest company on Earth wouldn’t have to risk a scandal that would bring them down. Terribly ponderous.

BRAD: It would cost millions just to lug 4 people every 6 months to the moon!!

Actually I just thought of a good point. How many capable astronauts are there in the US? Not only do you need a good worker you need an astronaut capable of space travel. I’m sure that’s not an easy role to fill every 6 months unless you have 8-12 astronauts and they rotate every half-year.

Now we’re just thinking like Isaac Asimov. Too technical. It was a solid picture and I think Rockwell should’ve been nominated for more acting awards.

BRIAN: Ok, every 2 years then. I’m sure with all that it took to set the whole thing up space travel wouldn’t be that hard, especially since the guys who came for the rescue were there within several hours, so they must have astronauts everywhere.

I’m thinking better than Isaac Asimov ever did. You’re right though, it was a great picture and Sam Rockwell should have at least been nominated.

But you've got me in the sideburns department, Asimov, you son of a bitch...

But you’ve got me in the sideburns department, Asimov, you son of a bitch…

15 thoughts on “Subject: The Hurt Locker and Moon

  1. Pingback: Reel Quick: Arrival (2016) | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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