The last time we saw Michael Winslow, he was playing the guy who does the voices in all of the Police Academy movies and nothing else. Did you know that he’s also a stand-up comedian? He’s not, but he has a stand-up comedy special called Michael Winslow Live in which he does numerous voices weaved into “jokes” so weak that a 20-week fetus could beat them in an MMA bout.
This special popped up as I was browsing Netflix Instant one day, and naturally I was drawn to it out of morbid curiosity. I expected it to be pretty bad, but I didn’t expect it to be the soul-shattering experience it turned out to be. Watching even 5 minutes of it will leave you frazzled, and searching for answers. The following are 3 reasons you should and 3 reasons you shouldn’t watch Michael Winslow Live:
Reasons You Should Watch It
- It will allow you to conquer any discussion about the most unfunny and sobering thing you’ve ever seen in your life. For instance, if you’re talking to someone whose job it is to slaughter the puppies that they process into the pepperoni used at Pizza Hut, you can trump whatever they have to say by explaining how you sat through Michael Winslow’s anecdotal “joke” about using his Gremlin voice on telemarketers.
- It will make all of the decisions that you’ve made in life that you’ve questioned seem totally justifiable in comparison to Michael Winslow.
- You’ll belong to a very exclusive club. I can’t imagine that there are more than 30 people who have ever sat through Michael Winslow Live. It’s just not possible. There’s no way more people than that have said, “Hey, let’s watch this tonight.” and viewed the entire show. I’m certain 96% of people turned it off right around the time he starts talking about having a minuscule voiceover role in a Terminator attraction at Universal Studios Florida.
Reasons You Shouldn’t Watch It
- It will seriously destroy your mood. Even if you hit the lottery and witnessed the birth of your first child that day, if you watch Michael Winslow Live you’re guaranteed to go to bed bummed out and with your head spinning.
- You could be spending your time better doing literally anything else. Documenting raindrop patterns outside or counting the number of hairs in your beard are less of a waste of time.
- You will lose faith in humanity. Because although Michael Winslow’s act is apoplectically bad, some people in his audience are laughing. Not all, but some. And that alone is enough to make your brain split in half wondering if mankind is truly hopeless.