My Demon Lover (1987)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s This About: Denny can’t find a good man so she has to settle for the ninth lead on Family Ties.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• I always love in a movie when they’re filming a scene of someone walking down a city street and there are real people just clearly staring at them because they couldn’t afford a closed set.
  
• So this blonde girl Denny’s boyfriend steals all of her stuff out of her apartment because she threw herself a birthday party. I’m on his side, she seems kind of annoying.
• Scott Valentine plays Kaz, the titular demon lover, who irritatingly plays the sax and yells random bullshit on the subway. It’s a nice realistic touch that everyone ignores him. Then he grows demon teeth and seemingly murders a woman.
• Denny and her sexy Latina friend Sonia have a conversation about man trouble in a bar for 107 minutes.
• Maybe Denny has trouble with men because she wears her pants above her nipples.
• Another demon murder. Reporters hound the police chief and one reporter says it could be a Coke Weirdo, which would be an amazing name for a movie.
• Hey it’s Lynn Shaye! How did she get cast in this Robert Shaye production? 
• Larry Bud Melman!
• The only scene I remember from this movie when I watched it on home video when I was 10 is this scene of Kaz waking up in the garbage next to Denny while she’s eating. I guess it left quite an impression on me, because I’ve slept in the garbage ever since.

“Are you gonna finish that Schlocktoberfest?”

• I understand Kaz is a demon but he also seems like a serial sexual assaulter. Maybe one day he’ll be president.
• Kaz saves Denny from her ex-boyfriend who stole her shit. His demon makeup looks worse than Gene Simmons after a night of orally pleasuring a dozen groupies from Alabama.
• Kaz sleeps over on Denny’s couch and she puts on a sheer nighty, just what any girl would do when a strange bum is staying at her apartment.
• So the movie is making it seem like Kaz is going out and attacking women at night while in demon form but clearly it’s not him and it’s some other demon or sexual pervert or both.
• I remember Scott Valentine being Mallory’s dumb boyfriend Nick on Family Ties and it seemed like he was being primed for success but it never happened, probably primarily because this movie made people think he was an actual demon, because he’s so convincing.
• A lovely NYC date montage, but clearly Denny has to be the one paying for all this because Kaz is a homeless and has no money. Maybe instead of a bunch of balloons she should buy him a clean shirt.
• So a street gypsy named Fixer shows Kaz that Kaz was cursed to demonism by a Romanian grandmother who cursed him for kissing her granddaughter.
• He has a scar on his tummy and Fixer gives him a ton of exposition about if he gets stabbed there with flint it will kill him and the demon and then something about him passing the demon on to a loved one but I kind of zoned out.
• Oh Kaz has clean clothes now. Good for him, but did that come out of the balloon fund?
• It’s nice that Denny is falling for Kaz, but he’s still a homeless guy with no job. Not that they’re bad people in general but not ideal boyfriend material.
• This horniness demon curse is actually a pretty good premise. And a good metaphor for how I’ve lived my life up to this point.
  
• Kaz explained he’s a pizotski (sic)? Couldn’t he just say demon?
• I wish Rob Halford was the star of this movie and sang, “I’m your deeemonnnn lover!”
• Kaz turns into a demon while he’s making it with Denny but this time he looks like Newt Gingrich for some reason. Why does he always look different?

This is definitely a category on PornHub.

• Sonia’s sister was attacked by the bad demon and Sonia has visions of it. This seems unnecessary, but I’ll take more Sonia.
• Kaz thinks he’s the Mangler (the press name for the bad demon) like he can’t remember things when he’s in demon form, even though he’s demonstrated at least twice now that he totally can.
• For some reason there’s an annoying nerdy lawyer named Chuck who is constantly at this bar that looks like a Pizza Hut, and if he doesn’t turn out to be the Mangler I’ll eat at a Pizza Hut.
• Kaz’s eyes glow demon red while he’s staring at Sonia’s boobies. I’m sure mine are too I just can’t see them.
• Speaking of which while Denny is no Elvira I don’t think she’s worn a bra this entire movie.
• Fortunately the consignment shop Sonia works at has a convenient demon slayer dagger on the wall behind the cash register.
• Denny is so desperately horny she’s making out with Kaz even though she knows he’ll turn into a demon and now he looks totally different. Did Fixer explain this looking different before?
• Uh, Kaz rams his head into a wall and comes back out now looking like Jim Carrey in Dumb & Dumber. Denny says, “He’s the date that wouldn’t leave.” Why is this happening? I think it’s like testing Denny with bad dating tropes or something? This could be a little clearer.
  
• Now he’s a nagging old woman, so Denny smashes him in the face and it explodes like a pumpkin. Then he does kind of a The Thing thing. I don’t get it, but I like it.
  

• Sonia takes Chuck the lawyer for some reason, gets Denny to leave her apartment, and goes to kill Kaz with the dagger.
• Oh Chuck’s the other demon. I’m shocked, and not because he was basically the only other male character and Sonia inexplicably brought him with her.
  
• Chuck takes off with Denny but Kaz jumps on the car to stop him and Sonia jumps on the car to kill Kaz. They end up in a pond and Sonia is wet.
• Where the hell did they go? Chuck takes Denny to a giant castle. But they stayed in the city. Is this Central Park?? Would they let a guy have a torture castle on public property?
• Oh Chuck isn’t a demon just a psycho murderer with a chloroform demon glove? K.
• Sonia makes out with Kaz to get him to turn into a demon so he can save Denny. I was hoping she’d just flash him her boobs.
• Seems like Sonia and Kaz are enjoying this a lot, which kind of puts a damper on him going to save Denny, the love of his life.
• Did they literally have sex? Fully clothed? This is weird.

Double penetration. (sorry)

• Kaz flies up to the balcony and Denny is rightfully upset that he just banged her friend.
• I still don’t understand Chuck in this gigantic medieval castle if he’s just a killer?
• Oh, he is a demon with Superman’s super breath. Why didn’t he do this shit earlier? And why the fake demon glove?
  
• Haha Chuck was cursed by that Romanian grandmother, too, because he tried to make out with her granddaughter. There could be hundreds of demons running around the city then!
  
• There are also lots of police there, why don’t they just try to shoot Chuck? Even if they knew it wouldn’t do much?
  
• Oh so if Kaz does something noble whoever closest to him would get the curse. Define noble, though. He did save Denny from her boyfriend earlier. Would helping an old lady cross the street or fostering a rescue dog also work?
  
• Fixer is now a demon. He’s going to nail anything that moves. Again!
• So Fixer was the person closest to Kaz? Did they mean proximity then, not emotionally?
• I love that Larry Bud Melman gets his own credit at the end.

Was it Entertaining:

Any Good Gore: A nonstop splatterfest… of romance!

Any Nudity: Despite the premise being demon sex, nothing. They couldn’t have paid Sonia juuuust a little more money for the demon sex scene?

Best Quote: Random bum to Denny: “Hey lady, you remind me of my wife! Fat bitch…”

Best Scene: Definitely the Lynn Shaye/Larry Bud Melman double demon cameo.

Worst Part: The first scene with Kaz on the subway makes him seem 97% more irritating than he actually is in the rest of the movie.

Final Thoughts: I didn’t have a ton of positive remarks in the notes, but this picture actually isn’t half bad. It’s very very dumb, but hey, it was the ’80s. It’s overall pretty charming, and the two leads are likeable (after a rough start), and has some fairly good makeup effects. It may not be something you watch repeatedly but it’s a nice little movie that has romance for the guys and demons for the gals. And, for this, my last Schlocktoberfest entry ever, the last quote from my dad, that I remember him saying after watching this in 1987: “That was a pretty good flick.”

Score: 6.5 Horny Demons (out of 10)