Home Video Alert: Finding Dory


Finding Dory (2016)

finding-dory-blu-rayNew on home video today is Finding Dory which is a sequel to Gremlins that finally answers the question of what happened to Dorry of Dorry’s Tavern because he’s nowhere to be found during the scene in which the gremlins take over Dorry’s Tavern and make Kate serve them even though the watered-down beers would have made them multiply instantly but whatever so the next day after Stripe is dead and the town is recovering from the gremlin attack Kate and Billy set out to find Dorry but all of the townspeople they interrogate don’t know where he is and their interrogation methods become more and more barbaric and gruesome until finally after waterboarding and placing bamboo shoots under Gerald’s fingernails he reveals that he found Dorry’s severed man penis laying in Dorry’s reserved parking space behind the tavern and he ate a little of it to try to gain some of Dorry’s power and Billy thinks he’s lying because how could they possibly know that penis was actually Dorry’s but Kate takes a look at it after Gerald removes it from his jacket and confirms beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is indeed Dorry’s penis and while Billy is wondering how she knows this information Gerald breaks the cyanide capsule in his tooth to commit suicide but since he ate part of Dorry’s penis his body has grown immune to poison and he laughs and Billy asks him what’s so funny but before he can answer a gremlin bursts through his chest killing him and it snatches the severed penis out of Kate’s hands and runs down the street and Billy and Kate give chase and the gremlin leads them right to Dorry’s house but it slips on some ice and falls cracking its head open on the sidewalk and Kate brings her boot down on its face finishing the job and Billy is about to remark how anticlimactic that was when Kate says they should burn the penis in Dorry’s fireplace because that’s what he would have wanted so they go inside and start a fire but they hear screaming from the chimney so they look up it and see Dorry stuck in there which freaks Kate out because that’s how her dumbass dad died so she throws herself into the fire but Billy is too badly shaken up by what’s going on to save her but Dorry manages to pee the fire out and save Kate’s life even though she’s very badly burned and Billy snaps out of it and wonders how Dorry could have peed on the fire if his penis was gone and Dorry reveals that one of the gremlins was a brilliant surgeon and he performed gender reassignment surgery on Dorry last night in exchange for all the beer the gremlins could drink and now he’s living his life as a woman and demands not to be called Dorry anymore but Dory and Billy says that doesn’t make much sense and Dory says neither does getting stuck in a chimney and they both have a hearty laugh while Kate just lays in a dirty puddle of ashes and urine.

Own it today!

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