Home Video Alert: The Peanuts Movie


The Peanuts Movie (2015)

The Peanuts Movie Blu-rayNew on home video today is The Peanuts Movie which tells the story of a boy named Peanuts who is called that because every single person in his town hates his guts and they’re always playing cruel pranks on him in an attempt to get him to either leave town or kill himself because they just hate him that much mostly because he’s depressed all the time but maybe he’s depressed all the time because they won’t stop fucking with him who knows it’s like a chicken and egg thing and he earned the name Peanuts because one day everyone in town took turns peeing on a pile of peanuts and they all hid in the bushes and watched him eat them all even the shells and then they all jumped out and pointed at him laughing and yelling “Pee-nuts! Pee-nuts” and all he could do was curl up into a ball and cry for 6 weeks straight so one day he finally snaps which nobody took into account because they didn’t think he was capable of virtually anything but snap he does and he enlists the aid of his anthropomorphic dog who everybody also seems to hate for no real reason but Peanuts knows that the dog has turned his doghouse into a weapon capable of destroying the town so together they take to the skies in his flying doghouse and rain napalm on all the townsfolk and the secret ingredient in the dog’s napalm is pee so Peanuts has the last laugh and after the town is nothing but ash Peanuts shoots the dog in the head because he doesn’t want to leave any witnesses but the dog is the only one who can properly fly the doghouse and it’s still loaded down with explosives so Peanuts plummets several hundred feet to the earth knowing his fate is sealed and he’s so scared that he streams pee the entire way down and when he hits the ground it’s the biggest explosion in human history and in the months that follow tourists flock to see the crater it left and pay tribute to the boy by throwing peanuts into the crater and peeing on them.

Own it today!


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