Hard Ticket to Home Video Classic: Chatterbox

Chatterbox (1977)

Chatterbox poster

Trailer:

Brian: To my knowledge, this is the only movie to feature a talking vagina other than the cantina scene in Star Wars.

cantina walrus

Just don’t call him a pussy.

Not to be confused with a talking c-word movie, which would be anything starring Paris Hilton.

Chatterbox isn’t necessarily horrible, but it’s by no means good. It’s really just a 90-minute platform for sex puns. But it does take balls to make a movie about a sentient vagina. The plot is that a hairstylist, Penny, suddenly finds that her vagina, named Virginia, is talking during sex with her boyfriend. Turns out it can also sing as well, so Penny hooks up with a psychiatrist/agent and tours the country. But while Virginia craves attention, Penny seems to want no part of the limelight.

"I can barely hear you. Your voice is muffled!"

“I can barely hear you. Your voice is muffled!”

That’s the part of the movie that really doesn’t work, there is no real character development for Penny. From beginning to end she’s uncomfortable with the situation, at times seeming to loosen up but then goes right back to being embarrassed. The psychiatrist essentially forces her to perform the vagina concerts, when she could probably just walk away. It’s like she’s being held hostage.

Virginia’s songs are… interesting. With titles like “Wang Dang Doodle,” I’m surprised they didn’t bleed into popular culture. Is Virginia writing these songs too?

Play some Skynyrd, man!

Play some Skynyrd, man!

How Virginia is suddenly able to talk is left a mystery, but you have to wonder if she’s able to talk and think, does that mean Penny has a small brain in her uterus? It’s notable that the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynecologists dismiss this movie as “implausible.”

Brad: Oh how it would’ve been bliss to be born 15 years earlier!! A film like Chatterbox would never ever get made today without Vivid or Wicked making it. And other than Penny being topless 60% of the film this was a surprisingly tame movie. All the innuendo that Virginia spouted out is no more lewd than most jokes on prime time TV these days. I’ve heard worse sexual jokes on Two and Half Men. I’m debating about asking my mom if she and my dad ever saw Chatterbox back in ’77 and what she thought of it. And if she watched it today she’d probably think it was harmless good fun.

I don’t want to get too political with a movie such as Chatterbox but I wonder what most middle-aged ladies thought of this movie back in 1977? Were they appalled by the premise or did they find it very amusing. I cannot assume that most women thought it was a great idea. The whole movie Penny is exploited because her vagina talks and sings and Penny (who, I guess, can dance somewhat as her only discernible talent) is put on display basically against her will. It’s the age-old dilemma of women being exploited for their bodies and not their minds. It’s what Hefner and Flynt are attacked for since the dawn of pornography publications and frankly it is a bit odd that even as late as 1977 there’s a movie about the trials and tribulations of a singing vagina who wants to be a star. On the other hand, if you really think about it and want to play devil’s advocate, making the vagina the pop star sensation is attempting in a chauvinistic way to point out that vaginas are special. Vaginas are important and should be more respected for the wonders they are. For a short tube of flesh that gives birth to babies, yeah it is a big deal. They are just as if not more important than penises for the role they provide in human physiology. Of course if this was the main drive for this film they completely went in a different direction making it a spoof, having Rip Taylor cameo and calling it “Chatterbox.”

Let her Rip!

Let her Rip!

Its also worth mentioning that since Penny cannot escape the fame of having a talking/singing vagina she plans to kill herself. So the message here is if girls ever have issues with their lady parts one solution is offing oneself. Great message really. And the only thing that saves her is when she discovers that her ex-boyfriend’s penis can also talk and sing! What a minute, you say? Right, the guy she was with all along and left her because Virginia constantly mocked and criticized the boyfriend’s sexual performance also has a communicating little fella. I’m assuming it happened after he left her in between her touring the countryside as the famed singing vagina. So essentially they are made for each other because they are both freaks.

I don't get it...

I don’t get it…

So this was made in 1977. It will take another 11 years before the talking penis movie makes it to screens with “Me and Him.” Directed by a woman to boot! This is a case of reverse sexism really. Its OK to greenlight a talking vagina movie but it’s more taboo for a talking penis movie? The penis is always metaphorically portrayed as a separate entity for the male attached to it. The whole big head vs. the little head scenario. Guys always refer to their johnson as a trusted friend or buddy. Never in my time has a woman ever mentioned their vaginas as a personification. But the whole taboo that a naked lady is way more beautiful than a naked man takes a lot to convince otherwise and I guess that’s why a talking dong picture took longer to make.

Score: 4.5 wang dang doodles (out of 10)

9 thoughts on “Hard Ticket to Home Video Classic: Chatterbox

  1. This reminds me of that video you texted me the other day of you on the subway, using your vag to ask for money… you FREELOADING GREEK HOBO!!!

    Like

  2. Words. . . . . words fail me right now. This is . . . . wow. I am pretty sure this will be terrible but I kinda want to watch Chatterbox. Just to say I have. . .

    Like

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