Mirth Madness 2014: Opening Round – Group 3

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Steve Stifler (65%)
made Porky’s Pie out of Wendy Williams (35%)!

Brick Tamland (59%) made Derek Zoolander (41%) a model of defeat!
Dark Helmet (61%) performed a Triple Schwartzy on Thornton Melon (39%)!
Ted (53%) made short work of Marcus (47%)!
Judge Smails (88%) had no trouble at all with Judge Valkenheiser (12%)!
Randal Graves (60%) used cars to beat Rudy Russo (40%)!
Dr. Hfuhruhurr (65%) has stopped worrying about Dr. Strangelove (35%)!
Peter Venkman (100%) totally ghosted Oda Mae Brown (0%)!


And don’t forget to vote in Group 2!



Josh Baskin
(Shaun of the Dead)
Quote: “It’s a glow-in-the-dark compass ring. So you don’t get lost..” Quote: “Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?'”


Alice Huff
(Step Brothers)
Chip Douglas
(The Cable Guy)
Quote: “I wanna roll you up in a little ball and shove you up my vagina… You could just live there, it’s warm and it’s cozy… Oh I’d just walk around with you in there and just knowing, whenever I feel a little tickle or scratch it’s your hair on my vagina!” Quote: “Suit yourself. No sweat off my sac. Oh by the way, you might wanna put on a bathing suit ’cause you’ll be channel surfing in no time!”


Tommy Callahan III
(Tommy Boy)
Alan Garner
(The Hangover Franchise)
Quote: “Forget it, I quit, I can’t do this anymore, man. My head’s about to explode. My whole life sucks! I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know where I’m going. My dad just died, we just killed Bambi, I’m out here getting my ass kicked and every time I drive down the road I wanna jerk the wheel into a Goddamn bridge abutment!” Quote: “You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack… it grew by one. So there… there were two of us in the wolf pack… I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, “Wait a second, could it be?” And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast!”


Thurgood Jenkins
(Half Baked)
(Friday Franchise)
Quote: “I love weed, LOVE IT! Probably always will! But not as much as I love pussy! The end.” Quote: “I know you don’t smoke weed, I know this; but I’m gonna get you high today, ’cause it’s Friday; you ain’t got no job… and you ain’t got shit to do.”


“Joliet” Jake Blues
(The Blues Brothers)
(D.C. Cab)
Quote: “No, I didn’t. Honest… I ran out of gas. I… I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!” Quote: “Bruce Lee ain’t dead you know. They got him frozen in carbonite down under Chatsworth. They’re gonna melt him down as soon as the economy gets better.”


Irving Zisman
(Bad Grandpa)
Long Duk Dong
(Sixteen Candles)
Quote: “If I had all the money I spent on poontang you know what I would do with it? Spend it on poontang.” Quote: “No more yankie my wankie. The Donger need food!”


Mrs. Doubtfire
(Mrs. Doubtfire)
Dorothy Michaels
Quote: “I hope you bring cocktail sauce. She’s got the crabs, dear, and I don’t mean Dungeness.” Quote: “Dr Brewster tried to seduce several nurses in this unit, claiming to be the throes of an uncontrollable impulse. Do you know what? I’m going to give every nurse on this floor an electric cattle prod and instruct them to just zap them in his badubies!”


Del Griffith
(Planes, Trains and Automobiles)
Megan Price
Quote: “Don’t let me stand in your way, please don’t let me stand in your way. The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabbermouth… You know, nothing grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead that doesn’t know when to keep his big trap shut… If you catch me running off with my mouth, just give me a poke on the chubbs.” Quote: “This is some classy sh-…[Burp] I want to apologize. I’m not even confident on which end that came out of.”

8 thoughts on “Mirth Madness 2014: Opening Round – Group 3

  1. Pingback: Mirth Madness 2014: Opening Round – Group 4 | Hard Ticket to Home Video

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