PLEASE CONTACT THE CASTING DEPARTMENT OF STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON IF YOU ARE A FINE GIRL, LONG NATURAL HAIR, REALLY NICE BODY. SMALL WAISTS, NICE HIPS. YOU SHOULD BE LIGHT-SKINNED. BEYONCE IS A PROTOTYPE HERE. OR IF YOU ARE AN AFRICAN AMERICAN GIRL. POOR, NOT IN GOOD SHAPE. MEDIUM TO DARK SKIN TONE. ALSO, NOT MINDING BEING RACIALLY STEREOTYPED A HUGE PLUS.

 UNIVERSAL IS LOOKING TO REBOOT ITS CLASSIC MONSTER MOVIE FRANCHISES, BECAUSE WE ALL NEED ANOTHER FUCKING VAMPIRE MOVIE.

IN POSSIBLY THE MOST AMAZING CASTING EVER, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN WILL PLAY CAPTAIN HOOK IN A LIVE TV MUSICAL, WITH R.O.T.O.R. AS PETER PAN, THE BOY WHO REFUSED TO GROW UP AND NOT EVISCERATE PIRATES.

 Q IS THE NEW VOICE OF PADDINGTON BEAR, SO THE BEAR WILL NO LONGER JUST BE DOING CREEPY STARING. THAT IS R.O.T.O.R.’S JOB. WELL, IT IS MORE OF A LITERAL DEATH STARE.

THE APES FRANCHISE IS NOT LOOPING AROUND TO THE ORIGINAL FILM ANY TIME SOON, AND COULD STRETCH OUT OVER MULTIPLE MOVIES, MUCH LIKE THE FILMS OF ANDY SIDARIS.

VOTE FOR THE BIRTHDAY OF THE WEEK!

TRAILERS OF THE WEEK:

VIDEO OF THE WEEK: THE TROLL ON JOAQUIN PHOENIX’S FOREHEAD