Today’s Headlines presented by R.O.T.O.R.! 5-7-2014

Todays Headlines

[BEGIN MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

IT HAS BEEN CONFIRMED THAT STAR WARS WILL BE GETTING THREE SPINOFF MOVIES IN BETWEEN THE SAGA MOVIES. R.O.T.O.R.’S COMPLEX COMMODORE 64 WIRING CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO CALCULATE HOW SICK WE WILL ALL BE OF STAR WARS BY 2020.

GERARD BUTLER HAS DROPPED OUT OF THE BODHI ROLE IN THE POINTLESS BREAK REMAKE, CITING CREATIVE DIFFERENCES AND WASTE OF CAREER.

HARMONY KORINE’S LAST FILM, SPRING BREAKERS, MADE MORE THAN $38, SO THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY: MANIAC COP REMAKE! R.O.T.O.R. HAS NOTHING BUT THE UTMOST RESPECT FOR MANIAC COP, ALTHOUGH HIS TECHNIQUE COULD USE A LITTLE WORK.

THE DIRECTOR OF THE MUMMY REBOOT HAS QUIT BECAUSE HE REALIZED THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO DIRECT A MUMMY REBOOT.

LIONSGATE HAS SAID, “GO, GO” TO A NEW POWER RANGERS MOVIE. R.O.T.O.R. USED TO DATE THE YELLOW RANGER. NOT THE GIRL, HER GIANT ROBOT SABRE-TOOTHED TIGER. IT WAS THE BEST SEX R.O.T.O.R. HAS EVER HAD.

TODAY’S BIRTHDAYS: FORMER UNDERAGE PORN STAR TRACI LORDS, WHOM R.O.T.O.R. FAMOUSLY BUSTED, IS STILL ONLY 46, WHICH IS STILL UNDERAGE IN R.O.T.O.R.’S EYES.

[END MOVIE NEWS TRANSMISSION]

[TODAY’S TRAILER: MIGHTY MORPHIN POWER RANGERS: THE MOVIE]


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