By Smash
My mom is a horror movie aficionado, so when I was growing up I was exposed to a lot of insanely scary horror movies and an absurd amount of horror movie crap early on in my life. She does not discriminate when it comes to movies. It didn’t matter if it was a classic thriller like Jaws, a massive blockbuster hit like The Exorcist, or a total piece of garbage like Rumpelstiltskin. If there was a movie with monsters, or “critters” as my mom would say, and if people got murdered, blown up, mutilated, or destroyed during the course of the movie then it was a movie that my mom wanted to watch. And she didn’t censor us kids from watching them either…
I had a nightmare one time, and I got up to see my mom. She was up late watching Hellraiser and told me that if I sat on the couch with her for a while then I’d feel better. Yeah fucking right! I went back to bed even more terrified than when I’d woken up initially. To this day, I’m still a puss when it comes to horror movies. I enjoy classic slasher flicks, but anything too gruesome or weird totally freaks me out.
I love the movie Halloween though, it’s one of my favourites. The first time I saw it, I was about eight years old. It was scary, but fun. One thing that totally threw me for a loop though, was that scene when Laurie discovers her friend Annie, dead up in the bedroom. At the head of the bed is the Judith Myers tombstone that mysteriously went missing at the beginning of the movie. The foreshadowing was totally lost on me, I guess because when I saw that scene I actually thought that was just part of the headboard of the bed. And I remember thinking it was so bizarre that someone would have a tombstone headboard. What a weird fad, man! Never mind the fact that the tombstone is clearly perched on top of the pillows…
Where would you even get something like that, I used to wonder. Wouldn’t it be creepy to sleep under your own headstone every night?
Furthermore, I wondered when it was that Michael even murdered poor Judith. She was just lying up there dead in her own bed, didn’t even get a death scene. I didn’t make the connection that the corpse was Annie, of course. Or the connection that Judith was the girl he murdered at the very beginning of the movie… Pathetic. I guess I just thought Mikey had offed someone else during the whole debacle and they didn’t have time to show it.
When I finally saw the movie again a few years later at the ripe old age of twelve, it all clicked into place. D’oh. It was a real tombstone the whole time, you goof! The whole freaking time.
Yep, I was a dumb kid once too.
Hard Ticket to Home Video 
I’ve always wondered how he managed to lug that 300 pound piece of concrete from the cemetery to the house without A) being seen by SOMEONE and B) not getting a fucking hernia or blowing out a ball lugging a 300 pound hunk of concrete across town and up a flight of stairs.
Good one, Smash!!
LikeLike
Maybe he made it out if paper mâché in a crafts class at the asylum and brought it with him.
LikeLike
Perhaps! Good problem solving!!
LikeLike
Oh yeah, you’re totally right. There’s a certain acceptance that a psycho would be stronger than the average dude, but not strong enough to lug a tombstone around unnoticed and unharmed. They should have filmed a scene of him chasing some victims down while clutching at his sore back, sort of hobbling like an old man. For realism’s sake, you know?
LikeLike
Maybe that’s why he walked so slow?
LikeLike
Was it ever known if he was retarded, too? Or just psycho?
LikeLike
TOTALLY!! Let’s boycott this thing! Even though it’s one of my favorite movies ever!!!
LikeLike
Burpees!
LikeLike
FUCKING BURPEES!!!!!!!!
Anyone that can do more than ten of those is not human.
LikeLike
I can do 800… whilst drinking a beer.
LikeLike
BULLSHIT!!!
LikeLike
You’re just jealous.
LikeLike
I KNOW!
LikeLike
Reblogged this on Smashing Through Life! and commented:
I am so honoured to be a part of You Dumb Kids Week over at Hard Ticket to Home Video. Brian and Brad both run this insanely hilarious blog, and together they are an unstoppable force. Go for the reviews, but stay for the puns! And R.O.T.O.R. too, of course.
LikeLike
Doesn’t everyone have a tombstone at the head of their bed? Just me?! Uh-oh 😦
LikeLike
And this is your own bed we’re talking about, right?
LikeLike
Your logic makes perfect sense, Smash. If it makes you feel better, I couldn’t fault a kid for thinking that was a headboard. My standards are minimal, though.
LikeLike
Thanks buddy! It’s the ironclad logic that only an eight year old kid could come up with.
LikeLike
How come I don’t remember that headstone scene? I’m sure I must’ve seen the movie about 20 times! Also, LOL at your mum and the Hellraiser incident. He he.
LikeLike
This scene will definitely stand out to you now on the next viewing. And seriously, my mom was the cause of way more nightmares than comfort when I was growing up. She’s one of those people that laughs at the really gruesome deaths in movies.
LikeLike
Great post! Your mom sounds cool.
LikeLike
Haha! Love this, Smash. Not so dumb – I’d have thought the same thing at such a young age. If my mom had let me watch nasty horror movies. Which she totally didn’t. Don’t worry – I think you ended up far more well-adjusted than me! ; )
LikeLike
Reblogged this on THE ENIGMA MACHINE and commented:
Have you ever thought you knew it all? Maybe you were actually dumb – check this series at Hard Ticket to Home Video dot Com!
LikeLike