The Legacy (1979)

Trailer:

*Spoilers Throughout*

What’s It About: When an anonymous client hires interior decorators Maggie Walsh (Katharine Ross) and Pete Danner (Sam Eliott) to work on a wealthy British estate things don’t quite look as they seem. Other guests are invited (and not allowed to leave) to the estate until one of the guests inherits the legacy…of evil! I think.

Here are some of my observations as I watched the film:

• I don’t know why but I’m always amazed at how stunningly beautiful Katharine Ross is whenever I see a new movie with her. I wish she were in more movies.
• Thanks to the Godfather, whenever I see people with oranges in a movie I ultimately think, “Ooh something bad is going to happen to that person.” But I’m watching a horror/thriller so of course something bad is going to happen which makes the sight of oranges just cheap and weak imagery.
• Why is there a sweet sappy love song sung by Kiki Dee playing over the credits to a thriller? No effort to set the tone with a more appropriate song eh?
• Helicopters are not exactly occult/spooky old mansion horror movie material.
• So the main plot is that Katharine Ross & Sam Elliott are interior decorators who get an invite to England from an anonymous client. While motorcycling through the English countryside they are almost hit by a car. The driver invites them back to his large estate for some tea while their motorcycle gets repaired. But this is the same house they were supposed to go for the anonymous client. Spooooooky!!
• For you ladies, there’s an extended shot of Sam Elliott’s bare ass.
• There’s a shower scene to rival Psycho’s. Elliott is taking a shower and the water suddenly gets way too hot for him. Instead of simply opening the shower door and getting out. He fumbles for a long time with the knob! When he finally figures it that ain’t helping he practically thrusts himself out the glass doors cutting himself in the process. That’s just really dumb.
• Roger Daltrey from The Who!! And one of the Blofelds are some of the guests.
• Not that I’m really complaining but is there a real reason that we’re seeing this chick swim in a pool?
• So far this boring “thriller” is a weak stuffy version of clue.
• A lady swimming in the indoor pool dies because an invisible barrier blocks her from popping out of the water. I’m sure it would’ve been futile but she only struggled in vain to emerge from that one exact same spot.
• Nurse Adams calmly tells the rest of the gang that swimming chick has had an accident. They go to the pool and they basically just stare at her floating in the water. Sam Elliott says “what are we waiting on, lets get her outta there!” Which is kinda funny since she’s obviously already dead.
• The owner of the estate, who invited Ross and Elliott to the house, is gravely ill despite him looking a-OK when his car almost drove into their motorcycle. He tells Ross and the other guests that he is dying and that he will bequeath them all his estate and his power. Somehow the matching eagle rings have something to do with this power. Ross enters the dying man’s bed chamber (which has all the late 70s state-of-the-art medical equipment) and he grabs her hand and slips on an eagle ring on her finger. She is frightened to the point on passing out. The next scene she struggles to remove it to no avail.
• So Maggie and Pete are really trying to leave the house but some simple obstacles are in their way. First Pete can’t get an outside telephone line so they wait until morning. After breakfast, nurse Adams tells them the police want everyone to stay for questioning. Pete is skeptical so he asks Harry, the limo driver to take them into town. Harry agrees but after Pete goes back inside Harry drives off. Pete and Maggie then steal some horses and successfully leave the estate. Good thing they both knew how to ride horses.
• This light-hearted heroic music sucks!!
• When they find out their motorcycle is in no way close to fixed, they steal Harry’s limo. Actually he lets them. Then there’s a “tense” scene when they again almost get in an accident with a lorry. Then they somehow drive back to the Mountolive estate no matter what road they take. This is one scary movie. After a few attempts they give up when the car stops working and they go back in the house. This goes on for at least 10 minutes. Like a chase scene with only one car! I don’t know if it was supposed to be funny but its terrible. It’s not remotely scary or entertaining.
• Sam Elliott has been increasingly more annoyed at his on-screen persona’s dilemma however I firmly believe he’s more annoyed being in this turd.
• Roger Daltrey is getting force-choked!! Now I know how what its like to be the bad man.
• And now Blofeld gets scorched to death from a sudden burst of flames from the fireplace. One of the worst burn effects in cinema history.
• You’re absolutely right Mr. Elliott. It is laughable!! By now I’m loving Elliott’s character’s skeptic-ness and scoffing at how ridiculous and annoyed he is in this film. I really hope he survives and has to carry Ross’ dead body out of the house crying!
• Who just leaves crossbows lying around?! Sam Elliott masters the crossbow in just a few shots. And from firing from the ground at a three story house’s roof.
• Jason Mountolive looks very familiar to Aughra from the Dark Crystal. As the story goes he is the son of a 16th century witch, who is the incarnation of Maggie, and has lived this long but now is dying. Why is he dying now is unknown.
• So now Maggie inherits all of Satan’s power, which pretty much amounts to making people die in unusual ways that look like accidents. Sam Elliott pretty much gives up his fight and goes along with it and becomes her minion.
• Fuck this film.

Is It Actually Scary: I was hoping this creepy-looking British thriller’s tone and atmosphere was going to be good. But it fails in all levels and areas of horror movie making. I should point out that the director of this snooze-fest also directed a small little picture called The Return of the Jedi. You may have heard of it.

Did you hear something? Nah, probably just the wind. Now how about that mustache ride?

How Much Gore: I don’t remember. It doesn’t matter. I want to punch this movie in the throat.

Best Scene: I feel like every movie I reviewed thus far I have had zero good things to say about any of them. I am on the worst streak so far. I hate this question lately. I seriously cannot think of anything worth mentioning.

Another Great Conjunction coming up! Anything could happen! Whole WORLD might burn up! End of Aughra!

Worst Scene: The shower scene is the most laughable I think. The whole time I was annoyed and shouting at the screen for him to just open the damn door! And the problem was scolding hot water that is easily avoidable (its not like the door was locked or anything like that). Just so fucking weak for a supernatural thriller.

Any Nudity: Sam Elliott’s tush.

Still better than touring with Moonie.

Overall: In Sam Elliott’s own words: “I wouldn’t rush out to see it. It’s about fifteen years behind its time.”

Score: 2 botched tracheotomies (out of 10)